Dear MIMsters: Please Help Me! I’m Drowning and Suicidal Due To What I Found Out About My Husband
Please help me. I’m drowning and suicidal due to what I found out about my husband.
I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.
In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause I couldn’t sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP app, it was surprising because I had tried to get him to download it repeatedly so we could send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn’t interested, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn’t tell me that he had finally downloaded it.
I saw that he’s been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but I’ve been persevering cause I know it is temporary – I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume yet, so I have no income for now).
Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was with a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week. I’m not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (I’m guessing after a previous sexcapade).
I am so heartbroken, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all. I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, I don’t know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we’ve been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no traits of promiscuity in him.
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I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it’s not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on Sunday night when he went for a meeting with the governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn’t die, I’m happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don’t know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY.
If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what will happen to my little kids as I don’t want another woman to come and maltreat them. We are legally married but not in Nigeria. I don’t know if Nigerian courts will recognise our marriage certificate. I don’t want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength.
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I am just 27. Isn’t it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that’s where I met my husband, I didn’t even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it’s nemesis for what you did to other women’s husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who tells me he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it’s not like it’s all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing).
Meanwhile, my husband cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I’m still hurting, I’m still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don’t want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?
I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn’t seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don’t deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.
Men will nt kill us in Jesus name pls my sis take it easy is nt worth ur life u jst said it” u dnt want another woman to raise ur children for u” may God heal u
Amen@ okere
Message..Pls, pls and pls, let it go. For d sake of ur kids, let it go. I know u re hurting so much rait now and I also know a million thoughts will b running tru ur head but u still need to let go. Pick up urslf, continue to b a gud wife and let his conscience prick him. I feel ur pains cos I’ve also experienced wat u re experiencing. Be prayerful and also include fasting cos I believe there is nutin too much for God to do. Pls b strong for ur kids and d Lord will continue to be ur strength
Madam its not worth taking your life for. Its so unfortunate that you just discover it that’s why it hurt so much. Just take heart and let him be.
Awwwww my sweetheart **take a hug from me*** please never ever think of suicide again ooo you have to be strong ….you should get help in the form of counselling and also you need time to heal it’s really a great betrayal may God give you the strength to pull through this
Message..my sister though its not easy to find out that your lovely husband is cheating but take it to the Lord in prayers ..He alone can give u the peace of mind u need now ok.It is well..the Lord is in control
Kill yourself because of a man? My dear no man is worth it.
Message..hnmmm may God pls preserve all marriages frm strange women amen
Awwww, am so sorry. I feel like you are broken and need mending. Only God can help you now.
I definitely understand how u feel dear cos I have been through something similar if not worse but one thing I want u to knw is that it’s not worth taking ur life at all. Think about ur kids and be strong. It’s not about nemesis or whatever it’s just the type of men we have around us cos being good doesn’t guarantee that u will have a good marriage. Am so sorry ur hurting right now cos I actually cried reading ur story but not to worry just hang in there and knw that God is not asleep and I believe it’s just a test. May God strengthen and see u through. Get someone u can trust to talk to or better still see a counsellor. Bless u dear
God promised that he will never tempt us beyond that which we can bear: 1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV [13] There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
There is so much comfort in Jesus Christ and the Word of God. Try reading the bible. Try also attending service in a Bible-believing church with a view to enhancing your healing and the strength to forgive your husband. The change and peace you will experience will amaze you. I tell you, except for Jesus, no one else’s trust or faithfulness is worth your blood or that of anybody else for that matter. May God strengthen and heal you quickly.
Hmmmmmm! Is only God dat can heal the pains in ur heart. Take time nd talk it all out to God – everything. After it, u’ll be relive. Life most continue. Think of ur kids. God’ll strength u. ..amen
Kai! She is so so traumatised. It’s well!
Cant stop the flow of tears. My dear just pray for strength and leave that house for now with ur kids.
