“After Nine Years Of Raising 3 Children; I Still Feel Like A Rookie.”- Fabia Ogunmekan, Executive Secretary, WISCAR Nigeria

Fabia Ogunmekan is a mom and a lawyer management expert. She is also the Executive Secretary of Women in Successful Careers- WISCAR, a non-profit organization.

In an interview with PUNCH, she tells Eric Dumo how she has been able to combine her busy schedule and family life together amongst other things.

Read excerpts below…

On her childhood

I am from Rivers State but I was born and raised in Lagos. I went to secondary school in Ibadan, Oyo State. I have fond memories of my childhood.

I have been lucky to have great parents who remain my anchor in life today. I would not describe my childhood as full of struggles or privilege, because I was lucky to experience both in different ways.

My parents were hard working professionals who gave me the best within their power to ensure that I was well prepared for an independent and meaningful life. They were great role models and remain so today.

What are some of the unique or unforgettable memories from your childhood that you still hold dear today?

There are so many. The yearly NTA festivals and all those programmes that came out of the network Jos, Plateau State especially. The music and politics of the 80’s and early 90’s which was about when I was beginning to gain awareness of society.

Also, visiting motherless babies’ homes with my mother, catechism class at church, visiting the beaches and some travels, there are so many nostalgic moments.

Going by the position you occupy today, you must really be a bookworm while in school, was that the case, and did you get any nickname from fellow students as a result of this?

I did well in primary and secondary school. My parents instilled the love of learning in me from an early age. I was not a bookworm by any means, I just did my best most of the time. I had some exams I had to re-sit actually at the university, but in the end, it all worked out well.

In spite of your academic pursuit, did you still find time to attend social activities on campus, like parties and the rest?

Let’s just say I was a well-balanced university student. I lived a full student life and experienced what they say university is about. I kept out of trouble pretty much. I didn’t give my parents any headache.

Being a good-looking woman, how did you handle advances from men while growing up?

I had a good support network of family and friends who were there to guide me along the way. Of course as with life, I made some mistakes and learnt my lessons and moved on quickly.

At what point did you meet your husband and what attracted you to him?

I met my husband as a working woman. I had already been qualified and working for at least six years when we met. He is a great guy. I was attracted to him because he was confident, charming and seemed to have an adventurous streak, but more importantly he was honest, sincere and God-fearing. That was what sealed the deal.

How long did you two court before finally getting married? And how did he propose to you?

We courted for one year prior to the proposal and a total of two years before we actually got married. It was a great feeling but not a complete surprise.

I knew he wanted to get married but I didn’t expect the proposal on the said day and time. I remember that it was a lovely and emotional gesture for both of us.

Adjusting to motherhood could be a big problem for a lot of women, how did you fair in this regard?

Oh yes, it certainly was. All I can say is even after nine years of raising three children; I’m still learning and adjusting every day. I still feel like a rookie. It’s a whole new ball game of inexplicable love and patience and expectations.

I thank God for my husband who is a great partner and co-parent. He makes it so much easier and of course my family and close friends who all play a supporting role.

What are the things you think marriage and motherhood have changed about you?

I’m definitely not as free-spirited as I used to be, that’s more as a result of motherhood than marriage though.

As a mother, I’m more cautious and take fewer risks than I used to. Marriage has been good, we are grateful to God for His grace and all who support us. I’ve definitely grown up through the process.

After years in marriage, what special things do you and your husband do to rekindle your love?

We like to go out to dinner or for drinks or a movie, just the two of us when we can.

Considering the nature of your job, how do you make out time to relax and pamper yourself?

The nature of the nonprofit sector is hard, passionate work that requires full days strategising and executing. I read a lot of motivational books all the time as part of my work but to also relax.

I try to find time for fictional reading when I can. My television is my greatest relaxant! I have the shows I like. I take walks and try to exercise when I can and spend some uninterrupted time with my family on Sundays.

There have been calls for women empowerment in Nigeria. As a society, do you think we are beginning to get things right in this regard?

I think there is a lot of upward traction. Women want and rightfully expect more. The fact that as a country, things are generally economically bad for everyone makes us as women even more impatient with the status quo.

Empowerment is really about coming to a full understanding that in this world, there can only ever be women and men, and it takes everyone chipping in and playing their part, to realise society’s full potential, to get the world working smoothly as God intended it. So, there is definitely heightened awareness for the cause.

How best can the society help young ladies to fulfill their potential?

In my humble opinion, it starts right from the beginning with children, and the expectations that we set for our girls. It takes a re-conditioning that with children there is no difference or set lines between what boys and girls can achieve or aspire to in life.

It really starts from the home and schools and church and mosque, from the very base units of where information begins to filter and character shaped. As women grow, mentorship and role-modelling play a strong part. You are inspired to be what you see.

You are into capacity building, how long have you been into this and was this what you›ve always wanted to do as a child?

I’ve worked for 17 years. I like to describe myself as a lawyer working in development. I have worked in development for most of my career, first as a corporate legal practitioner and then in the field of sustainable development, healthcare, entrepreneurship and now gender development.

As a child, I wanted to be a teacher first and foremost, later a doctor and eventually I chose Law.

What inspired this choice?

I was described as an ‘all-rounder’ in school; essentially I did well in all my subjects except Yoruba. So, when it came to choosing a career path, it was a bit of a challenge but in the end, I chose Law because I really enjoyed discussions and classes around history, politics and civil liberties and I was advised that Law was a pretty flexible profession.

But the truth is when you look at my childhood dreams of being a teacher and my career choices; my journey has really been about impact.