Dear MIMsters: How My Family Members Have Become A Bone In My Throat

I am 36 years old and married with 3 children. I am the first child of 5 children and currently living with my kids and a brother. My marriage is a long-distance one. My family members have become a bone in my throat. I feel choked.

Growing up, I had very responsible parents who took very good care of me. They took up their responsibilities so well until unfortunately, things went so bad financially for them, and at the time, I had just entered tertiary.

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I told myself I was not going to let my parents suffering be in vain so I started sponsoring myself and my other siblings through school in my own small way. I never stopped doing this even after having my own children.

Now my problem is that I have come to realize my family doesn’t even care about me as much as I do about them. I can’t bet that they will be there for me when I need them as they have shown me that in various ways. This is a family that I could never watch to suffer if even I had to give out my last penny.

By the grace of God, we have all completed the tertiary and we are working, except for our last born who after completing high school couldn’t continue but decided to go into business and this was his personal decision, not anybody’s.

All these while, things have not been easy for me financially but I decided to just give them my best support, and thank God, I have a responsible and supportive husband too.

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The challenge I have is whenever I am faced with hardship like when things go bad for my husband since he is self-employed, my people who are capable of helping me in their own small way fail to do so.

My dad got back on his feet about 6 years ago, this is a few years after I started working, but since then, he never took back his responsibility. I sometimes have to even borrow money from him to pay my siblings’ school fees which I do pay back.

My brother who is living with me is another issue on its own to be discussed. He never contributes anything even when he knows very well that I am financially down. He makes a lot of money from his business but spends it extravagantly on himself, gives some to friends, saves the rest and turns back to depend on me for basics even in my hard times.

The best he does for me is to lend me some money which I will still spend on him and pay him back later. I think I’m fed up now.

I have asked my brother to go back to my parents after staying with me for about seven years now but he has refused. He should go and rent his own place too, but he doesn’t want to. My dad also became angry because I politely asked him to come for his son.

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This is a man who is now richer than my husband and I combined. It’s the education I wanted to give him and I’m done with that now. I want to now spend my own sweat on myself and save the rest too so that I can stop borrowing since it’s not even my kind of life.

I am beginning to regret even taking this responsibility on my self because it’s breaking me up and I can’t even get help from the owners. I want to know if what I’m asking for is wrong.