Dear MIMsters: Is My 40-Year-Old Boyfriend Manipulating Me?

Is my 40-year-old boyfriend manipulating?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years now. Not only is it a long distance relationship, it is my first real one. He is 40 and I’m 21. I actually was taken by surprise when I learnt of his age because he looked way younger, way smarter and has fresh ideas… you wouldn’t guess he is 40.

I love him and I believe he feels the same way about me. My problem with him is his wanting to control me at every little chance he gets.

He does this quite craftily. For instance, he could say; “we will talk about it later, but do it this way now”.

Earlier on in the relationship, this behaviour of his was not a problem but at this point, it is. He also used to complain about the calls I make or receive, but that has improved a bit.

Being 21, guys expectedly show a lot of interest in me, although I am never as serious with them as I am with my boyfriend whom I love and also pay special attention to. Yet, my boyfriend would always want to know who they are and what the exact basis of their interaction with me is (he does it in a subtle manner), with the excuse that he’s trying to make sure I don’t get distracted from my education. After some complaints and quarrels, he let me breathe a little on that as well.

Recently, I discovered that he used a different Facebook account (disguised as a prophet) with which he chats my sister, he asked her some questions about how the money which he gave to me to get my dad a birthday gift was used (this was after I had refused his buying my dad any gift because I was beginning to get uncomfortable with his worrisome attitudes).

My sister immediately alerted me about the stranger who was chatting her up on Facebook about me. After going through the chats, it became obvious to me that it was my boyfriend behind the anonymous Facebook account because of a lot of similarities in the choice of words.

So I told my sister to play along and she did. I thought it would end there but I was disappointed because it didn’t. Shortly after, I was to attend a cousin’s wedding, and informed him about it; he showed casual interest about attending, but I was not able to share full details of the address with him as I did not know the details as at then myself.

Next thing I know, he chats my sister up from his fake Facebook account, telling her that he had a vision about her cousin’s wedding and asked her to tell him where and when. My sister as expected, informed me about it. At this point, I was pissed, but I pretended like nothing had happened hoping he would make mention of it – he never did!

The most recent issue that has prompted me to write this post happened last week. I was online at around 11pm while studying for my exams. I received Whatsapp and Facebook prompts of new messages, so I went on Whatsapp and was chatting with a guy who has been asking me out for about two years; despite my lack of interest, the guy would just not go.

My boyfriend also happened to be online too and he messaged me asking if I was chatting with anyone at that time, I replied in the affirmative. He then sent me about nine out of eleven digits of the guy’s number. He asked me if the number was among those I was chatting. Again, I replied in the affirmative.

When I asked him how he got to know all of that, he merely said: ”I was meditating when I saw you chatting and smiling at your phone”.

I was in shock! And I have been wondering if he has been tracking my messages, but more importantly, I am disappointed. I feel boxed in.

Without any bias or prejudice, please tell me what you honestly think about this, what do you think is going on here?