Dear MIMsters: What My Supposed Illiterate Aunt Served Her Deadbeat Sperm Donor Husband Is A Lesson For Men

I see MIM asking its readers to share their inspiring stories with them and I thought, why don’t you share your aunty’s story? Of course, I asked for her permission to do so, and she wholeheartedly granted it. My aunty said she thinks her story would inspire other women who have been abandoned by men who promised them, “for better for worse”, and also show deadbeat husbands who think they are unbeatable that it’s a matter of time before they reap what they have sown.

As a norm in my hometown, every young bride is sent to her husband’s house with a little girl in the family, and that little girl would stay with her till it’s time for her to also get married. Well, I was 10-years old when aunty Ranti was getting married so I was the little girl who went with her.

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Equivalent to today’s education, Aunty Ranti did not go beyond primary 6. She got married when she was about 21-years old. Her husband was a Peugeot mechanic expert in the 80s and as at then, he already had 2 choice properties on the mainland in Lagos. As his mother’s only son, uncle Akanbi’s aged mother lived with him before he married aunty Ranti. As far as mama was concerned, Uncle Akanbi could never go wrong. Everything he did was right in her eyes. Though they were both Christians, they grew up in different denominations but aunty changed to her husband’s immediately after their wedding.

Mama became aunty’s number one rival. She would not allow her cook for her son, she would monitor everything that exchanged hands between husband and wife but aunty, being well trained and too patient, allowed mama have her way at all times. I never heard my aunty complain about mama’s excesses. Mama acted like the ‘wife’ while aunty acted like the house maid with the fringe benefit of sex. As a matter of fact, Uncle told aunty that mama calls the shot and she must never question her decisions.

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Between 1983 and 1987, aunty had 3 children (boy, girl and boy) with her husband. If mama was happy about having grandchildren, no one could tell. She never helped aunty with any of the children and uncle was not bothered. Uncle would also not give aunty money to care for the children but would give money to his mother to run the home. If aunty asked for anything, he would ask her to go and get it from his mother. Mama, on her own, would not give the money to her but ask her to give whatever is available in the house to her little children.

With time, my grandma, who is aunty Ranti’s mom started to look for ways to secretly send her some money from the village. She would send her farm produce and hide money underneath.

When aunty’s first child, Damola turned 3, she asked her husband for money to enrol him at those early morning lessons for children, uncle told her going to school is not what makes someone successful. He said he did not go to school neither did his mother, and yet, they are successful people. It was grandma that sent aunty some money to enrol Damola at the lesson. The lesson cost her 1 naira per month. When it was time for Atinuke, the 2nd child to start, too. it was same grandma that sent some money to aunty. After then, aunty started a mini canteen business in one of the shops in her husband’s house but he refused to let her use it for free. She was paying 1 naira 50k per month as rent for the shop. Her business grew rapidly and she had to join 2 shops together in no time. She was also able to now enrol her 3 children at the lesson while I attended a government owned school. The more aunty’s business grew, the more her husband and his mother made the home hot for her.

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One night, uncle woke aunty up from her sleep with hot slaps. He said he had visited a prophet who told him that aunty would be rich in future. He said he was giving aunty an option to either stop running that business or he would send her out of his house. He further threatened her that if she opened the canteen the following day, he would burn her alive.

Aunty thought he was joking so she opened her business the next day. While customers were in the canteen eating, uncle sprayed the shop with fuel. Thank God for prompt neighbours, aunty was almost roasted. My grandparents came to Lagos to plead with uncle but he insisted aunty must obey his orders. Mama also said aunty was becoming too pompous in the house because she has a business through which she was codedly sleeping with other men.

Aunty had to close the canteen to save her marriage but Uncle was not satisfied, he wanted her dead. One night, he beat her so much she almost stopped breathing. He was going to pour acid on her before she was rescued by some landlords on the street. They took her to the hospital and got the church involved. They told the pastor that if aunty returned to her husband, they would not help her the next time her husband tries to kill her. The church intervened but uncle said he was done. He stopped attending service even though he was the one who took his wife to that church. Aunty thought her life had come to an end. She cried so much she got everyone scared. Her deliverance came through some older women in that church. They took her aside and talked some sense into her. They pulled money together for her and rented a room apartment for her in the suburb of Lagos. Because Uncle had sent the children away with her, calling them bastards, aunty believed she had failed as a woman but those older women told her as long as she has life, there was hope for her. They loaned her some money to start her canteen business again, and remarkably, her business grew rapidly.

From the proceeds, aunty sent me and her children through school. She ensured we had the best of education – we all studied for our Masters outside Nigeria.

Aunty worked very hard, she owns properties in choice areas around Lagos and all was going well with her until Atinuke was set to get married…

(Continues in Part 2)