Dear MIMsters: How My Mum Uses Me As An ATM Is Hurtful

It’s so unfair and hurtful how people are quick in judging others, especially women. I read a post concerning the girl whose family wants her to take up their responsibility without caring about her income source, and so would like to share my experience.

My parents got divorced, my mum got a new partner and so did my dad. Years later, I moved in with my mum whose husband was not so “well to do” although my dad was still responsible for my education. I was in senior high school then.

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Suddenly, my dad stopped paying my fees and withdrew the weekly allowance of 1000 Naira that he gave me because my mum would call him and get even with him. It was then time for me to sit for WAEC but my mum didn’t have the money and would not make any effort.

I don’t know why but my mum somehow saw me as a means of making money because she would compare me to other girls my age who were assisting their families. Somehow, I sat for WAEC, JAMB and NECO but my mum would never ask how I got the money.

YES! I had a boyfriend then who is now my hubby. He wasn’t a rich kid or a ‘YAHOO BOY”, the likes of boys the other girls my mum compared me with were dating. But he supported me in every way he could. Even at that, my mum would still rain insults on me. She would say, ‘look at you, you have a boyfriend and you don’t put on good clothes, you can’t even make your hair”.

My mum stopped giving me food even though sometimes, I managed to give her little amounts of money ranging from two to five thousand Naira. Hubby would give me a hundred Naira everyday to buy noodles. Soon, mum stopped me from using her stove to prepare my noodles. I started using that 100 Naira to buy smoked fish to drink with garri.

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Gradually my hubby’s business started yielding fruits, he got an apartment and I quickly moved in with him. By then, I had become the good child she could call for financial assistance.

When hubby’s business wasn’t doing well and hubby had to move somewhere else to start afresh, he asked me to move in with my mum because the house was too big for me alone to live in and it wasn’t wise to keep paying up the rent.

Before he left, he paid for my mum’s rent in advance and left with me a reasonable some of money. Months had gone by and the money hubby left was exhausted because I had my son to take care of. Mum didn’t waste time in turning me off.

Hubby came back, we had our traditional marriage and I moved back with him. Things were a lot better. Then it became my hubby’s duty to pay my mum’s rent while her own husband was hale and hearty. My step dad would even call for financial assistance. But as our family grew, hubby could no longer carry continue to bear mum’s financial burden because his income was still the same.

Hubby never grew up with a father, he never experienced what it was like to have a father. I came from a broken home and didn’t want my kids to experience what I’d experienced.

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Our kids attend the best school in our environment, we can afford a comfortable life. Mum wouldn’t understand all these, so she keeps expecting. She would call and rain insults on me saying I’m the one stopping my hubby from assisting them.

What amazes me in all of these is that I have an older sister who is 12 years older and unmarried, but my mum would not pressurise her for anything. My elder sister has joined my mum to label me a bad person. Recently, my mum has been calling for her rent and even threatened to go back to the village. The truth is, my children come first!

January is around the corner, after the celebrations, my kids will have to go back to school. Her rent can pay the fees of one of my children. I had stated clearly that after paying their fees, I’ll see what I can do. Aside giving birth to me, my mum did nothing for me. With the way she is behaving, I have decided to ignore her.