Dear MIMsters: Was My MIL Right To Have Called Me Barren Because I Did This To Hubby?

Is it Ok for MIL to call me barren?

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I’ve been married for 12-years. In these 12-years, I’ve done stuffs I’m not proud to admit just because of my insecurities. I have been TTC in all these 12 years and I’ve become a ghost of myself. I used to be the happy-go-lucky girl growing up but I’ve become so timid my shadow scares me.

In my bid to conceive and have a child, there’s nowhere I haven’t been to. You can hardly name any prayer mountain in the country that I haven’t been to physically or financially!

My MIL most of all, knows every mountain in Nigeria –or so she made me believe but now, I doubt her submission- and she would always tell me she would go for me as long as I can fund her trip which I never failed to do.

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I am the first child of my parents with three younger siblings who have children of their own so why should my case be different? Hubby is MIL’s only son with 2 sisters who also have their own children, so, why should his case be different, too?

I am a lawyer while hubby is a civil servant. I practice at my father’s law firm and money is never an issue for my family, so every time MIL says there’s a new place to go seek help for my situation, I would give her what she asks for and even more for her comfort. Sometimes, if I ask her to take me along, she would give me some excuses that would sound so reasonable, I won’t be able to argue. The truth about it is that my eyes are now open. MIL is wicked!

I was out of town on official assignment and had to return a day earlier than scheduled because we finished earlier. I thought I could let my team benefit the hotel bill for that night so I asked them to checkout to return to base. They were all glad which made me feel I did the right thing.

Also, unlike me, I didn’t tell hubby about the change of plans so I happened on him suddenly. He was home with a female colleague of his who had never visited our home before. It looked like she had spent the night though hubby denied it. The woman also looked jittery but I ignored her. I asked hubby to present his penis for examination if he was sure he didn’t sleep with the woman and he raised hell. He called MIL who arrived in less than an hour. The first thing MIL did that shocked me was the cordiality with which she greeted the woman. You know the typical way my people call every child theirs, she went like, “Awon omo mi nko?” literally, “How are my children?” and the woman answered, “Won wa ma, won ti miss yin gan papa” literally, “They are well, ma. They miss you.”

Was that the typical way they greet or was MIL trying to reveal something to me?

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Well, I expected the woman to leave but she stayed back so I asked her to excuse us. Immediately she left, I reported to MIL that I met hubby in a questionable position with that woman and I expected that she would scold him but what did she do? She asked hubby if I was right. He denied and then added that I embarrassed him by asking to smell his penis. Do you know what MIL did? She flared up. MIL asked me if I truly asked to smell hubby’s penis and when I said I did, she asked me if I found semen on it. I said I didn’t. She then said and I quote,

“If not that I like you, Omolara, I would have asked you to move your things out of my son’s house this very minute. What rubbish? Did I circumcise his penis for you alone? How many men would have stayed faithful to a barren woman for over 12-years? Rather than mend your clothes where it is torn, you are here looking for trouble where there is none! Let today be the first and the last time I would hear that you did such abominable thing to your husband? Haba! Smell his penis?”

Maybe I was wrong to have asked to smell my husband’s penis, but was he right to have invited a woman home when I was away? And was MIL right to have insinuated that I was not making efforts to have children of my own? Why would God allow me go through all of this? Why wouldn’t he just open my womb and bless me with my own children? Why is life treating me this way? Why?