Dear MIMsters: I Want to Get Married But My Brothers are Standing in the Way

I am 24 years old and currently doing my one year national youth service program. I would love to get married to this guy but my brothers are standing in my way.

In December 2016, I came in contact with this guy on Facebook who happens to be a family friend and some sort of an in-law. This is because one of my elder sister is married to someone in the same village he comes from.

I had no idea initially but as we got to know each other, I found out that he’s been to my family home when I was a teenager on several occasions but he now lives abroad.

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Months after we met on Facebook, he told me that he likes me and would like to marry me. I said to him no problem, but “can’t say YES or NO for now.” This is because from the little I know, marriage is not something one can just jump into like that. I asked him to give me time to pray and to also get to know him better and he agreed.

I have always prayed to God to give me a husband who is educated with a minimum of a University degree, someone who has the fear of God in him, a tall guy because I am short, someone who will have respect for me and all that. This guy appears to have all these qualities except for his educational qualifications. He’s just a SSCE holder. So after all the prayers and time spent on studying him, I could see that he is the type of man I would want to settle down with.

Three months later, he came up again with the question of becoming his wife and this time he wanted a YES or NO answer because he needed to find someone before coming to Naija.

So, I said YES to him and since then things have been working out well between us, he has been so supportive and caring. We both run a business here in Nigeria which I manage but my people don’t know about it. He loves me and I love him too.

Now the problem is that he will be back in 8 months and we have plans of getting married as soon as he is back. We also have plans of investing more in our business and bringing it up to standard because it might take a couple of years before he returns abroad, maybe together with his new family.

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Since we started dating, my family did not know about our relationship until January this year. My 3 older brothers are not in support of our union because of his educational qualification or lack of it. Another reason is because he is not yet financially stable.

The man my sister is married to, my BIL, comes from the same village as my boyfriend. My BIL is also not financially stable and uneducated. I am the last child and my brothers said they will not allow me get married to someone who is still struggling to stand on his own with no certificate to get him a decent job.

The only support I have are my mum and my older sister. My dad is late and I really cannot do without the support of my brothers. Please I need your advice on what to do.