Dear MIMsters: Am I Expecting Too Much From this Thing Called Marriage?

Am I expecting too much from this thing called marriage?

My husband and I dated for less than 2 years and got married in March this year. Thankfully, I took in immediately.

However, he works outside Lagos and comes home on weekends. Which means I basically live alone in our 3-bedroom apartment. I’m not happy about this arrangement as it’s my first pregnancy and I feel alone. I don’t have female friends that are close to me because I had more male friends before marriage. I had to do away with those I was close to and usually confided in after I got married – hubby always complained about them.

Despite the fact that hubby knows that I have no one to keep me company, when he comes home for the super short weekends, he would stay all by himself, watching football, or invite his friends over to play games with him all day. Another habit he has is browsing the internet with his phone for hours.

I find these very irritating as Saturday is the only full day he spends at home – he comes on Fridays and leaves on Sundays. However, he ends up shouting anytime I try to discuss this with him.

I can’t leave my job in Lagos and move to where he lives – he won’t even let me. Like him, I have a good job. In fact, we earn almost the same income and split most of the major home expenses 50/50.

I had hoped to find a best friend in him but I feel we don’t understand each other. What surprises me is that it wasn’t this bad when we were dating. He enjoys his solitude and acts disturbed whenever I try to cuddle up or chat with him for the brief time he’s around. He sleeps early and doesn’t joke with his sleep, so, we can’t even gist at night. It’s like I’m in a lonely world. I’m beginning to feel marriage is overrated.

I can’t help thinking of this ex of mine sometimes when I feel so lonely. I remember how close we were and how we enjoyed each other’s company always. I was his best friend. I had to call our relationship off mainly due to tribal differences – I’m the only daughter and knew it would break my parents’ heart if I insisted on marrying him. I must state that I’ve never contacted him or any other guy since I got married and don’t plan to. However, how do I cope with hubby’s attitude?

About 3 months ago when I still had serious morning sickness, we had a misunderstanding during the week over the phone. When he came home on Friday as usual, he started talking harshly to me and told me not to bother making any meals for him that weekend. He made hurtful statements like ‘he knows I’m not his wife’. I tried to make peace knowing he would return to his base in less than 2 days but it was all to no avail. So, I followed a thought that came to my mind to move out for that weekend, hoping he would miss me.

I left the house around past 10 p.m. I had hoped he would stop me and maybe we’ll make up from there but instead he told me to go and never return. I was 3 months pregnant then. I didn’t go to my parents’ house because I knew that’s where he thought I would go since I have no close friends. I saw a nice hotel and lodged. I paid for two nights and switched off my phones. I later turned it on and saw messages from my parents and a few female friends who my hubby had called to tell he couldn’t find me. These friends aren’t that close to me and most likely gossiped about the matter afterwards. Wonder why hubby bothered calling them.

Well, I returned home on Saturday evening and met my hubby with one of his friends, playing games as usual. There and then, it dawned on me that all the calls he was making asking for my possible whereabouts were just ‘acting’. That was just 3 months after marriage!

Nothing has changed since then – my life is just so boring and it hurts. I’m 25, pregnant and very lonely. I’ve not heard from him since Sunday simply because we had a minor disagreement before he left. Truth is, I know he doesn’t miss me. I don’t think he’ll ever cheat on me but we are not just close.

Am I expecting too much from marriage? Is this how most marriages are? Or is it my pregnancy hormones playing mind games with me? How do I make him spend more time with me?