Dear MIMsters: RE: Please Tell My Mom To Wade In | Mum Responds In Lengthy Post

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Do you remember the post titled, “Dear MIMsters: Please Tell My Mom To Wade Into My Matrimonial Issues Before It’s Too Late?” This post has generated a lengthy response from the poster’s mum as you are about to read below….

Thank you, MIMsters for the great work you do here. As much as I enjoy reading stories from here, I never thought a day will come that I would need to do what I am about to do today, at least not in this manner.

My people have a saying, “Isu eni ni n to wo eni b’epo.” That literally means it’s the yam you are eating that makes your hand come in contact with palm oil.

I am a retired teacher in my 70s. Until two years ago, I was married to the best husband and father any woman/child could have. My husband was a great lawyer; he was also actively involved in church work. My husband left good wealth for me and all my children are doing well so I do not need to work. While waiting for when my maker will call me home, I have chosen to dedicate myself to charity works. And one of the ways I relax is by reading stories from your page, as well as from other few equally educative and entertaining online magazines.

Like I said before, I never thought that a day would come when I would be doing this but since I am here now, I might as well write all without holding any information back. My children will also be hearing some of these things first hand through this page.

Oluwasegunfunmi called me out on this page, and I want to reply him through this same avenue.

I chose to use this avenue because I observed that a lot of your followers are young people, and I wish they will learn one or two lessons from our story.

It will be a long read but I promise you that it will be worth your while.

My husband was 15 years older than me. I married him when I was 21 years old while he was 36 years old and we were married for 52 years before he passed on two years ago. I still miss my husband very much. He was a good man who made his way through life with no one to help him. He struggled to become somebody in life. My husband will always say that you cannot choose who your parents should be but that you have the power to never make a mistake in marriage. He would say who you marry can either make or mar you.

However, as a matter of principle, my husband would never interfere in the relationships of his children, and this is why.

My husband fell in love with a young woman when he was in his 20s. He and the said lady had plans to settle down some day but his parents kicked against their relationship. That young woman was not from my husband’s tribe so his parents disagreed to their union. Likewise, the girl’s parents too wouldn’t hear of it. My husband said he and the girl decided that she should get pregnant for him thinking their parents would have no choice than to agree once they found out. Her father kicked her out immediately he found out that she was pregnant. My Alani thinking his own parents would understand after all, he was an only son and this was his blood; got it all wrong. His parents kicked the girl out too, with no one and nowhere to turn, they young woman committed suicide.

My husband felt terrible for many years and refused to date any woman again. It was by sheer luck that we met, and because I had faced a similar situation except that we didn’t get pregnant but went our separate ways in agreement, I understood his pains and I was patient with him.

We resolved that if we got married, no matter who any of our children bring home, we would support them. We also agreed that rather than reject anyone they would bring home, we would labour in the place of prayers for them and trust God to always bring along their ways good partners.

My people would say, “What a child sees while standing, an elder would see even clearer while sitting down.” Also, “If a child has more new clothes than an elder, he cannot have more rags than an elder.”

You young people need to understand and give regards the elderly ones. If your parents give you a word of advice, do not ignore their words in totality.

Hmm!

You see, my marriage was very fruitful. I married a good man like I said. My Alani was a good father, He was a good husband and he was ‘prophet’. Why did I call him a prophet? Whenever anyone is coming close to our family, he would always dream about the person, and through that dream, my husband would tell you if we should embrace such a person or refrain from embracing such a person. And he was never wrong. As his wife, I learnt to submit to his authority and I never regretted it.

We have 5 children- 3 boys and 2 girls. Oluwasegunfunmi is our 4^th child. There is Adunola- our 1^st daughter. She was the one who came back home to report that her husband slapped her. I would have taken a different step that day but my husband said NO! Thank God I listened to him. We found out later that Adunola had wrongly accused her husband. Now, what none of our children knew was that the day after, my husband and I had visited her husband in his office to warn him never to hit our daughter again. My husband went a step further as a lawyer to get him to document his promise to never lay his hands on Adunola again. This is well over 20 years after, and they are still together doing great things. Their children too are doing exploits.

Our 2^nd child and 1st son, Ayodeji is an Engineer and he never stops praising us for the way we raised him. Ask his wife, Abike and she will tell you her husband is a great husband and father. My husband led our children by modeling the roles he wanted them to imbibe.

Our 3^rd child and 2^nd son, Olarotimi is a medical doctor. His own wife recently bought me a very expensive clothing material to say thank you, I laughed so hard when she said to me, “Nana, you raised a 1000 yards husband material for me and I am grateful.” Words like those make my heart glad that I married a man like my Alani.

Our 5^th child and 2^nd daughter is Folashade. She is the baby of the house. Folashade is a woman of many professions. She is a trained pharmacist who diversified into events management and she is doing well, too. Folashade is married to an engineer.

Someone is wondering why I listed all my children, their names and how they are faring. Well, it is so that at the end of my narration, you all will join ‘hands’ with me to tell Oluwasegunfunmi that he is old enough to make his own decisions without pulling me into his affairs.

My husband and I have never forced anything on any of our children, and I will not start to do that now.

Let me briefly tell you about Oluwasegunfunmi.

You see, out of the 5 births I had, his was the ‘easiest’ which made us call him, “Oluwasegunfunmi”, That is “The Lord conquered on my behalf.” My husband said he thought I was going to die that day. I lost so much blood and I was at the hospital even till the day he was named. With that knowledge, we became very deliberate particularly about how we raised him. You know, I am sure he will just be having an understanding of why my husband would always jokingly say to him, “Segun, leave my wife alone. If you didn’t succeed at birth, you can’t succeed at that now.” And we would laugh about it.

Segun studied law but chose to work in a bank as a marketer. My husband had hoped he would inherit his chambers but he chose to work in a bank. Did we feel pained about his decision? Yes! Did we tell him? NO! My husband and I gave all of them the free rein to choose what they wanted to do. Likewise, we allowed them choose whom they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with without interference.

Do you know that my husband almost reneged on his promise not to interfere when Segun brought Mariam home?

Folashade had whispered to us about a nice Benin girl whom Segun was dating. We were looking forward to meeting the girl someday but were surprised when he brought Mariam instead.

Mariam’s father is a politician, her mother is a business woman who is more on the road than in her home, Mariam of a different belief from ours, she is an only child, and she does not regard anybody, she would never curtsey to greet my husband or me… She is a really spoilt brat! My husband noticed all of these habits of hers the first day we met her, and for the first time ever, warned Segun about it. Coupled with the fact that my Alani had dreamed about calamity the first day she visited us.

Can you believe that one of our houses even got burnt the week we met her? My husband said that was also a sign but Segun refuted.

Oluwasegunfunmi told my husband that Mariam was his choice and we must respect his choice.

There and then, my husband asked him to kneel down, and together we prayed for him and committed his relationship with Mariam into the hands of God.

The night Segun and Mariam got married, my husband made me promise him that no matter what, I must never interfere in his marriage and even in death, I choose to honour my husband.

Please, distinguished readers of MIM, I am on my ‘knees’, please help me tell Oluwasegunfunmi that as he laid his bed so shall he lie on it.

Moreover, if the kitchen is too hot, what is the wise thing to do?

If he knows it, let him do just that.

I hope I did not bore you my precious people, may God bless you all and may He cause His face to shine on you.

Please, keep supporting Motherhood Instyle Magazine.

Shalom!