Dear MIMsters: I Am Being Haunted By My Past | How Do I Reconcile With It

I am being hunted by something I did a long time ago and I need help on how to reconcile with it.

When I was a kid of about 5 years old, something happened. My parents were the hustling type so they were not always around. I was the last born of the house. The rest of the children were all grown up and were barely around with me.

My mum would leave me with the neighbours whenever she had to go out. This our neighbour was a single mum as at that time. She had two grown up sons and a little girl who was 6 years old at that time. One day, after my mum dropped me off as usual with our neighbour, our neighbour also left for the market soon after with one of her sons. So this means this girl, her big brother and I were the only ones left home alone.

To cut the long story short, this “big brother” actually forced me on his sister to have sex with her while he watched with enjoyment. The both of us couldn’t help ourselves because we were scared as kids, and finally she bled on my body. This guy cleaned us up and with a hard face and threatened us if we dared talked about it.

That same year, we moved out to a new place and I never thought of telling anybody about what happened that day.

Fast forward to last year, more than 20 years after that incident happened, a family member saw that girl, now a grown up woman and she asked about me. When I was told, I felt so bitter and disappointed in myself to have been the one to ruin her like that when we were kids.

Since last year to this very moment, I feel terrible and tormented. She got married this year.

How do I go about it reconciling my past? Should I find her number and call her to beg for her forgiveness or what? Please mimsters, help me because this is killing me. The elder brother who forced us then on each other has added me on Facebook but I don’t know what to say to him. I’m sure he also does not know what to say to me or does he think that I don’t remember anymore? Please help me.