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Dear MIMsters: My Mother-In-Law Is Hurting Her Children And This Is Why

Dear MIMsters: My Mother-In-Law Is Hurting Her Children And This Is Why

My Mother-in-law is hurting her children and this is why…

This is the story…

I will try as much as possible to say it the way it is because my husband and his sisters will be following to hear from your readers.

Mama Ajayi was cut off from her husband in a very strange manner. Pa Ajayi was a bank manager with one of the old generation banks and they had a good marriage until one weekend when he came home and without explaining anything to his wife, he picked his clothes and other valuables and walked out of his marriage leaving his wife to solely cater for their five children. The five children were made up of four girls and a boy who happens to be my husband.

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Three of the four girls are older than my husband while one of the girls is younger than my husband. If you are following my story clearly, you must be able by now to have deduced that my husband occupies the 4th position amongst the children.

It was with a lot of difficulty that Mama Ajayi raised her 5 children because Pa Ajayi who moved out of their rented 3 bedroom apartment and moved in with a society woman never looked back. Every effort made by Mama and their children to get in touch with Pa Ajayi failed. Even his family members had been bought over by this society woman. My husband told me how difficult things became for them when their father left.

Anyways, with God on their side, all of them went through tertiary institutions and came out with good grades. Mama Ajayi’s joy knew no bounds when all her children graduated one after the other. She had ventured into food business when her husband walked out of their marriage.

I met my husband, Akin when we were attending JAMB tutorials somewhere at Akoka, Lagos. Akin was very open with me about his family struggles and many a times, I was the one God used to provide for some of his urgent needs.

We got admission into Unilag together and immediately after NYSC, we got married.

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Do I need to tell you how hard it was for us to get Mama Ajayi’s approval to get married when we did?

What was her reason? Akin’s elder sisters were yet to be married so she did not understand why we were eager to settle down. We were both 25 years old when we got married and it has been 8 years of blissful marriage.

Within these eight years, Akin and the first & second daughter pulled resources together and built a house for Mama Ajayi. When Pa Ajayi left them, and Mama Ajayi could not afford the rent of the 3 bedroom they were staying in, Mama moved out into a room apartment with all her children so building a house for their mother is a welcome development.

Also within these 8 years, Akin and I have built a befitting bungalow for us and our love gets better by the day.

All of Akin’s sisters have remained unmarried until February this year when the 1st and the 3rd daughters got suitors from their respective offices.

The men who found these sweet young women are insisting on settling down with them without delay so a date has been fixed for their introduction.

Somehow, Pa Ajayi heard about his daughters’ upcoming introduction and he showed up. He says he regrets his action and he wants to be re-united with his family. He says he did not know how he got entangled with a strange woman; one that was as popular as the woman in question. Without beating about the bush, we all know that it could only have been through diabolical means that that woman got Pa Ajayi but Mama Ajayi says it was greed that made her husband follow a society woman.

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Now, the shocking part of this story is that all the children have forgiven and accepted their father back and they want him to be part of their joy. They are grateful that their parents’ marriage can be restored after 17 years which is what they have desired all these years but mama Ajayi will have none of that and she has given her children conditions concerning their forthcoming introduction.

  1. She does not want to identify with Pa Ajayi. No asoebi must be bought for them together.
  2. She says she would rather move into the market square than have Pa Ajayi come live in her house. She has forgotten that it was her children who built the house for her.
  3. She is insisting that if the children are bent on having their father at their introduction/ engagement ceremony, then it would not be in her house because she does not want Pa Ajayi’s feet to step into her house.

Now she is hurting her children. They are at a cross road not knowing what to do with their mother. Why is Mama Ajayi majoring in the minor and minoring in the major? Why is it so difficult for her to accept her husband back? I mean, this man has done both the thinkable and unthinkable just so that she will take him back but she is just proving too stubborn. She says some woman has used all the productive years of Pa Ajayi and that now that he is worn out, she is sending him back. Can you imagine that?

BTW, Mama Ajayi is an elder in her church… she attends this largest Pentecostal church renowned to be in every country on earth yet, she is this unforgiving.

I am just a wife in their house o but I have told my husband’s immediate elder sister to call their mother’s bluff if she insists on making her children sad on their special day.

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How can a woman be so full of drama knowing that it has taken this long for her daughters aged 39 and 35 respectively to find men to settle down with and that caution must be the watchword here?

My husband and his sisters are following this post; please Admin let me know when it is posted. Thank you!

