Dear MIMsters: How This Marriage Is Killing My Self-esteem

My marriage is killing my self-esteem.

I’m a woman in my late twenties. I have been married for almost 2 years and I have an 11 months old son.

I’m sad to say my marriage seems perfect to others because I have a bubbly and happy personality for one. Secondly, my husband and I can both put up a happy front when outside our home. Well, he doesn’t seem to agree with the ‘happy front’ but to me it’s true.

Since when we got married till date, we’ve only had sex 6 times, that is counting both good and bad ones. It was even worse when I got pregnant and nothing has changed since then. My suppose husband is a chronic flirt who does it with women on his phone.

When questioned, he denies it but if I’m fortunate to find evidence, he claims he’s only joking with them and nothing serious. According to him, I am his wife and I am more important.

It’s funny because as a wife, I don’t feel special or get any special treatment. I would say we are more like business partners than married couples. For an active woman like myself who never gets the attention of her husband, no sex, no compliments, no flirts, no romance, no passion and we are just like roommates, I have tried everything possible as a woman but nothing has worked.

He is either not in the mood, has low libido or is stressed etc etc. Often, I’ve wished I was his job because his job gets his attention and time than anything else. I am not the first woman to be married to a guy who works in an office. We are not so poor, we both earn well.

He is a civil servant and I’m self employed, yet, as a family, we don’t spend time together. Even his son who is almost 1 year is not use to him. We have had countless discussions about this but all I get is promise promise promise and never a positive action.

Now, I feel tired, stressed and always upset. I feel that I am the only one pushing for this relationship.

Will I be wrong to leave this lonely marriage and peruse my dreams of furthering my education to the highest and improving more on myself? As it stands, I don’t think I want to get married again as this experience is a sad one. It’s worse than what I have written but I just decided to keep it clean because after everything, I do love him. Even though I don’t feel he loves me the same way.

NB: Women here would question if I do my part as wife, the answer is yes. I am independent, educated, contribute to the house and in every aspect of our lives, yet respectful. I like to talk about issues or iron them out but if angry I choose to be mute. I’m very active in bed and open to trying new stuffs.. I love cooking and cleaning. I am not saying I’m perfect, not at all.

Should I still wait for this man or should I leave and figure myself out? This marriage is killing my self esteem.