Dear MIMsters: He Married Me Because of Our Parents and Pregnancy But I Regret It Now!
I thought he would change from his so many bad attitudes and habits but little did I know that I was yet to discover more. He got a new and better job after our marriage, but his mum and especially mine bear the financial burden for most expenses in our home.
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The bottom line is that he doesn’t provide for his family, especially me. My needs are of no concern to him. The only time he gave me money to buy myself something was last Christmas. And when I try to warn him of how he spends his little salary unnecessarily, reminding him that he has a family to fend for, he gets very angry and tells me I like money too much, (as if he has ever done anything special for me since I’ve known him.)
We quarrel a lot, the bitter times are far more than the good times. He comes home late everyday, sometimes spending the night out. He always lies and deceives me, he hardly tells me the truth about anything. He keeps telling me he loves me but there is no evidence. I must say my feelings for him are gone right now. I regret everything, and the thought of him alone sickens me.
Not a single happiness before and after our marriage. It all started the moment I got pregnant for him. I didn’t want to marry him at first, I had double mind about it but pitied my mum whom I’d disgraced. I wanted her to be happy. His mum loves me too, and lastly, I wanted my child to be legitimate. That’s why I took that bold step.
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I even thought that I could cope but he had more in store for me. I’m at my mum’s place now in Delta. I came to collect my result from the University there, so that I can work and provide for myself and children. Since I’ve been here for 2 months, he’s only sent me just 7k. I told him to add a little because he just got paid. He told me there’s no money but he bought himself a 23k phone and some other things. The 7k has long been exhausted. My daughter got sick, my mum paid the bills and has been buying her cereals, pampers and other necessities. He didn’t even ask how I paid the hospital bills or how I feed his child. Not concerned at all.
Last week, I got so angry and lashed out at him, we ended up having a hot argument. He told me that if I don’t come back with my result, he would kill me. And I know, he’s capable of doing it.
I hated him instantly. I didn’t fail to tell him so. He also told me he has no more love for me, that I’ve killed it with my problems. He suggested a separation, since we no longer feel anything for each other, and I could be with another man. I told him, “fine.” He started calling me, I refused picking up. Then he texts me that he wants to know what the child needs because he just got paid so that he can send me something for the child. I didn’t reply. If he wants to send anything, he has my account number why not send and text me he has sent something. I don’t need his money, he’s had the money all this while. When I still didn’t reply him he texts me again, saying, his hands are clean and I’m to blame for the child’s welfare and he’s tried. I still didn’t reply.
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It’s been a week now and I still haven’t heard anything from him. His mum told me to apologize to him because he told her I insulted him. My mum wants me to text him too. I mean, why should I? Please, I need your advice. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. In all of this, I feel sorry for my mum for having a worthless son-in-law, (he doesn’t even regard her, doesn’t pick her calls), and also for the disappointment I’ve caused her as a single parent. I’ve decided to work and learn a new skill. My mum and I are scared of me going back to Uyo to face his wrath.
Can someone please advice me on what to do?
Hmmm this case is too complicated! Please madam marriage needs a lot of patients, tolerance and perseverance to make it work. This is just a starting point for you in marriage so don’t give up. Please get a job and fend for your kids. When you were not too sure of his character you shouldn’t have gotten intimate with him to result in pregnancy.
Separation. Separate from him for the now and for sometime. Women never marry a man because you are pregnant for him or allow anyone force you to marry someone please it’s old school. Sorry about what you are going through dear.
To start with,you got married for the wrong reason.Secondly,you can’t change a man except God intervenes and he makes up his mind to change.Apart from you saying he is capable of murder,you didn’t mention in your post that he abuses you physically.You didn’t also expressly say if he is a womanizer apart from being a liar.I still think your marriage is not beyond redemption.Be humble,get a job,commit your marriage to God.Finally,if you feel choked,please stay apart for a while.Your child and unborn baby need you alive and healthy
Are you kidding me? Must abuse be physical for it to be justified? What do you mean by her being humble? It is this misinterpretation of humility that has landed hundreds of women in an early grave.Any man that does not beat a woman will never threaten to kill her. Lets be realistic here. Know that emotional abuse is the number one killer.
Marriage z a life contract, just have to give it all it takes, to make it stand. Although u made sm certain mistakes, we dnt marry out of pity or force but out of love. but pls, if u know u r not getting wat u want, back off for sm tym. Get a job, n be devoted. Yur mum, child, n d unborn one needs u more.
Hard truth is that you slept with a man outside marriage. That was the first mistake. Then you have second pregnancy and no work or means of supporting the family. You earn no respect. Gone are the days of women being baby machines. What about the future of the children? Are you relying on only his income? You know what to do. Let your mother in law and mother help to care for your children and go get a job. Prove you have something to offer and he will come back begging but if he doesn’t come back or change his attitude or lifestyle, then be ready to live a single life or pray for a new life. On hindsight, he has issues, give him time, pray for him. Think if he is your blood brother, what will you do? Don’t make another mistake or compound the problem.
