Nigerians Share Interesting Lessons They Learnt In Their First Five Years Of Marriage

Nigerians have taken to Twitter to share some of the lessons they learnt in their first five years of marriage.

A Twitter user and popular social media counsellor, John Doe@john_d_doe had taken to his handle to ask married folks to share some of the lessons they learnt during the first five years of their marriage.

John Doe wrote:

“Except you’re married, please do not comment on this tweet. You can only comment if you know anyone’s story or you wish to reply to the married ones. Married people, if you don’t mind, please tell us how you coped within your first 5 years?” Let’s read from you.”

As expected the question was answered by many social media users and there were some really interesting takes.

Below are some comments we culled from the post;

Jennie wrote:

I made a lot of mistakes. As a wife, I was always ready for fight. I challenged my husband when an argument ensued, I didn’t know how to forgive him for his own mistakes and let go so I was just angry. He was also angry and eventually locked up at the time I realised I had messed up.

So I did not cope well but for whoever is interested as a woman, be kind, be gentle, massage his ego, don’t hurt his ego, know that every man makes mistakes and deserves true forgiveness. 1st 2 years was bliss but the following 3 years was me being angry with him for the death of our first baby. But in all as a woman, be respectful and kind.

Oluchi wrote:

Kept my marital issues away from my family, hubby did same with his .. Them no understand us
We are 14 yrs together and counting. It took submission, respect, loyalty with d help of the Almighty

Uche wrote:

First I was diplomatic then next made it hot, back to diplomacy and been logical…somehow things started taking shape as one became much more tolerant but still insisting on the right things been done. Its not perfect but life is much better and sweeter.

Mazi wrote:

One big thing I learnt within my first 5 years of marriage is to never argue with my wife. It always ended up with her twisting my words and making the argument unending. I stopped arguing. I started allowing her talk then I used questions to make her rethink. It saved me a lot!

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Arrizto wrote:

For me I learnt, a woman can be kind, loving, loyal but if pushed to the wall, she can do and undo. I also learnt no matter how you push her to do something, she will only do that which she wants(financially). I also learnt never to test a woman’s patience.

Yusuf wrote:

Marriage becomes boring as you grow in it, especially when you as a Man is well loaded. Some beautiful perfect side chicks start surfacing. Understanding that the devil you already knew is way better than the super Angel you’re just meeting is the secret that keeps your marriage!

Joel Olaitan:

Hmnnnn! lessons to be learned from the replies to the tweet. -Practice forgiveness in advance -Never ever compare your spouse to others -Be humble -Men, let us try to avoid transferring aggression of anything we pass thru outside to our spouses or kids ( we are normally meant to face challenges while hustling but remember, your family is your paradise to calm you down) -Always remember, God is the Head of the house and He in His divine wisdom delegated some authority to the man to follow in His ways, don’t let this nonsense woke women’s feminism ruin that God-given role. – Las las, just love because that is the ultimate commandment in almost every single religious faith in the world.

Anonymous:

People will have different experiences because people face different circumstances. Even therapists and marriage counsellors need help just as much as the next person on the street. But in my years of being a therapist I have come to some conclusions— your wife will most likely seek solace in the arms of another man if you consistently cheat on her and act like cheating is your birthright.

Kids cannot cement a man or woman to you. Staying in a marriage for the sake of convenience is the norm 90% of the time because nobody likes eating the same food all the time— the grass is always greener on the other side, until you get to the other side and start stepping inside the person’s hidden shit and that which others who were there before you left behind in that “greener” grass.

Every grass has shit but when you are cheating, you both hide your shit. It is when you start living there permanently that all the shit is exposed. Dying at the hand of a spouse from jealous rage or whatever is not dependent on anything— some people think you can know from small small things like slaps and so on but no, a man or woman that has never raised their voice at you can still kill you should they snap.

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There will be some good times and some horrible times where you wish you never met him or her— it will happen again with the next person if you leave the marriage. But you will swallow their nonsense and stick it out next time because of what people will say. Rinse and repeat.

In short, marriage is like life where some events seem to have no explanation— e.g a promiscuous man or woman who has facilitated or done abortion ten times before marriage but now have 5 healthy kids while the man and woman who married as a virgin and is still barren.

Or like hard work that does not always result in having money. Or like having Covid. Even presidents with best healthcare still catch Covid while people who are entering bus with all sorts coughing in their face never catch it. Such is life. It takes divine intervention for any marriage to work because human sense cannot get anybody anywhere.