Dear MIMsters: I Was A Church Girl But He Took My Innocence And Left Me Empty

How did I get here? I am your proper church girl. I was born and raised in a strict christian home. All through my primary, secondary and university education, even up to when I traveled abroad for my Masters, I kept myself from men. Not that I did not have one or two as friends, I deliberately did not have anything too deep with anyone because I was not ready for commitments; especially sex.

Yes, I was a virgin until November, 2018 when …

I had gone to the head office of the bank where Jide works for an official purpose and if I remember clearly, he was also there on official duties. There was a long queue at the entrance and when he got there, he went straight for the door and was about to enter when I objected.

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The security men hailed him as he approached and I thought perhaps, he was one of those who would always grease their palms.

The lawyer in me rose to the defense of the helpless around me and I challenged the security men. Jide paused and smiled. He asked them to allow me go in first but I refused. I insisted that everyone would go in according to their places on the queue. I still had about 4 people ahead of me and unlike him, I wasn’t going to shunt the queue.

The security men asked him to ignore me but he said no, he would wait for his turn.

Done with my business at the bank, I heard someone beckon to me and it happened to be the guy I wouldn’t allow shunt the queue. It so happened that he was a senior staff of the bank but he chose to humour my ‘Save the world’ stance when I asked that he waited for his turn.

We got talking and that continued for some weeks. He invited me to his church- a very popular church in Lagos and I declined but he was persistent.

Eventually, I accepted his invitation and he came to pick me from home that early Sunday morning. I enjoyed the service very much. Everything was excellently presented and he did not need to invite me again because I was ready to ditch my church to belong to his.

He was very gentle with me. He would come to my house to pick me in the morning, we would go to a fast food joint to relax after church and afterwards, he would take me back home.

This continued for about 3 months. He eventually met my parents and siblings and they all liked him. No one had any reservations about him. He had a good job, he had good accommodation, he was mobile, he was single and above all, he is a child of God; a committed child of God for that matter.

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Within 3 months, Jide was already talking to me about marriage and I was happy I had found my own. I told a friend of mine that God must be compensating me for my chastity by bringing a man like Jide my way and she said she was happy for me. She had also met Jide and she seemed taken by him, too.

By the time we had gone to church together steadily for 4 months, we stopped going to fast food joints and we started going to his house after church. We would cook together or we would have bought food from the restaurant then take to his house to eat. We would relax watching movies, gisting and planning for our future together.

Jide was always the first person to call me in the mornings and the last to call me at night.

As much as depended on me, I chose not to ask him for financial help though he offered me such once in a while but I would always decline.

We had been steady for 6 months when Jide started to touch me in suggestive ways. I told him I was a virgin and I wanted to wait till I got married. He would reluctantly let me be but would always ask what other assurance I needed to know how much he loved me and that we were meant to be together.

Finally, after church service that fateful Sunday, as usual, we stopped to buy food and we were headed to his place but funnily, I felt like I should go straight home. I told him and he persuaded me that he would take me home earlier than usual that day.

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We got to his house, we ate and while we were relaxing, Jide took me in his arms and started to caress me. I asked him to stop and he said:

“I hope you know you are mine. We are meant to be together and we would be together for ever. Does it matter if we have sex now or wait till we got married? As far as I am concerned, we are already married. I love you, honey. I can’t help waiting anymore.”

He was almost in tears and without really meaning to, I surrendered to him and we made love. It was painful the first time, he asked me to rest a while and we had it a second time. He helped me clean up, helped me get dressed, re-emphazised how much he loved me and then, he took me home.

That night, Jide did not call me as he would always do. The next day, he did not call me and for about 3 days- morning and night, he did not call me. The usual Whats app messages he would send to me during the day also stopped.

After 3 days, I called him but his phone rang through. I was already scared that perhaps something bad had happened to him though I could see that he was online so I tried to call him again, he answered his call at the third attempt.

When he did, I challenged him for not calling me since Sunday, and he responded, “did you call me, too?”

He went further, “I have been busy witt work so I haven’t had time to socialize.” Then he cut the call.

What?!

I tried to call him again but his line was engaging.

Sunday came, and there was no Jide to pick me to church.

I took a cab to church and expected to see him but he did not sit at out regular spot though he had parked his car at his regular spot at the car park.

After the service, I decided to go and wait for him by the car but I wasn’t fast enough. I saw Jide pull out of the car park with a young woman by his side.

I called him on the phone and I could see him holding his phone to check the caller but he rejected the call.

It’s been 4 weeks and Jide has neither called not answered my calls. I still go to his church and I see him with that woman, I just imagine she’s going to get served soon, too.

My parents, siblings, friends are asking me questions and I am already running out of excuses. I cannot believe Jide could do this to me, after all his promises. I feel like ending it all but I am my parents’ first child and they have really done a lot for me.

What Jide did to me makes me feel so useless!