Hmmmmm lord have mercy this isn’t marriage u got married for d wrong reasons may god help u
I support your decision in getting something to do in order to take care of your child and yourself. If he’s truely willing to take care of his child, like you said, he has your a/c number and he can transfer the money to you.
Personally, i will never go back to such a man. If he does not even regard his mother how safe are you? My dear, you’ve suffered enough. Put yourself together and start afresh. I’m very glad that you are well educated too. I must say that if he continues to threaten to kill you, report him to the police and let them warn him. Don’t go begging him, he is not your God. Being a single mum does not make you a failure. May God order your steps and give you the right job. Please keep us posted.
You’re a graduate and should know your worth, you don’t deserve to be in dis horrible place you have put yourself. Leave that place now and get a better life for yourself.
U said u married him cos u were pregnant for him..hmmmm young girls of nawa days.. well marriage takes tolerance nd carefulness, it’s not child,’s play, mummy dis and dat..
All I can say is, it’s well.
MY SIS, BRACE UO TO UR RESPONSIBILITY. 1ST STAY ALIVE FR UR CHILDREN. 2ND, GET JOB TO FEND FOR THEM. 3RD TRUST GOD IN ALL THINGS BUT PLSSSSSS NEVA GO BACK TO HIM NOW UNTIL HE REPENTS. U DONT NEED A MAN TO BE SUCCESSFUL. GOD HELP U.
I love what Faustine said. Follow her advice.
I think he’s still immature for marriage,he got you pregnant but he wasn’t ready for marriage so maybe he was also force to marry you,like what the other person contributed your marriage is not far from redemption,from all what you said I think he loves you but sometimes he doesn’t knw what he wants…give him time,he will come around..lst get a job with your certificate,fend for your child & lastly put him in your prayers
I don’t think divorce is d only available way out here. Separate for now but meanwhile tell him everything he has been doing and how he has pushed you to the wall. I think he’s a bit sober now so he will listen. Let’s see if he will change for d better. Let him know you have been suffering and smiling in the marriage and you’re tired. Every woman wants care and love. If he apologises for all he has done and promises to change, you can move back with him but be sure he’s really sorry. Pls try to forgive him and pray dat God will restore your home and give ur husband d heart to stand up to his responsibilities.
I completely agree with Mon Gemini
this is serious
Firstly, you are responsible for your own happiness, never mind what people will say , do what suits you best cos they won’t help U live your life. Go with your mind dear and ask God for his direction. Also pray for your husband for a change of heart cos there is nothing prayer can’t solve. Don’t say its because U want to satisfy your mum or his mum that U continue to suffer your self if you don’t stop U will only discover that you will start looking older than your age. Please dear with his threat to kill U abeg someone that can say that. I won’t be surprised if he did it. And when he does it your enemy will die and he will continue to live. He might even marry another lady a month after. Patapata he will blame U that U forced yourself on him with the pregnancy ni o. To be forewarned ni o
I think he’s still immature for marriage,he got you pregnant but he wasn’t ready for marriage so maybe he was also force to marry you,like what the other person contributed your marriage is not far from redemption,from all what you said I think he loves you but sometimes he doesn’t knw what he wants…give him time,he will come around..lst get a job with your certificate,fend for your child & lastly put him in your prayers….. I totally agree with this comment. Please give him time, pray for yourself to start afresh, settle down to have a job and learn a skill too. Pray for him, give him time to think and know what He really wants. He needs to apology to you, your mother and his family must see to it that if both parties agree to come together, there must be mutual respect for you and your famliy and He must be willing to take responsibilities as the head of his family, to his wife and child. God be with you. Stay focused and strong.
my dear get a job or learn a trade.move on wt ur life n b happy dear
Madam, kindly exercise patient with him and I believe asap u will get over it. And try as much as possible to have your own job and start cater for children. May God be with you.
My dear sister… Marriage is not a bed of roses. At the beginning, things may not be as rosy as you may wish it to be especially when you start the journey on a wrong foot. And beside, you are already pregnant with the second child. My own advice is this, try and get his mum and your mum in a heart to heart tàlk. Let them know that for the marriage to work, it takes the two of you to put in your best and be prayerful with it. If he is ready to make it work out, then go back to him,if not, nothing stops you from parting. It is better for you to be alive and well to be able to take care of your children. God will guide you to make the right decision.
My sister My candid advice for u is to pick ur life in pieces and start again. All hope is not lost. Thank God ur a graduate. Go to God in prayers ask for forgiveness and mercy. Forget abt anything man even him see him as ur childrens father. Look for work off course will get. Look up to God see him God as only ur helper not man can fail. God will come to ur success. Psalm 121 let it be ur watch word.
