General Advice/Tips On How To Enjoy Your Marriage With A Partner That’s Easily Provoked
Marriages are best enjoyed when couples understand one another. This is because no relationship is perfect as every partner has their shortcomings. However, it’s a good thing if partners try to study one another’s behaviours to relate well for healthy union.
How best can a partner relate with a spouse who gets angry easily over things? In an interview with PUNCH, an Abuja-based cleric identified only as Reverend Godwin advised couples to always handle situations in a mature way instead of retaliating whenever their partners offended them.
He said,
“When there seems to be tension between couples, they should give explanations that will further clarify issues and not necessarily respond to accusations or insult.”
The cleric said giving a calm explanation would check a provocative situation, adding that avoiding arguments in a heated situation was better.
He said,
“The explanation can wait. Also, delayed response is also advisable when you do not have the grace to talk calmly without getting aggressive after a harsh accusation.
It is advisable to delay your response till when discussion over an issue can take place without much tension.
“When you know that anything you say may worsen the situation, you can keep quit for events to clarify themselves later especially when it will not take too long for explanation.
As much as you want to be quiet in a heated matter, don’t be the first to start a quarrel no matter how hurt you feel about the matter. After sometime, you can talk without using insults or aggressive words.’’
The publication shared the experience of one civil servant, Saratu Gambo, said anytime her partner was angry, she always tried to allow him to calm down.
She said,
What I do when my partner is easily provoked is to give him space to calm down.
She explained that having conversations on what caused disagreements often helped to give a clear understanding on how to avoid such in future.
“If I provoke him or someone else does, what I do is to give a listening ear to him and try to comfort him and make him feel better. I do not interrupt him; I allow him to say his mind,”
she stated.
In his comment, a master of ceremonies, Mr Wale Banjo, married for three years, described marriage as a life contract involving compromises and sacrifices among couples.
He stated that quick-temperedness like other traits should be dealt with early enough. Banjo said,
“Being easily provoked isn’t out of place; it’s how to deal with it that one has to find a solution to. Crystal clear communication is what is used as a yardstick in coping with a quick-tempered partner.
Crystal clear communication involves sitting down and talking about the issues that keep coming up every time, issues that keep provoking one’s partner.
Communication will go a long way in tackling some of these things.”
According to him, communication helps a lot in understanding and approaching with caution issues that gets a partner easily provoked.
He further said,
“Encouraging a partner is also important because you are helping them to communicate their pains, feelings and emotions. Communication will enable partners to know things that get them provoked easily.’’
To a car-hailing consultant who gave his name only as Charles, anytime he was made upset by his spouse, he tried to manage his anger.
He said,
“If she gets me upset, I try to manage my anger, not forgetting that I am not perfect and she is not perfect too. I also make mistakes, and when I do, I don’t expect the kind of strong reaction I will exhibit.’’
Charles also urged couples to imbibe godly principles to tame their anger when dealing with their partners.
He added,
“When my wife gets me upset instead of overreacting, I just take a walk to cool off. I try not to show off anger on her whenever I am provoked so that it will not hinder me from doing what I am supposed to do for her because I want a happy home.’’
On her part, an advertising practitioner, Mrs Gift Adam, said arguments among couples shouldn’t go unsolved. Adam said,
“When one’s partner is angry, one should find a way to resolve the matter. It is better to address it.
It shouldn’t be left unaddressed. Addressing issues with one’s spouse should be seen as a necessity.
Discussing arguments is the proper way of dealing with a quick- tempered partner. I will wait till everything is calm to discuss the matter.’’
She further said to make one’s marriage work, the partner on the receiving end should be calm so that the situation wouldn’t be blown out of proportions.
Also, a mother, Mrs Grace Arnold, said she learnt to walk away anytime there was an argument. Arnold said,
“I will rather be quiet so that when we have a lighter mood, I will bring up the matter. People have different methods in coping with a quick-tempered person. So, everyone has their ways in making things work.’’
She noted that calmness and better communication amid an argument would help spouses cope with quick-tempered partners.
Commenting on the matter, a marriage counsellor, Mrs Olabisi Soetan, said that all a spouse needed to cope with a quick-tempered partner was to separate the person from the issue.
She stated,
“You have to separate the person from the issue and see how you can help them with the temper like maybe they need to go for anger management classes and be patient with them to talk things through.’’
Soetan further said talking about the matter would definitely help to resolve it in a calm way, adding that
“You don’t have to react; just be calm. Being patient and calm will help to douse the tension.’’
Also speaking, a conflict resolution expert and relationship counsellor, Fisayo Dayo-Samuel, said as people have diverse personalities, their reactions to issues also differ.
Dayo-Samuel said,
“However, there those unable to resolve issues without escalating it. Well, they are called quick-tempered persons but I choose to call them ‘contenders.’
She stated that in working with people and resolving conflict, she realised that there were varied ways people handle issues which could sometimes be linked to personalities.
She further added that a persuasive contender would always want to drive their home their points no matter the situation. Dayo-Samuel said,
“In the process of this, yelling and anger can take place. This is because such individuals have yet to understand how they should react to issues.”
She also said contenders’ strength was responsible for their being passionate about their views and convictions.
She added,
“In coping with them, you have to understand them and why they react the way they do. Allowing them to express their minds in the heat of the conflict is better than interrupting them.
That way, their feelings will be heard on why they act the way they do. If you think the time and atmosphere aren’t conducive to raising your points, it’s better not to try to push them in order not to escalate issues.
You can find a suitable atmosphere to do that.”
According to her, it’s vital for quick-tempered individuals to work on their character to achieve positive results in their interaction with others.
She said,
“Remember that their intention is to drive home their points. They can be helped to also drive home their points without hurting the next person.’’