Do You Know The One Word Experts Say You Should Avoid While Instructing Your Kids?

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Do you constantly add an “OK?” whenever passing an instruction to your children, for instance, ‘You need to take a nap now, OK? Well, Yahoo Parenting‘s Jennifer O’Neill says you may be making a quite costly mistake in communicating what you actually want to your children according to experts.

Read an excerpt of the piece below:

It’s just two little letters, but the “OK?” that so many parents are tacking on at the end of everything they say to their young children today makes a big difference in them actually getting the message.

“As parents, we want to feel like we’re giving kids choices, not dictating to them all the time, because that can feel mean and harsh. We want to be all loving and do anything that’ll prevent tantrum. And giving kids choices is great, but the fact is, it’s a world of limits and there’s a lot that kids have to learn to do and accept [in order] to be successful in life. What’s really loving is helping kids understand what the expectations are,” Zero to Three parent coach Claire Lerner tells Yahoo Parenting.

Issuing every instruction like a game of “Would You Rather…?” not only leaves the outcome to a preschooler’s whim, it confuses them. “When a mom or dad adds ‘OK?’ at the end of an imperative, command, or directive, it dilutes the power of your message and implies that you are asking your child’s mutual consent,” Beverly Hills psychotherapist and The Self-Aware Parent author Dr. Fran Walfish tells Yahoo Parenting.

Simply be direct and you’ll have a better shot at getting the behavior you expect, including from very young ones. “Even a 2-year-old understands that a question is a choice,” says Lerner. So give kids some useful clarity and issue directions, not multiple-choice questions, when you really just want them to put their crocs in the shoe basket already.

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“Spell out the difference between a ‘direction,’ and a ‘choice,’ by labeling them as such,” she advises. “Charlie needs to put on his coat? Say, ‘Charlie, this is a direction, you need to get your coat.’ And if you’re offering a choice, by all means, tell him, ‘This is a choice. Pick whether you want to first put your toys away or put on your socks.’”

“Kids have so much to figure out, and more clarity can give them more stability so they feel better able to organize their own behavior and their response,” Lerner adds. “When you say, ‘It’s time to give me back the iPad, OK?’ Kids are like, ‘No, not OK. I don’t want to give up the iPad.’ Then when you come back and say, ‘I need that iPad now,’ they’re confused.”

The more that parents help children understand expectation of them, the easier transitions become because kids know what to expect, she says. She adds, “That’s how they learn to get along in the world.”