Marriage: What it is in Our Society Today

Every marriage is unique in its own bearing. It is a two way street with as much commitment needed from both parties, in order to guarantee the success of it but this has taken a different route in our society today. Trust, honesty, fidelity, effective communication, intimacy, friendship, non-violent environments, these are the core values that every marriage needs to be built on.

It is sad however that some cultures and people in Nigeria, still hold on to the mentality and belief that the woman is responsible for the “success” of her home. Agreeing to commit the rest of your life to an individual, is not a promise to be made by the feeble minded. It is safe to assume that once a promise like that is made, both parties are to be held accountable. It is degrading to womanhood, when a woman is advised to “endure” her marriage even to the point of abuse, society frowns at the woman who cheats, but turns a blind eye to the man who does the same and has children outside his marital home because he provides for the family. This action alone, promotes gender inequality and prejudice.

Young couples who are just entering into the institution of marriage, are given unbelievable advice, where the woman is asked not to ever go through her husband’s phone, because he is a MAN. I once heard a saying, “If he has access to your private parts, what else is so private in life that he wishes, or you wish to keep from him?”. Again, the woman is asked to pray for her husband or her home, but why is the husband not given this same mandate?. This is not a pass for couples to snoop through each other’s phones, or that the husband should not pray, absolutely not. As said before, both parties need to be open, honest, and very transparent with each other.

Love is the supposed reason for marriage, unfortunately, it is not enough to keep a marriage together. You will need:

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• Friendship and Spending Time Together
• Intimacy
• Trust and Honesty
• Supportiveness
• Effective Communication
• Effective Conflict Management

All of these, coupled together with understanding and boundaries, that both parties have to arrive by, and ensure that family and relatives abide by, will help them have a better grasp of their lives.

Let us remember that, marriage is not for the man and woman alone, it affects our children too. Whatever we allow carelessly, whether by means of tradition or negligence, this is the standard we will unreasonably set for our children.