Nigerian female talk drummer and sensation in the African cultural sphere, Aralola Olamuyiwa, who is popularly known by her stage name Ara, has opened up about why she’s yet to remarry.
The 47-year-old entertainer who has been a single mum for the past 11 years opined that men love the idea of dating a star but cannot sustain the relationship.
Ara said in an interview with Vanguard that men cannot contain a strong woman like her in a relationship.
She further stated that it is not peculiar to the entertainment industry alone but in all field as men get easily intimidated and as a result become insecure.
She said:
“I’ve been a single mum since 2011. I have been careful in getting involved. I have had four marriage proposal but I have turned them down.
I could see that the men liked me, they were interested in marrying me but I could also see that they will not be able to sustain the relationship because of their insecurity and I would have to leave again.”
Ara went on to mention one major deal breaker even if she’s going to remarry. According to her, she cannot deal with trust issue in marriage as it will interfere with her peace and by extension affect her work.
“I’m a creative being, if you don’t trust me, there is no way I’m going to be in a relationship with you because you are going to give me problem at the end of the day.
Do I then leave my calling because I want to be married? My prayer to God is to give me the one that would love me, that is confident, that would trust me, that is understanding and that would appreciate what I do and support me, a man I can respect.”
Eleven years ago, Ara got married to her ex-husband, Prince Nurudeen Olalekan Saliu, a marriage she described as her “greatest undoing.”
In a chat with Showtime Celebrity in 2012, Ara explained the circumstances that led her to go into the marriage. In her words:
“I didn’t ask God for my ex-husband. At that point in time, I didn’t see any need to ask and that was the greatest mistake of my life.”
You were at the peak of your career and all of a sudden one heard that you were getting married and nothing was heard of the guy before. What did you see in him?
“There’s so much I can’t talk about on the pages of newspapers. But at that time, some things were programmed and you can’t walk away from it. The major thing was that I was leaving things with my management for years and was shielded from the world.
I had no friend, I didn’t socialize. And I wasn’t allowed to do so not because I didn’t want to. Even my parents did not have easy access to me during that time.
It was that bad. At a point, I was told he was the best for me, that nobody loved me and wished me well, that the only person that wished me well was my management.
And of course, I bought the story. It got to a point that my mother fought her way backl into my life as she refused to go and I really appreciated her coming into my life at that point in time. I tried dating during that period but it didn’t click.
This guy was somebody I’d dated between 1994 and 1995 before he left the country. He messed up in the process, causing our break up. Later, he returned to me and I forgave him. But he messed up again and I forgave him again. After a while, he left Nigeria and I told myself that I was done with the relationship.
But it then came to a point, when I needed a shoulder to lean on and he was the only one who could stand the pressure from my management. So, I found in him a friend again, somebody I could naturally share my problems with.
But naturally, he would never have been my choice in terms of my kind of man. It happened that he was the only one around me at that time I could talk to because I realized a lot of things went wrong with my management deal and set up. So, naturally, I gravitated towards him.”
“Yes that was part of it but there’s more to it that I can’t talk about.”
So finally, it ended. How did that feel?
“It hurts for one reason because I never prayed for my child to come from a broken home. I regretted the marriage and everything but I don’t regret my son.
My son came to me at a time I needed someone of mine. But now, he can’t see his dad the way I would have wanted him to because I’m separated from his dad. I’ve been the sole provider for my son.”
