Confessions Of A Mum Coping With Anorexia: How Desperately Wanting To Please My Man Turned Me Into This

Inspired by Mums Netwalking against violence towards women and children and to support this cause, I deem it an honour to share my story.

My childhood was full of physical, emotional and psychological abuse. Growing up in Africa was tough without a mother to confide in, no sibblings to share my emotions with and my dad was nothing to write home about because He never cared.

So when I met JONES at the age of 19, I felt loved, respected and I “knew” that I was going to have a better future with him if we ended up getting married. We were just friends then. We talked about everything. Jones knew about my childhood and he was willing to do anything to get those memories off my thought.

Fast forward to 3 years later, I found myself outside the shores of Africa with Jones where he lived with his family. His parents adored me. They were genuine people who had my interest at heart. Back home, nobody knew I was out of the country because no one cared enough to know.

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The first 18 months of living with Jones was great until the psychological torment and consequently, the trauma started struck. I weighed between 47-50 kg. Yes, I was really tiny but Jones started calling me fat. He told me how ugly I was and how I didn’t deserve to eat. He told me he was embarassed about people seeing us together in public because he thought I was so fat and lazy, he couldn’t just take it any longer. There was always a big gap between us (with him being far ahead of me) whenever we went out. He was truely embarassed.

He started beating and calling me fat ass whenever he was upset about something. I was too scared to talk back at him. He was tall and huge and he could lift me up with only one hand, throw me on the floor and punched me. I was started living in hell. The Jones I knew was now a different man.

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I had never felt lonelier in my life. I was far away from home with no friends or family to talk to. I was emotionally weak to stand up for myself. I was going to do anything to please him even if it would take starving myself to look good for him. I would force myself to vomit after every meal and within two weeks of doing that, I lost 10 kg. It did not stop there as I kept doing that to lose weight for him until it became a life style that I could not stop.

Despite losing about 20kg in total for Jones, he kept on beating me and calling me fat ass and ugly. He would tell me how ugly I was and how no man was going to marry me if he left me. I would cry and beg for his love. He threatened to rape me one night but I shouted so loud that our neigbour came knocking at our door and before we knew it, the police arrived. They took me to the station and tried to make me talk but I refused. In asmuch as I wanted to turn him in, the question of where I was going after that, wouldn’t let me. And I still loved him.

I found out later that Jones was having an affair and he blamed it on me for not allowing him to “sleep” with me. We were going to get married in a few months and would beg him to end the relationship with the lady. I got sick as a result of not eating and was admitted. I was told that I had anorexia. He never showed up to see me at the hospital where I spent one month. I came home to find Jones sleeping with a woman in our apartment. I was shattered and heartbroken. I begged him.

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I became friends with my curious neigbour who eventually helped me get a place and a job. I moved out of Jones’ house and promised him that I was never going to return to him. I was now independent but that emotional and psychological trauma was still lingering around. I went through various forms of therapy which helped.

Today, I’m married with kids but still struggling with this eating disorder.

Women let’s arise and fight for our rights. Let us arise for justice. Let us arise for freedom. Let us arise against the violence towards women and children. Let us arise and create awareness that will put an end to this once and for all.

You may escape the beatings and be healed of bodily harm but the emotional and psychological trauma may take years to heal.  ARISE WOMEN AND SUPPORT MIM IN CREATING AWARENESS.