My dear, men are difficult to predict somtimes. No mata how he treats u, mak a decision to b happy always, show him lov as much as u can and always pray 4 ur marriage. Wen u tink its important, let him know how his actions affect ur marriage(without causing a fight). It is also very important u get a job. God will help u. U are blessed, dont let his actions make u loose ur self esteem.
My advice is this, the man was never in love with you. save yourself from emotional diseases by separating for a moment until he knows your worth. Marriage out of pity is always full of life time problem that ends in the grave. Stay alive and train your children. Marriage is sweet not management
Stories like this infuriates me..pregnancy doesn’t compel you into marriage..when women start understanding this,the less humiliation you face from men.. You are married to a man who doesn’t regard you as a person yet you open your legs and sleep with him to the extent of getting pregnant again..OMG where is your common sense? Please woman,you and that man ain’t made for each other as husband and wife.. Get out of that marriage and pick up what’s left of your life and rebuild a better future for your kids
Thank God for your life. Sorry for learning a hard truth that the neglect of the word of God is the results of all the world’s problems. Staying out of sex before marriage is not old school or old fashion. It is indeed an eye opener to insist ” no marriage no sex”. My dear better your life through a job or education and the Lord himself will take care of you. Give your life to Christ and get to know him better. Its not too late for you God loves you more.
My sister, your story is touching but I don’t think it warrants the impending separation you two talk about. I don’t know if you sort the face of God before marriage. Even if you did not, God is our ever present help in times like this. God is a God of restoration. The one that can make possible the impossible.
My dear, I suggest you go to God in prayer about your situation. Surrender your marriage to Him and leave it to the Holy Spirit. He’s more than capable to give u a testimony. He instituted marriage and takes pride in His creation.
Be a wise and praying woman. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal by dear. They are only mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. Do not waste time attacking his ego and giving yourself high blood pressure. It’s not the solution. He won’t change if he doesn’t. It’s only God that can change man through our prayers. Prayer is the key my dear.
Uyo in Akwa Ibom State right? A little research I’ve gathered about them is exactly what your man is showing. I suggest u actively look for a job as well and don’t rely solely on him. Man can and will always disappoint. It takes God.
So my dear, pls take it God in prayer….don’t quit now until u hear from God. He still speaks. God bless you and all the best
Too bad
My dear, I share your confusion now, but i strongly advice you to quit and find something to do with your life that will help you take care of your self and the children. you can figure out clearly that he is irresponsible. The way you have started, you will never be happy in it.
with my experience, i kept hoping for a change and after three children in twelve years, my husband still left leaving the children for me to take care of. Maybe you can take a lesson from me.
Sweetheart separation will not solve the issue but will worse it, so please pray to God for his intervention.Because those kids needs family, i hope u being a victim of single parenting u know how it is to be brought up by one person no matter what u ll miss the other, so please think of the kids happiness 1st. The two were selfish u never think of the result of what u were doing so is time to think of them .
Please pray seriously and find something to do with your hand and also sit down and access yourself may you are also wrong some where And believe in God.
The fact- mistake of getting married to him for the wrong reason.
The truth- you are in it already.
Your husband is not your enemy, Satan is.
Action plan 1.submit your life to Jesus, the originator of marriage.
2. Fight for your marriage in prayer.
3. Look for or create a job for yourself.
4. Do not think bad of your husband Phil 4:8.
5. Rejoice in the Lord always, your joy is your responsibility. Let not satan use situations around you to get at you.
6. Submit to him. To start with- tell him you are sorry for what u said to him (forget about what he said) Proverbs 15:1
Divorce is not an option. Fight for your marriage not by exchanging words with him but by committing him into the hands of the One who has power over his being and can change him from inside out.
Jesus has done it before and He’ll do it for you. God bless you.
Is ur dowry paid or u are jst living with him. 2. If u aint born again, seek Christ into ur life n he will take charge of ur marriage. 3. Separation can be gud bt it can also lure him 2 bring anoda woman into d house since u’re nt available, den causing more problem dan gud. I wud advice u go back home, get a job n get busy wit ur life, try 2 see dat u get used 2 his attitude of coming late by making fun of it as if it doesnt mata while u are taking d issue seriously 2 God. Avoid talking 2 much, be a godly woman of Prov 31. (4). Give birth peaceful, raise ur kids wit love, let ur mum know dat u are goin thru dis as a punishment 4 openin ur legs 4 a man b4 marriage, ask God 2 forgive u n mend ur life. He will surely do n u wil see ur husband come around. 5: show him love, dat can help him love u even if he didnt love u before. Cover ur union wit d blood of Jesus to ward off vipers