Dear MIMster: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Vindictive Sister-in-law

Please read my story carefully and judge me. Tell me where I went wrong with my vindictive sister-in-law. People talk about how sister in laws are very wicked. Please tell me where I went wrong in this matter.

I brought my 27 year old younger brother abroad. My brother got involved with some white girls that didn’t end well. On one occasion, he was detained at the police for a night. On another occasion, his white girlfriend burnt his clothes and threw him out of their house. Then, I advised him to get married to a Nigerian lady. He refused but I persisted and informed my parents. We all forced him to get married to a Nigerian woman.

He asked us to find a wife for him since he doesn’t know of any nice Nigerian girl. My family and friends gave him dozens of girls to choose from. He chose one girl through my other younger brother’s classmate. He chose the girl because she responded fast. Other girls gave excuses like they want to know him better and so on.

When it was time to pay the bride price, this woman called my brother and told him that she has been married for one year but left her husband because he was gay and smokes Indian hemp. My brother was shocked. My dad immediately opposed the marriage but my mum convinced my brother to continue because it was not her fault she left the marriage. My mum thought she shouldn’t be judged because my sister was also divorced. I didn’t know what to say. I was just surprised why she waited until this stage before letting my brother know about her past.

My brother reluctantly decided to continue since it was mum funding everything. My mum and my brother pushed me into getting her a visa urgently since she was keen on travelling immediately after her traditional wedding. I was 7 months pregnant then. I had to go downtown, a 30 minutes journey to the immigration almost every day to process her visa and I paid for the whole process as my brother refused to pay.

Did I mention that I left the county I was resident in for a nearby country and I had to process the visa for her to come to where I was resident and then cross to the other country through the border. I did a study visa for her and a visitor’s visa for my mum so they could both come together since my  can come mum was coming for my child birth. Everything went well and they came. I was so excited. We welcomed her well. I took her around town even before her husband came over to pick her.

She stayed for a month in my house to study before leaving with her husband to the other country. Her stay in my house was one terrible experience. She took over my kitchen and complained about my food. My husband never liked her cooking and asked me to take her out of the kitchen but my mum insisted that I allow her cook to show off her cooking skills. She complained about everything in my house; about how I talk to my husband and the expensive jokes I play with my husband.

We have been living like this for 10 years and we enjoy playing like that. Even my mum and brother joined in the joke but she was always making faces. We ignored her. After studying her, my husband told me to be careful with her that she is evil. But he didn’t tell me why he said so. Just before she left she told us of a boyfriend whose marriage proposal she turned down just to marry my brother. When they left my house, I jumped for joy.

A month after they left, I noticed a guy tagging always me on his Facebook pictures. I checked him out and saw threatening posts to my brother’s wife, telling her to return his car or he will expose her. I called my brother’s wife immediately to tell her what I saw but she laughed it off and said that the guy is attacking her because she dumped him for my brother. I forgot to tell you that my brother’s wife announced to us a week after she left my house that she is pregnant.

Probably she got pregnant in my house, no one can tell till today. And she met my brother for the first time in my house. I bought the fight immediately and started insulting this ex on Facebook. He started posting my pics with captions of how he had sex with her in his car and on the flight when they were going to Dubai on holiday. I couldn’t bear it any longer, so I told my husband. I got the guy’s number from his business on FB after our wife said she didn’t have his number again and gave it to my husband.

My husband called him and talked sense into him. He told my husband everything he knows about this girl. How he has fenced and renovated her parent’s house in the village, taken her brothers to Germany and started business for them and recently living with one of them in his mansion in Lagos and how he bought a car for her. He had taken her to Dubai for shopping and to Ghana to visit his ex wife and kids and was currently processing visa for her and her mum to fly to Germany for treatment and currently lives with her in lagos. She told him that she was going to the East to visit her parents and for a friend’s wedding, not knowing that she was going for her own traditional wedding. And when she did not return after 3 weeks, he investigated and found out that she had left the country. That is how he became friends with my husband. My husband asked me to apologize to him after telling me the story. I was shocked and I apologized to him.

A week later, my brother called me to accuse me of telling his wife to get money from her ex and warned me not to call them again in my life. I was dumb founded cause I didn’t do it. I started avoiding her calls. I called my parents and told them what happened. My mum later called me to tell me that it was a mistake by my brother who caught his wife talking on the phone with someone and saying that she would have taken more money from the ex before leaving. My brother asked her who was that and she told my brother that she was talking to me and I told her to get more money from the ex. My mum said that she was trying to protect herself, that I should forgive. She called me almost 100 times but I have refused to pick her call. My brother tried also but I refused to pick his call. I only forgave them after their baby was born but I kept my distance.

Her ex and my husband started doing business together and she didn’t like it. Her brother who lives with her ex gives her information about everything that happens in his house and office. Her ex told my husband to get a visa for 3 guys, the ex was paying for one of the guys while the other two was sponsored by their father. When everything was almost done, I received a call from the ex one day, telling me to tell my brother’s wife to stop disturbing him and his family. She called his brother and some of his friends to tell him to stop giving me money to process visas that I will run away with their money. When he didn’t give them ears, she called him to warn and insult him that he should stay away from her husband’s family.

I have done visas for a lot of people and none has been denied. I have my contact in the immigration. I pay companies to invite people for events and it can never be denied. What she did was to call the immigration to tell them that the boys were coming to do drug business. But the poor boys were coming to live in the country. They cancelled the visas and called me for queries. My contact there told me that the overall immigration officer got a call from someone. I reported the issue to the ministry of foreign affairs, they settled the case but they told me that since the visa has been cancelled, I have to start the process all over again.

I called the company in charge and they told me that they won’t return the money since the space has been sold to us and that they did their job very well. Now one of the guys has been sending me threatening messages on WhatsApp, calling me a fraudster. His father has threatened to arrest me if I don’t return the 50% they paid to me. I used this money to pay for the processes. The remaining 50% was supposed to be my gain but they were supposed to pay me after the visa was ready. My mum said that I was wrong for doing business with the guy after he insulted our family. I now ask you guys where did I go wrong? I’ve sworn not to forgive her.