Dear MIMsters: I am in a Loveless Marriage. Should I Concede to His Request for a Divorce?

I need help at this point as I am tired of living in a loveless marriage. My husband doesn’t beat me but when I am emotionally down, he never comforts me even with tears in my eyes. Should I concede to his request for a divorce?

He does not show concern when I am sick, instead he calls it pretence and won’t bother to feed me. Due to hunger, I’m forced to get up from my sick bed to make a cup of tea, it’s that bad. I crave for his care and attention so much that I start begging for it but I get none.

My husband can’t go out with me even when we are going to church. Because he doesn’t want to be seen with me, he makes sure he leaves before me so we don’t get to leave together. He makes me feel like I am not wanted. Makes me feel like like I am forcing myself on him. It’s not that I am not beautiful but he prefers being alone than being with me.

I do all the chores at home and he never commends nor encourage me, instead he piles up dirt. He does not support anything I want to do or I am doing. When I wanted to start my Post Graduate Diploma, he told me not to do it yet that I should first save money for a year and go in for it in the next session but with the way things are getting more expensive everyday due to the recession, and since he didn’t promise to assist me if I wait, I insisted to forge ahead with my studies. He made sure not to make any monetary contributions to it and also made life hell for me.

During the course last year, he would leave home early on Saturday morning when he knows I will be leaving our daughter with him. I had no choice but to attend the classes with her and of course, she disturbed me so much in class. Did I remember saying that I got pregnant within the fourth month of taking the course and gave birth immediately after the final exams. He made sure he made life so unbearable for me.

I also transact some petty business around where we live. He will not attend to customers when they want to buy something with the excuse that he is sleeping and it is from this business, I get money  to cook from when the allowance he gives and my salary are exhausted. My husband has been giving us the same amount of allowance as he has been doing since we got married four years ago, even though we now have two kids who need diapers and formulas.

Whenever I buy beverages for the children, he will make sure he finishes it and tell me God will provide. I have an electric stove in the kitchen which he can use whenever there is electricity, but he will leave that and use the gas instead until it finishes. If I ask for money to refill it, he will not answer me. He is a thorn in my flesh and likes doing things to annoy me and sometimes I don’t have any other choice than to attack him with my words and he will say I am insulting him. I realised I am the one who loves him and he doesn’t love me back.

Now, he is asking for a divorce. Should I grant it to him, then beg to feed my kids? I’m a degree holder. I teach in a private schools but my salary can’t take care of my two kids and their education. I am contemplating whether to move in with my mother -in-law,  separate from him finally or beg him to stay while he continues with the way he’s been doing.