Memoirs of a mum: ‘Does the Mummy Role Ever End?’ – Chinwe Kalu

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Chinwe Kalu

In recent times, in one of my memoirs, I have asked myself, does the Mummy role ever end? If it does, when does it end? Just a rhetoric question, I should know that it never does. But I have discovered that mummyhood works in phases.

I remember when my children needed me to do everything for them. They could not even think or do anything for themselves. I had to feed, clean and think for them. I think that is the best phase. No questions, no resistance, especially if you are an informed Mum. You just do what needs to be done and keep them close and everything is fine.

Then came the discovery phase. The children were beginning to experience their world. It starts with the sit, then the crawl, then the walk. It dawns on them that life has more to offer. Then their curiosity takes hold of them and they really want to explore. This phase, considering I have four children, was the toughest. They were born two years apart, so, I was gasping for breath the whole time. I had to manage the different stages of that discovery season simultaneously. That feels like juggling four balls at the same time, watching to make sure non drops. With balls, the juggler somehow keeps it going. With four vibrant and healthy children with different personalities and interests, we have to find another word for what I was doing. Luckily none of my balls dropped.

Then with a sense of relief, I watched them all calm down and truly begin to embrace life, making decisions and enjoying the benefits of making good choices and the suffering for poor ones. This is the motivation phase of mummyhood. I believe that is where I am now. Is it easier than the other two phases? I would not describe it in terms of easiness but it has its peculiar challenges.

This phase requires Godly wisdom, intuition and great patience. What makes it challenging is that it is a role you play without them understanding what is going on. You coach, cajole, tell stories; lots of stories, to help their decision making processes. I realized I was not allowed to shout, threaten or be seen to be giving outright instructions, except in extreme cases. The key thing is that the final decisions must look like they came from them. Like they are really smart and they know what to do.

How do I know I am getting it right? By their final decisions and the results they get. By the way they handle challenges. By the way they relate with their peers. By the way they call to tell me their latest conquests. By the way they rise up to challenges. They just make me proud.

In the motivation process, I am able to teach them to pray, to read their Bibles, to live by faith, to persevere, to push themselves for more, to live excellently, to see themselves as leaders. I tell my failure stories and tell them my regrets, the areas I could have done better and what they cost me. That does so much more than nag them for better results.

Above all, I model my motivation for them to see. They watch me. They watch me closely. I realize that if my counsel and lifestyle do not tally, we will have issues. I walk my talk. I don’t live by double standards. I don’t lie to them. I think that is the most important thing about motivating my children.

Is the motivation season the last one? I don’t think so. At the moment, that is where I am as a Mummy but I really don’t think so. I have come to understand that I will probably always play this role but with time, they will need less of me.

Guess who will need it then, their children, my grandchildren. At that time, my son and daughters would have come to understand my tactics and will begin the same process with their children. At that time, I will have the pleasure of being Grandmum Motivator.

Does this phase end? I am glad it does not, not in the real sense of it. I have the privilege of doing same for the next generation. What does that make me? Mummy Motivator Extraordinaire. That just sounds so cool. I am sure you think so too.