8 Ways to Curb Sibling Rivalry in Your Home
Ololade Hector-Majekodunmi
For most parents, fostering close relationships between our kids is one of our greatest concerns. We want our children to get along well and show love to one another! We definitely should be concerned when their disagreements and rivalry fester. As much as disagreements are inevitable, they must not be too constant and we must prevent strife and malice at all cost.
Find 8 things you should do:
READ ALSO:Ā 7 Ways To Discipline A Toddler Without Spanking (Part One)
1. Have Good Structure and Rules in Your Home
If your children know your values and the way you are all to conduct yourselves in the home, adults included, there will be less ārefereeingā for you to do. Make fewer, more important rules instead of a long list of dos and donāts. For instance, itās very normal for children, from a toddler to a teenager, to hit each other sometimes. If you have a āno hittingā rule in your home, then you must enforce it. When a child beats or hits his sibling, it is appropriate to have him make amends or be punished for doing so. This will restrain them from physical combats.
2. Teach about offence and conflict resolution
Donāt wait until there are issues before you teach them. Set clear expectations for behaviour with rules and follow through. Simply tell them, āOffence will come, but all you need to do is to tell the other party how you feel. If you get an apology, forgive and let it go. If the offending party refuses to apologise, then report to your parents, teacher or guardian as appropriate depending on your location (That is why we have court rooms in society; sometimes a mediator is necessary).ā Emphasize also that they must never hit anyone for any reason. I told my preteens, only savages fight physically (Let them look up the meaning in a dictionary), civilized people talk and iron out their differences verbally.
3. Have a regularĀ āencouragement feastā
This is an idea from Redirecting Childrenās Behaviour course which works. It helps children remember the good in others and not focus on their weaknesses. The family sits in a circle with one person in the middle. Each family member says one positive thing about the person in the middle. For example, āOne of the things I love and appreciate about you, Seyi, is your great sense of humour.ā After everyone has encouraged him, he then says one thing he loves about the others. Afterwards, another family member takes his place in the middle. The exercise continues until everyone has an opportunity to be in the middle and be encouraged. Children love this exercise and it teaches them to receive encouragement as well as give it.
READ ALSO:Ā Knowing Your Child’s Individual Differences and How to Accept Them (Part One)
4. To avoid breeding hostility, treat all your children equally
Never compare them to one another and ensure you donāt show favouritism towards any child. Many parents are guilty of this and itās a sure-fire way to spark or fuel sibling rivalry. Also, itās easy to allow the hot-headed one to have his way when wrong. We must guard against this, else, the calmer child will feel cheated and may begin to resent the other child. Please note that the hot-headed child needs our help to conduct himself in a socially acceptable manner. Constant criticism, endless punishment or generally being harsh does not help.
5. Encourage positive behaviour when you notice it
When you see acts of kindness, comment and appreciate them. Reward exemplary behaviour from time to time.
6. What we model to them when we have issues with our spouses is equally important
If our home is a constant parental war zone, we canāt expect a different story with our children. Also, how do we model conflict resolution to our children? Spousal argument can be an opportunity to show your children how to communicate. When you argue, apologise and make-up in your childrenās presence, you are putting your constructive rather than destructive skills on display. Your older children particularly will learn to do same overtime.
7. Mediate when one child reports another
The ājust stop itā approach teaches kids nothing, rather, it makes the issue fester particularly with teenagers. Mediate without taking sides, hear both parties out, allow them to pinpoint their grievances and make them apologize to each other with a hug and an āIām sorry.ā
8. Surround them with idioms, proverbs and wise sayings on unity and peace in a subtle non-hounding way
You can write it on a piece of paper weekly and paste it on the fridge where everyone will see it.Ā For example, āDo unto others what you would have them do unto you,ā āThere is power in unity.ā
READ ALSO:Ā 7 Ways To Discipline A Toddler Without Spanking (Part Two)
We cannot change our childās temperament, but we can teach our children ways to deal with their temperament challenges. We cannot afford to be powerless with issues concerning the development of our children.
Hmmm nice piece. Noted MIM.
Thanks for sharing MIM.
Thanks MIM
I wish all of these will work for my kids, they just can’t stop. OMG!!!
Nice piece tnx
thanks for this MIM
So true n thanks for sharing
Noted. Thanks MIM.
Kids just know how to drive u crazy.I’ve just learnt new ideas.Thanks admin
Thnx for sharing MIS
Well noted tnx admin
Thanks for this write up, nice one.
Thanks MIM
sometimes children are stubborn. thanks for letting us know
Thank u.
tnx mim
Thank you MIM
I love this. I am going to save it as it will.come in handy very soon
Noted
Thanks 4 dis MISM
nice piece
Thanks for this piece of information. Child upbringing really matters.
Very insightful