View Comments (15)
  • I think it’s better you mind your business because you obviously don’t know what you are saying. How dare you advice the her to call her mother’s bluff? Do you have the slightest idea what she went through to make sure her children got to where they are? Thr emotional turtore,the pressure, the feeling of inadequacy? Atleast you are married now,i can only pray you never go through what she went through. If they were vagabonds on the street will their father come back to identify with them? You said her children built house for her,she deserves it and many more and it’s her decision who she allows into HER house.Forgiveness is easy to preach but it’s not mandated that she forgives him @ you guys pace, she will forgive him @ her own time. I stand by the woman and if the woman places curse on any of them,it will stick so the children had better be careful and you should be more careful, you post reeks of entitlement, selfishness and you are really rude.

    • Thank you for this reply. The poster didn’t understand the trauma her mother in law went through trainning her children.

  • When u have ur children n ur hubby leaves u at a point u need him most, then u will no what she’s going through, why did he wait till now before coming to beg, he must have been monitoring their progress, obviously he’s a gold digger n doesnt want to suffer. She should officially divorce him n have peace of mind. What if they all ended being wayward,would he have come back to beg?

  • I think you should all put yourself in Madam Ajayi’s position. She will even think you all have betrayed her. If her husband was not having an affair with the society woman would she have had the opportunity of jazizing him. Pls let him look for another good reasons for abandoning his family. He wants to come and reap where he didn’t sow.
    You need to support Mrs Ajayi by granting her all her requests. She deserves peace and joy at her old age and not all these drama her children her creating.
    If there mother had also deserted them like their father and followed another man would they be successful today?
    Haha, this is very unfair to Madam Ajayi. This wedding is her show. Let papa Ajayi go back to his sweetheart. I am sure she threw him out and he has no where to go.

  • Dear poster, maybe you should wait to be in that woman’s shoes and see how easy it is to forgive. If the children are bothered about the house, they should build another for their Dad.

  • I want u to put urself in mama ajayi shoe, can y accept ur husband back after so many suffering, humiliation from one angle to other, mama shouldn’t accept that gold digger man, if those children are armed robbery or kidnappers, the man will neva come back, Mrs poster be careful so that u will not face the karma with the man

  • That man is a gold digger, he’s came back to enjoy another person’s sweat. What that woman passed through before was against her wish, don’t make her go through that again. You shouldn’t force that woman to accept the foolish old man and also remember that the man wouldn’t have come back if your husband and his siblings aren’t what they are today. My two cents

  • I can nt even imagine wat dat poor woman went through and dey ar all shouting forgiveness selfish people, it is easier said dan done.

    • Please madam leave Mama Ajay alone, it’s easy for you to condem her now, she has been hurt, it’s not easy for her to forget what she went through bringing her children up, let her take her time, let Papa Ajayi step aside for now, he has never been there for her and her children all these years, let the marriage go on in Mama Ajayi place without Papa Ajay, they can settle and make peace when she has calm down.

  • Dear poster, you sound very insensitive and am very ashamed and surprised that you are a woman and a married one at that! I do not blame you, you are enjoying the presense and support of your husband and that’s why you fail to at least feel what poor Mama Ajayi has been when she needed her husband most with good 5 children! I can imagine the pain and betrayal she must be feeling from the actions of her children. And pls she from your post, its not like she isnt happy her kids are getting married so dont make it sound so, she just doesn’t want their father there which is totally understandable! You do not reap where you did not sow which is what the man has come to do. Yes, she will forgive but pls at her own pace and her own time. It takes time for wound to heal. This is a hurt of 17yrs we are talking about here pls!

  • Madam wife, don’t shake the table that you were never part of it. Don’t pretend you understand what you have never gone through. Don’t explain the pain that you have never experienced.
    When you have your own children and your words become bluff to them then u can talk about this.

  • Mama Ajayi has every reason to hate her so called husband…… He had a good job, left his wife to cater for their 5 kids without help from him…. And now that fortune has smiled on the poor woman he wants to come and reap where he didn’t sow.

  • I understand your stand on forgiveness poster and all and I stand with you on that.At the same time , please do not judge her , let God.Until , she accepts , please don’t force her estranged hubby on her. No one wore the shoes she wore .Not even her kids can relate with the misery she had to bear. No one should be hard on her , you all need to continue to preach forgiveness to her from the scriptures, tell her it’s for her healing and blessing , and pray seriously for her. God will help her forgive.Ask the holy spirit, but please no one should stand against her.She needs your support now , love always wins , show her love.The wedding can go on without the man if they can’t wait whilst you continue to work on your mother in law.

  • So you have the guts to tell like this about your MIL. Do you know the pain. And you are there saying their children built the house. Who took care of them. If you have something better to offer you better pray for peace to reign. Which one is your business sef. As for those children they should be careful with the feeling of your mother in law. They better find ways and means of convincing your mum to come accept him back which of course is not by force. She can forgive him and not marry him. They should build a house for your father if father in law if they so want to. What a disrespect.

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