A Welsh mum, Jess Morgan, 32, has written powerfully about busting gender stereotypes in parenthood – insisting she felt no guilt at going back to work after just three weeks. In the face of judgment from friends and family – as well as online trolls – they decided to go against the grain, following an increasingly popular path for new parents.
Jess told Wales Online that she and husband Dave, 39, rationally decided to swap the traditional parenting roles for career reasons.
When their first child, Murphy, was born, she was a freelance illustrator and designer with a full list of clients – who were not going to wait for her to return from months off. Whereas Dave was working for Gwent Police in a secure and well-paid role.
Three years down the line, the Abergavenny couple have no regrets, and Jess proudly says she feels none of the guilt working mothers are usually made to feel.
Here she writes….
“When I became pregnant with our first child the only thing I thought about was how life was about to be turned upside down and how amazing it was going to be.
Nappies, tears, and cuddles â I was going to embrace it all.
How we were going to look after the baby day-to-day didnât occur to me.
A few weeks into the pregnancy a friend casually asked: âHow long do you think youâll be able to take off for maternity?â
I was a freelance illustrator and designer with a roster of regular clients and a career that depended on me showing up at work every day. If I wasnât working I wasnât getting paid.
Dave was working full-time as a forensic technician for Gwent Police and people assumed heâd carry on working. After all, heâs the man. I would take the statutory maternity pay offered to you if youâre self-employed and Iâd stay at home with the baby.”
She continues to explain:
But what about my career? If I took six months off none of my clients were going to wait around for me.
Alongside this Dave was seriously worried about missing out. He wanted to be as involved in the babyâs early life as I was going to be.
Weâve always been a team â best friends who do everything together.
Dave and I had always had a long-term goal to work together and build a business. Dave had animation skills and we knew we worked well as a team.
But Daveâs job was secure, paid well and, with a kid on the way, we didnât think it was the best time to get all adventurous with our careers.
Then shared parental leave was introduced by the Government in which mothers would still take at least two weeks of maternity leave straight after the birth but the rest could be shared between parents.
It was like the universe was shining down on us. That was the solution. We were 100 per cent on the same page as soon as we knew this was an option.
I would take the first three or four weeks off and then Dave would take over. Sorted.
Then came the comments. People told me I should be the full-time carer and that Dave wouldnât be able to cope. We were even told we werenât thinking clearly because we were so excited.
Everybody had an opinion but we knew it was the right decision for us and our family.
Then the challenges began. She didnât take to breastfeeding well. I was in pain doing it, I was miserable, and she was miserable.
Poor Dave just wanted to do whatever he could to help.
When youâve got health visitors, family and even random people making judgements and unhelpful comments about your decisions it really puts a cloud over this supposedly magical time.
Dave even threw a family member out of the house once for being judgemental and making me cry.
It was a difficult time looking back but Dave and I both agreed that next time would be different. We were going to do what was right for us, not what everyone says is right.
Read on:
I remember the moments before I told Dave. Murphy was asleep and he was on the couch, looking a bit deflated.
He said he was gutted that heâd be back in work soon and that heâd miss his time at home so much.
I handed him a box with a pregnancy test inside, unsure as to how heâd react.
It had been such a hard six months with this new tiny human, and even harder for Dave because heâd been a full-time dad. He opened it and wept tears of joy.
In fact he was so happy, it was hilarious. He jumped up, hugged me, and then shouted âIâll definitely have to quit my job now!â
And so he did. I took two months off work with Maximus, but I was never really off – I was sending emails while on the labour ward.