Pls don’t advise her to leave d house for a while, if she no want to meet another woman when she is back
Only Jesus can stop the pain and grant you peace, you seem to have a good man, but the enemy has taking over his heart with worldly pleasure, and its like cocain, such life style is addictive. Your marriage is your territory, you have to pray for him, detach him and guard your territory spiritually. No time for self pity, ur kids and your husband needs you, you are a gift to them. Cheers
I know this is very painful to you my sister, Please just forgive him and lets go because if you continue to think about this all the time that will wear you down. Don’t leave your marriage for any strange woman, is your home please. I pray God to give you strength .
Nobody is worth it dear
hmmmnnn…m speechless.men……
This calls for prayer, if you ve not been praying pls start now, if you ve not been sowing seed start now particularly for your husband, bf sowing d seed mention his name severely n say: Every sexual desire outside our marriage,let the holy spirit quench it, tell God what you want n what you will do for Him when He answers ur prayer then sow d seed. Believe God for His miracle and He will do it for you. Don’t ever think of suicide but think about ur children.
No man is worth dying for cos i promise you, no matter how much love he professes for you, he’s not going to mourn more than six months, another woman will move in and take over. In my opinion, go to your parents house for now since you’re not working, just to cool off. If you’re close to your mum or any of your sisters, share this with them, don’t make it a family issue yet, cos you need to lift that burden off your chest first. Give him some space for now and watch if he’s repentant or not.
My dear it could have been worse,you should love yourself better. focus on your kids thank God you have them. if you cannot stand him, leave. Hurting yourself means hurting the kids seriously. if you do not love yourself that much to stay alive, then do it for the kids.
What do men really want? It is well
I want you to ask yourself these questions next time you catch him, if i die who gets hurt most, if i die who looses, if i die who takes care of my children, if i die will my husband remarry,if i die who will follow me to hell or heaven? Next time b4 taking any decision ask yourself these questions. In Nigeria its not easy marrying a politician, if he doesn’t go after girls they will come to him,for me beg God to give your husband self control, and tell him to always remember to use condom and let him be aware how this hurts you. Still be the good wife u are so u won’t push him further outside. Be prayerful
Hello dear writer,
This is part of life and growing up.
My mum used to say expect disappointment from anyone at anytime. Take this as a trying time in your life, go for medical check up, pray pray and pray for God to give you peace. Pls dear no one , I mean nobody is worth dying for. Love God the more, try and be closer to your children. Go to gym or find other things that will take your mind off the betrayal. And expect more betrayal so that when it comes you will just take.it like a pinch of salt. You have God and your children to live for. I have been married for 18 years and still learning too.
No man is worth your life madam.pls,abeg before thinking of suicide think about your kids.Even if they are not maltreated,no step mum will take care of them like u.It’s only God that can console u n show u d way forward.You can take a break to clear ur head for a while
No man is worth it!!!!! For the sake of your kids try to keep those thoughts of sucide away from your mind. Talk to someone about what you are going through just tobe able to offload, a problem shared doesn’t weigh u much. Above all pray for the grace to endure. Go for the test and let your husband know how much he has hurt you.
Men doesn’t worth it,just be prayerful and be strong for your kids.
Message..Please contact me via email. I want to help you ,be strong my friend.
Message..Please contact me via email. nneomaokoro6@gmail.com. I want to help plsssss.be strong my friend
Dearest,
Please no matter what, don’t ever try taking your precious life. Many women have gone through this experience but with prayers they overcame and are doing great in their marriage. Cry to God in prayers,trust me, you will see a difference. Prayers work like magic. Moreover,don’t leave your home,you might be giving devil more room in your family. Remember,most men are being manipulated!!! It might not be ordinary. Be strong in prayers sweetie. God will wipe your tears.
my dear ,i can very much relate to what u are saying cos a year into my marriage i discovered that my hubby was flirting with this lady via whatsapp. the lady sent him naked pix of herself and when she saw she was getting attention from my hubby she started asking for money.it was about that time i found out .i cried and prayed to God for several days and afterwards sat him down to talk to him about what can happen to our family if he continues with this affiliation and since then he’s changed for the better.from there, i have learnt to trust only in God and he has healed me totally that i no longer feel the pain like i felt before.my sister,God is the answer to your problem.trust in him and he will heal u completely and restore ur broken relationship with ur spouse but continue to pray for your husband and ask God to rid his life of all those who negatively influence him and ull be surprised that it will be done for u just as uve asked.may God be ur strength in this trying times.
