Dear MIMsters: Am I Wrong to Ask My Wife to Apologize?

Continued from Part 1

Am I wrong to ask my wife to apologize?

When my son turned one, we had a birthday party for him and Janet this time around, ensured that no member of my family and their friends were well served. Even my father was refused a drink. Can you imagine what the reason for the denial was? He had been given a canned malt drink earlier and he was asking for another! Can you imagine that!

When Agnes told the guy serving drinks that that was the grandfather of the day, and that he actually brought three cartoons of Canned Malt drinks with him to the party, the guy said to her, “So hin go finish all the drinks because nah hin bring them?”

Needless to say, most of my people left the party early and angry. My eldest brother and his wife, Agnes stayed outside town so they had to sleep over at our place. Agnes asked for food in the evening and Janet brought pounded yam without meat for my brother and his wife to eat. She explained that the meat was exhausted at the party. Agnes then prevailed on her husband to please eat the food and understand Janet’s plight.

In the night, when everybody was asleep, unknown to Janet that Agnes wasn’t sleeping yet: she was praying at a corner in the sitting room, Janet snuck out of our room with a cooler filled with fried meat and chicken which she had hidden in the room, and Agnes saw her with it. She was going to keep the cooler in the freezer when Agnes caught her red-handed. She however did not raise any alarm but … Now the battle line has been drawn between my wife and me against my family members including all the other wives.

This is what happened next.

We had our second child and at the christening, Agnes brought a caterer who attended to all the people who came with my parents, brothers and their wives. It was like we were having two ceremonies simultaneously. I could see the joy on the faces of my people. The naming ceremony was actually ‘divided’ into two. For you to know that Agnes meant this battle with my wife, she ensured that everyone from my side of the family was well fed and also had more food to take home with them. She obviously was well prepared!

I felt bad about what Agnes did and I confronted her about it but my mother wouldn’t hear of it. She and every member of my family have been hailing Agnes ever since and my wife is being ignored. In fact, that very day, unlike previous times, Agnes and her husband slept in a hotel down my street. Can you imagine?

Agnes has scored another high, and even though I am very displeased with what she did, I truly think my wife caused it.

Now, everyone keeps away from our home. I have asked Janet to apologize to my mother and probably Agnes, too but she wouldn’t hear of it.

I miss my people, I miss having them around me, and I miss Agnes because she is a very kind person. She treats everyone in my family like kings. Even when we have financial issues, Agnes is our ‘go-to’ person but because of what she did at my second child’s christening, I have kept my distance from her. I miss her sisterly counsel and help; she is older and wiser. She works with the Federal government and she has been instrumental to the level of financial comfort everyone in my family possess. She helps us secure mouthwatering deals, and this she has done for even Janet. Agnes gives without holding back.

In fact, apart from Janet, the other three wives love to be around Agnes. She is generous to them and she gives them godly counsel. She also warmly welcomes everyone into her own home. No one goes into my eldest brother’s home and leaves empty-handed. Agnes sees to their comfort which explains why everyone- old and young loves her so much. Everyone but Janet!

Am I wrong to ask my wife to apologize for her role in this discord? Is Janet right to accuse Agnes of causing the current conflict in my family? And how do I handle this situation?