Chinwe Kalu: My Vicious Mothering Cycle

I like to think of myself as a trendy, intelligent and knowledgeable mum. Recently, one of my children announced to me, ‘Mummy you know everything’. I felt so flattered but my feelings were short lived.

Why do children like to make their mums feel they belong to another age? I experience one thing or the other that makes me feel maybe they are right. My son was talking about his dad being a good, hard working man, guess what he said? ‘Daddy is a beast!’ Whaaattttt? Then, he quickly adds, ‘Mummy, it’s not what you think’.

What about when I am watching a movie or show? If I miss a part of the movie and ask, nobody responds. It feels like I’m a stupid irritant who should be ignored. When I start to make a fuss or threaten to change the channel to TBN, one of them suddenly says, ‘But Mummy, you were watching it with us’, as if asking questions is the most stupid thing to do.

I was on a flight and the entertainment was out of this world for me- the best of Diana Ross is a treat for me anytime- Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, and the like. I was sitting beside my then seven year old last child when someone suddenly tapped me, ‘ Mummy, you’re freaking me out’. What did I do? I was singing out loud. She still talks about it two years later. ‘Never sit beside mummy in a plane’. What is wrong with singing my favorite tunes? Why did she make me feel stupid for singing my favourite song? To think they ran to the same stupid mummy when they have challenges with their Math or Science. Whenever any of them says, ‘Mummy, I need your help’, I tell them, ‘You mean I can still be of use?’

Or the boy issue? ‘Mummy, we need to talk’. I go, ‘With me? You truly think I can help you?’ and they tell me, ‘Mummmmmyyyyyy, of course you can help’.

One minute, they think I should be quarantined for being from another age, the next, they rush into my room and want to watch a movie with me. Why can’t they just make up their minds?

I get the roller coaster emotions, one minute; I am wanted and needed, the emotions go up. Then the next, I am the one they should run from; my emotions are down. What am I to do?

Then I remember I did the same to my mum. She had this uncanny way of falling asleep even in the middle of conversation, so we just dismissed her questions. Now I know how that must have felt.

I used to look for any opportunity to call her ‘old’. Now when my kids call me ‘old’, I scream, ‘I am not old, don’t call me old’ and they reply, ‘But Mummy you are old’. When did being in your fourties mean you are old? Now I know.

I guess it’s a vicious cycle. I did it to my mum, now they’re doing it me. What can we call it? The Endless Mummy Cycle.

I am not sure I’ll ever get used to it. I must say my mum was very graceful about it. Luckily for me, she’s not here to remind me, ‘Nne, you used to say that to me’. She died many years ago.

One thing I promise my children is that I am not dying. I will be here to remind them, ‘You said that, remember?’

Don’t mind me. I love my kids. We have had several laughs about my questions or singing. Mothering is never boring, especially when you have four of them. Life is full of stories. It’s an amazing experience.