Dear MIMsters: I’ve Been Having Sleepless Nights Because My MIL Wants to Visit Again
I need advice as my mother-in-law is coming to visit and would most likely live with us for about 2 months. I have a 15-months-old son.
My MIL is a very good woman but she has this habit of always forcefully making decisions about my son. When my baby was 5 weeks old, she came for Omugwo (child-care) and stayed with us for 3 months. That experience was a bitter-sweet one. She was really a big help as I was still in school but I disliked the fact that she acted like she has more right to my baby than me.
She doesn’t want me dressing up my baby in yellow, she doesn’t want any form of animal drawing on my son’s clothes because of her faith, etc. The few times I insisted on what I wanted, it resulted into her getting angry, refusing to eat and reporting me to hubby.
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Of course hubby has always been on my side (a fact she hates). Once, I had a serious quarrel with hubby and he refused to sleep in the house, my MIL prevented me from holding my baby let alone breastfeed him. He was 3 months then. That night, even when I begged her that my breasts were aching me, she insisted on giving my baby formula.
I think I still hold grudges (mildly) even though hubby later settled that issue. She left in February and is coming again next week. I am already having sleepless nights on how I’m going to relate with her and get her to respect my decisions without looking rude.
She will forcefully want me to wean my baby and I’m scared cause I wanted to wean my baby @ 18 months. Please how do I handle this sensitive period?
NB : She’s a very nice christian woman but she seems to always misunderstand my words/actions. This is her only grandchild.
Make your stand clear poster.
I sense she is a yoruba MIL? Respect her but you must also stand your ground pertaining your son’s breastfeeding.
Hmmm this is serious! Please just allow her be and when she comes don’t argue words with her so that you won’t create friction in your home because of her temporary stay.
Pls don’t suffer in silence. Find a good time to discuss with ur hubby. Tell him u appreciate all d help mama will be but I can cope on ur own so mama can come n visit n go home( if she,stays in lagos) if not tell him how stressed up u wer d last time she came and all d issues n how u wd rather d stressful situation did not repeat itself. If he insists still dat his mother must come then pls, put ur foot down on wat n wat u want for ur child. Witout being rude
Pls don’t let any1 make u feel uncomfortable in,ur own home. But try not to quarell. Be diplomatic. Good luck. U can always pray to God to keep her sooo bizy where Eva she is that she wil no longer be able to come to urs
Hollup! She didn’t let you feed your OWN SON?? and you were engorged???….boy am I pissed!!…..tell your husband exactly how you feel, how you felt, and how you expect to feel during her visit, no compromising..
What sort of christian will allow the quarrel between husband and wife affect their baby?She didn’t allow you feed your baby even when you were engorged.That to me is wickedness.I think the key to your happiness during her stay lies in your hubby’s hands.When he is in a good mood,tell him how you feel,tell him your fears and leave the rest for him to handle
Try ignoring her answer yes ma even if u won’t to what she said and try not to argue with her
I think u will need lots of patience and wisdom, most especially pray about it and talk to your hubby about your likes and dislikes.
In the first place she does not have the right to deny you from carry and feeding your baby..that’s rude.secondly let her realize that you are the woman in d house not her but let ur hubby understand what’s going on.Also what is she coming to do again..if its to visit, let her maintain her levels.don’t allow her have that superiority over you. Then pray
See comment,some are just saying you should stand your ground like fight or argue with her,My Dear you should be happy that you have a nice & Christian MIL like you said & be grateful that she comes to your house to visit,I know you are Igbo & you know what its means you your MIL doesn’t Visit you,She’s coming to stay for a while & not forever,accommodate her…I think she may not dl the things she did last time
I think you need to stand your ground on decisions regarding your baby without being rude to her. I don’t understand how a mil will rather give formula to a baby when d mother is not dead. Pray dat there will be no problem when she comes and dat God should give you d wisdom to deal with her. If you’re not ready to wean your baby then don’t. It’s a mother’s decision, not mother in laws.
Can u please let ur hubby know ur fears?so that he will be d one to talk for u when she starts.be patient with her antways
thats not christianity,thats selfishness and cruelty.must she visit.
Pray she doesn’t come.prayer works . something will hold her back till your son is a bit older.
Madam,just b patient wit d mama.and use style style to make ur stand known.pls let’s watch d way we talk abt our moda In laws o.bcos wat goes around comes around@ibk ronke we ar gonna b moda inlaw 1day so let do too dem wat we want our daughter inlaws to do to us.best of lurk madam
she doesn’t seem nice to me
The child is yours, nobody has the right to decide what you do or how to raise him.