Dear MIM Readers: All I feel for my husband now is hate…
Dear mothers in the house. It took me so much time and courage to write this and to seek practical advice from you. But reading a similar story on your page gave me the courage to write.My story will be long because I want to give details so that you will know the best advice to give me.
I dated my hubby when he was in Nigeria and he had nothing then. After looking for job for years, he left the country for a greener pasture in Europe. After 5 years of off and on communication, he asked for my hand in marriage which I accepted with some conditions I gave him. I told him that I must be with him as soon as possible because I easily get fed up and hate long-distance relationship. He accepted and came home. He convinced my parents to allow us do the court registry so that he could start preparing my papers and my parents gave their consent. He went back and after some months he sent his people to come and pay my bride price. Now the problem is that he doesn’t send me money every month.
Sometime, in 3 months and you can’t imagine how much he sends to me – 10k and he only sends more if he wants me to do something with it. I had a job then, so I kept quiet, thinking he is saving for my visa. Now, I lost my job few months ago and lo and behold he still sent me 10k again. I felt so bad. This is me who spends more than 70k a month on my bills and helping my younger ones. I had to calmly ask him why he sent me that amount of money. He apologized that he knows its nothing that it was just for me to manage till my company settles me. After that day, he started keeping to himself. The next day, I decided to travel to submit application and spend sometime with my parents. He’s aware of the journey but I didn’t tell him about seeing my parents. When he asked, I explained to him that I’ve been depressed and I felt like moving around a bit. He was angry that I didn’t tell him, but I told him that he has been keeping to himself.
He wrote so many things and my reply was “ok then.” Since 22nd of July till now he has not rang me. This is his attitude anytime I complain about him not doing what he’s suppose to do financially. Now, all I feel for him is hate and I want to quit this marriage. My life has been on hold and it’s as if all my dreams are dying with this marriage. I’m still very young and vibrant and don’t want any man to steal my youthfulness. I will be 30 next year and I want to use the next 10 years of my life to improve my life. I begged him to send me money so that I can foot my bill and take care of my self, he read my chat and ignored me. I’m suffering so much and I want to put an end to this. I don’t know if this is the right decision or I’m being hasty. I’m in so much pain. I’ve asked people who stay with him and they said he has no family there, I don’t know how true that is.
Please your advice is needed here, practical ones without being harsh to us.
The honest part of this gist is your husband is involved with an oyibo wife their and my honest advice is that you should move on,don’t forget to tell him plainly that you are moving on.
Hmmmmmmmm I don’t even know what to advice. I am sorry you are going through this dear poster. God help your marriage. Amen.
What is he doing with the money he earns over there? Well this is one of the challenge with obodo oyibo marriage. Madam just try and get a job while you’re still here. Call your parents and parents in law for a meeting and discuss the issue on ground, if distance is the cause of your marital crisis, then your in laws should talk to their son to either come back home or make arrangement for you to join him as soon as possible. I think you guys don’t even understand yourselves, communication is seriously lacking too. You never told us if he’s now financially buoyant for us to ascertain if he is really stingy or not? Above all commit your marriage into God’s hand.
What then is he using the money to do? My dear let him work ur visa to go stay wt him cause if not depression will kill u so please talk to him n if u knw he’s not comin bk just kw wht to do cus @almost 30 u suppose to hv kids.
Still call him n knw his next step towards u.
my sis b patience with, u dn’t know how he’s making d money, left 4 me i dn’t like distance relationship
madam d sooner you realise you are wasting your years the better for u. please move on. the guy simply doesn’t love you and is using your head. pls get a job and settle for a better guy. I knw its not easy but its something you have to do. even if you move over there with him, what is the assurance you will be treated any better? shine ya eyes ejo
He might not actually have a family there but you have to also talk to his parents, friends and everyone that know him that he should step up or u quit! He is a naturally stingy guy so to him 10k is a big cash but to you that’s money for your hair. My dear some guys are like that all you need to do not to feel hurt is to become financially independent so that he won’t have to insult you that much.
My dear pray
Be wise n do what’s best for u. Sometimes it’s good to be selfish.pls think of yourself
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Some vital information are missing in ur post:the nature of his job over there,d efforts so far abt ur joining him,his family’s reaction to the present condition,etc.Distance marriage can never be rosy.ln ur case,ur only(or major problem)is finance.Trust me even if he sends 100k weekly,u wont still be happy.If u were still working,l would say save money and pay him a visit but as it is,l would advise u bottle up any emotion,tell him how u feel n possibly involve his parents.Find out d position of things concerning ur joining him then u will know ur stand in d marriage
Two of need to ve a long and meaningful talk, tell him to rise up to his responsibilities as a husband and again what is he doing abt u going over to be wit him.. After d talk if u r nt convinced pls start working on plan B time waits for nobody
I dnt knw wat to say dis is not marriage communication is d key wen it comes to relationship and I can see its lacking in ur marriage call him to explain ur feelings to him if he is not giving u listening ear talk with his parent if d situation still remains d same my sister na to move on be dat oh life is too short to die in misery all because of marriage
U think ur hubby has a family there and obviously knowing Nigerian men, they won’t tell u he does. Have him tell u the truth or involve both families so u know the way forward
Madam pls jejely leave dat man b4 he ruins ur future..@almost 30 ur still young and vibrant.. For me give him time ultimatum, it is either u join him Asap or he come down here to live together, if nt pls make hare while d sun shine..! He can remarry even @old age, never u allow him to destroy ur life bcs ur suppose to be rearing kids by nw.
30yrs nd no kids yet,my dear move on.true talk gozzy
Maybe he can’t afford more than he is sending to you? Try and consider it
Call his parents and yours and have a sit down with them. Don’t quit yet cos you never can tell what’s going on. Let him hasten your moving in with him, when you get there, study him properly. If it works out fine, if not move on life is meant to be enjoyed.
have a long talk with him.u need to know were d marriage is heading to.what d future holds.n his plans for u.