Dear MIMsters: Which Of These Men Would Be Better Fathers For My Four Children?

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Which of these men would be better fathers for my four children?

I got married to Wale when I was 21, and in quick succession, I had 3 daughters with him. I was a nurse while he was a contractor. He was just trying to find his feet so most times, my salary as a nurse was our saving grace. By the time I gave birth to my 3rd daughter, Wale had become something else, and it was because he desired a male child.

Wale became unfaithful, keeping different women. I tried to ignore him, and worked tirelessly at mending my marriage. I had my 3 daughters in the space of 3 years and medically, I was advised to wait a while before attempting to get pregnant again. I really desired a male child, too, especially since that was what my husband craved for.

You see, Wale is from a royal home and he had always had this premonition that someday, he may become the king of his town so he felt having a male child was necessary for him.

While I was busy working on our marriage, my husband was busy ‘sowing his royal oats’ all over town. Eventually, he got one of his various women pregnant. My children were 8, 7 and 6 years old then so I packed my things and left my marriage with my children. I wasn’t going to wait till I was sent packing.

As God would have it, Wale’s girlfriend gave birth to baby girl. I learnt he abandoned her, and tried with another who also had a baby girl, then he stopped.

When I moved out of our home, Wale never tried to contact me nor his daughters. He kept his 2nd baby mama in our home. He did not marry her and he did not let her go. I am his only legally married wife.

5 years after I left Wale, I met Yomi. He told me he had just returned from USA and was hoping to settle in Nigeria. He told me he had a son with his ex-wife and that his son and wife wouldn’t be coming to Nigeria. He actually married a white woman. Many years later, I would find out that Yomi did not tell me the whole truth.

The truth was that Yomi had a white American wife, with whom he had a son, but kept a Nigerian woman as a concubine. When the white woman found out, she set him up and got him arrested and deported.

When he arrived Nigeria, he couldn’t go back to his family members because he had abandoned all of them while he was outside the country.

He also came into the country with nothing but I found myself falling in love with him, though I didn’t know the whole truth as at that time.

Because Wale would not give me a divorce, I couldn’t get married to Yomi. 3 years into our relationship, which was 8 years after I left Wale, I took in again. This time around, I had a baby boy- Olumide.

A year later, I had another boy- Ayomide and then, Wale got in touch with me.

By the time he got in touch, his daughters with me were 17, 16 and 15 years old.

Let me pause to tell you how my daughters’ relate with Yomi … they detest him!

Since Yomi and I became an item, he has never had a job. I have been responsible for our upkeep. Yomi doesn’t drink, smoke, womanize and yet, he would never attend church or mosque. He is a very bitter man. Yomi would take the pot of soup into our room so that my daughters won’t have access to food when I am not at home. He would hit me and my daughters at the slightest provocation. He once sent them out of the house and my girls had to stay with a neighbour through out the night. I was on night duty that day so when Wale started to contact me again, his daughters were very glad.

Sadly also, I lost Ayomide mysteriously when he was almost 2 years old, so there is only Olumide between me and Yomi. Wale is now into politics. He took my daughters abroad for summer and credited my account with a lot of money because I refused to travel with them.

Wale is asking for my forgiveness, and he says since we are not divorced, he wants me back. My daughters want me to go back to their father. Though I am not married to Yomi, and legally, I am still Wale’s wife, but I have Olumide to consider. When I told Wale this, he said since he also has 2 daughters with other women (he is presently not with either of these women), that he would take Olumide as a blunder I made just like I should take his daughters from the other women, as blunders he made, too.

Yomi is a total mess, he is threatening to take Olumide away from me if I go back to Wale but I know he has no wherewithal to take care of my son.

Wale says if I wish, I could move back home with Olumide.

My daughters want me back with their father. I found out that I am still in love with Wale, but I cannot leave Olumide with Yomi… please I need counsel.