You will heal, trust me when I say u will. Nobody will heal you, not even words will heal, its only TIME that will heal u. U will mature and understand life better, u will not hate him cos u r hurting bcos u love him, but u will understand he is human and he makes mistakes too, the disadvantage is that you will trust less, time will fix u my dear. And above all I pray u know the ultimate Fixer, I call him Mr FIx It, Jesus. Settle it on your kneels.
Most times we tend to forget that we can’t do anything on our own, go on your knees and pray out ur challenges urself, God’s grace kept you alive for a reason
Swthrt I only knw one person who is capable of healing such pain. Its the holy spirit. God is able to heal u of all pains. Turn to him. U wont regret it.
My sis, I feel ur pain.But allow God to takeover ur home rather than committing suicide. Ask God to arrest ur hubby and I tell you,you will be surprised how those wounds will disappear.May God strengthen u,pls don’t leave ur home for another woman.youbwill be fine very soon but only if God takeover ur marriage
Dearie…d most trusted beings in this world sometimes are the ones that betray us the most! U need to no how dis life works…!! Jes be strong for urself and ur kids…u nid to forgive him and move on cox u still too young seezsly…try and see a counsellor and pour ur heartout..may God grant u healing amen!!!!
Sis,why would you kill yourself over a man,believe me if you had died,Two months is much to mourn you and one of those girls u talked about will come a nd run your home,sorry you were trained abroad,those of us trained in Nigeria had developed tough skin for such nonsense,God forbids that you will kill yourself over a man u met and fall in love with,not dat both of you came out d same day from d same womb,be strong for ur kids,train them,pray for you hubby,dnt trust him again cos of ur health oomake he no give u HIV,they said its in dere nature to cheat,nonsense,dress well,get busy,you re going straight to hell if you take you life cos its not yours,God owns you,may God help you
As i read your story and got to the part where you stated your age, i paused. You are still young and this is really happening early in your marriage. Why did your hasband cheat after being the perfect wife? Nobody can answer that question. And i wont want you to dwell on it either.
What were your personal dreams for yourself as an individual before you got married? Career goals? Things you want to achieve(aside marriage) before you hit certain milestones? Those are better queations to ask yourself.I dont know what it is like to be in your position. But you have so much to live for. Live your dreams..i am certain your parents will be willing to support you if you choose to separate from him with your children and a good lawyer can ascertain you get custody of the children based on his lifestyle. Do you and be happy. God bless.
You will heal dear, Yes you will. I know cos’ i’ve been there,i was also suicidal when I discovered yet again. As much as it sounds cliche, to ask you to PRAY,when you’re hurting. Pls do pray,it works wonders. Pray for Peace, even in the midst of the storm. THIS TOO WILL PASS, and while you wait for THE job,do something to distract yourself, no matter how small. It will end in praise, Please be strong.
My dear I feel and understand your pain, when you have done all things right by the book and things go this way you will naturally question what you did wrong. Please you have not done anything wrong, this is purely indiscipline on your husbands part,. Forgive him not for his sake but yours, get tested with or without him don’t be afraid of the outcome, whatever it is be sure that GOD has got your back he is faithful, and there is help today for any form of disease. Now on the issue of how you feel I can’t promise you the pain will go away any time soon, its a gradual process, take it one day at a time. Trusting God to do the healing. However get a God fearing clinical psychologist to help you through the process. Go to any hospital and request for a clinical psychologist and am sure you will get one. May the holy spirit who is the comforter fill you with his presence and peace. This is from a sister who has been through a similar situation, I hope my little counsel helps. God bless you.
My dear, though it hurt but you have to let it go for the sake of your children. Commit your husband to God’s hand with prayer and fasting, you will see God in action.