Dear MIMsters: My Friend Betrayed Me And Now She Wants Me To Do This

Mimsters, I would like your genuine opinion on this matter. I am someone who finds it very easy to give others a helping hand. I have been kind to so many people but I get betrayed in return. Not that I expect anything back though.

Few years ago, I had this friend, Sandra, (more like an acquaintance) who got pregnant for her womanizing boyfriend. This is a guy who impregnated two of Sandra’s close friends, so her parents were not in support of their relationship. She was alone but I was there for this lady in every way possible.

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To cut a long story short, 4 years after this incidence, I received a phone call from a lady who claimed to be Sandra’s sister, Pat. Pat said she needed help. Immigration was after her and she needed somewhere to hide. God is my witness, that I told Pat to turn herself in and do the right thing.

I told her that since she’s dating a guy from the country, then they should go home and get married. Her husband can then apply for her to come and join him. They did that and it worked. But the the guy divorced Pat 2 months later. She was devastated but wouldn’t tell me what she did. I stood as a friend and supported her and encouraged her to move on.

A year later, Pat met a guy with my help and they got married. Note that, every time this lady comes to my house, she would make statements like, “you are lucky to have such a man,” “you live in a rich neighbourhood” etc. I always made her understand that I did not marry a rich guy. I married a man who started life just like myself. All that she sees didn’t just happen. It took years for us to get to where we are now. Funny thing is, we were still renovating our house and there was nothing special about where or how we lived. Her ‘funny’ comments began to make me uncomfortable. So I decided to be careful with her.

I restricted her visits but one thing I never did was to tell her deep things about my marriage and our plans.  I am thankful to God that I always watched my words around her.

Fast forward to recently, for the first time in our 3 years friendship, I asked Pat to help me do something. It wasn’t anything demanding. I just needed her to help organise an upcoming event. I just needed her help for 45 minutes. She agreed at first but later called to tell me that her hubby didn’t want them to come. I knew she was lying but I kept this to myself.

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A month later, her hubby, Jones called to find out why my hubby and I decided to block everyone (he joked). That he had wanted them to pay us a visit so we could spend sometime together but his wife told him I said we didn’t need any visitors at that time. My hubby was about to narrate what transpired between Pat and I, but I signaled him to stop. He gave me the phone and I told Jones that I would like to talk to his wife first before I say anything.

I did that because Jones had told us before that his wife, Pat lies a lot, so I know he does not trust her that much and I didn’t want to create a mess.
When I called Pat, I guess her husband was there. She started making up stories and lied to my face. She even went as far as conniving with Sandra whom I helped some years back. Came up with a story that, when I was helping Sandra, I spoke bad things about her to her boyfriend at that time, because I was interested in him. She said that I go about sleeping with any man and that I don’t deserve to be married to my husband. That it’s my character. She said I look nice but I’m poisonous. She said I went about telling people how she, Pat and her husband borrowed money for their wedding and how broke they were after. That they are poor and live in a wooden house while I go about showing off our assets. That I am jealous of her so I go about making up stories just to make myself feel good. That my hubby should be careful about me since I go about sleeping with any man behind his back.

During this tirade, my husband who had been listening quietly, spoke up in my defence. My husband was the first man in my life (sex wise). He warned them that they could say whatever they wanted but he wasn’t going to tolerate them portraying me as a prostitute. That he knew the lady he married. Told the man he’s had enough and asked him to go his way.

Pat and her husband were shocked. Apperently, they expected an argument would ensue between my husband and I but I did not say anything because my husband told me to ignore them since I had just had a baby. Their lies didn’t end there. The people who once respected me, including some church elders heard and they were all disappointed. I could go on and on.

They said I was trying to destroy her home. I was hurt, disappointed and ashamed before my husband, since he had previously warned me about Pat when she was making those funny comments.
Six months ago( almost year after this whole drama), Pat’s husband called to check on us. We did not answer. He left a message asking how we were faring. The message also included information about their new car, their house, the new job his wife has, how good life was for them etc. We had a good laugh listening to that message. It sounded very childish.

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According to the message, Pat has forgiven me and it would be nice to hear from us. We’ve not returned their call till date. Since they said I was the one who was jealous and a home breaker, why are they trying to come into our lives again?

Now, Pat’s husband wants to settle the matter between me and his wife so he brought in someone that my hubby and I respect to talk with me. I told the person that there’s nothing to talk about. The person they sent is an elder whom I consider to be a mother to me but she thinks that I’m being difficult. She said I should just hear them out but I’m not ready and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for such. My husband is in support of my decision. He doesn’t even want to see them again.

Mimsters, what will you do if you were in my situation? Do you think I’m being too difficult? Will you open your door for such a person a second time?