Dear MIMsters: Mr. F Does Not Want Me Anymore and So Does My Own Family

It all started a year and half ago, after my call to bar as a lawyer, when my parents where kin on me getting married and leaving the house. I met Mr. F one sunny afternoon at the mall, when he approached me with the words “hello beautiful” and we started talking and exchanged contacts.

He kept on reaching out to and disturbing me for a week and I told him that I would like to settle down as soon as possible, that I was not looking for just any relationship. Immediately, he responded that he would not mind settling down with me. I never knew that was the beginning of hell on earth for me.

Two weeks later, without me doing a proper check on him and his family, we were already making our wedding plans with my parents. I was so excited that I had made the best decision in my life. My dad even went as far as programming my wedding to tally with the opening of our new mansion in the village (Anambra). I was just 23 years old. What did I even know about living without the comfort or luxury that I was brought up with?

Two days to my wedding, at the village, an elderly woman called me and said, “my daughter, do you know the family you are getting married into?” She said all sorts of things to me about my husband-to-be’s family. My mother in-law to be at that time was living separately from her family and had manipulated her husband and kids, she told me. Innocent me who was trying to please my parents still went on with the plans.

That evening, I went to see Mr. F and asked him if the wedding list was ready and he said he was broke. I foolishly gave him N200k to supplement, then I asked him about what I was told by the elderly woman. He first turned made a quarrel out of it and after much shouting, he told confirmed that his mum has issues but she has turned a new leaf.

The next day, I don’t know what happened between him and my younger sister but he called me to warn her for being rude to him and said that he can never forgive her. As I was about ending the call, my sister rushed to me to ask me to call off the wedding because brother in-laws are to be respectful and not behave as if we are forcing them to marry. She told him that after all, we are the ones marrying them, the only thing that is required from them was the bride price.

The D-day came and with so much attitude as they arrived our mansion, I could see inferiority complex flowing all over them but the wedding came through.

Months into the marriage, I began to suspect my husband was gay as he couldn’t perform sexually and questions had started rolling in from left and right. He was no longer sleeping in the room and said I was inconveniencing him and does not like sharing his stuffs. I would ask him for money for house keep and he would say his money is meant for him only. The house was his and his sister who lived with us made it more uncomfortable. Hubby would then go and start gossiping about me with his sister and they would both laugh.

One day, my parents sent for us and requested we get a check up done in our family hospital. That was when he confided in me that he had a fertility problem. As a loving wife who has promised not to let the words out even to our families, I kept my own side of the bargain.

He and his family kept on treating me like an ‘Ogbanje’ for being unable to bear a child. His mum even went as far as moving into our home to perform deliverance which my parents have never done before on me. She went from TB Joshua’s church to another, from one herb to another. I was mentally getting drained as I was not even allowed to practice in my career. I then decided to go work in my family’s company, just to leave the house as I was not allowed to even play music on my phone or watch TV.

I called my mum severally and complained but she would say, “as a good wife, you are suppose to be able to bear all.” I then confided in a friend sometimes this year that I have fertility issues and she suggested I go to a hospital, St.IVES for IVF. It’s close to her place of work. I visited and was given an appointment to come along with hubby. To convince him to come with me was war.

Two weeks later, my husband’s family had a family meeting without me. I don’t know what they told my husband but he started acting up. With the little money I had, I purchased a water dispenser, cooking gas, generator and an air condition as our home needed these appliances. My in-laws had moved in and I needed to make them comfortable.

My husband had not been at home on the claims that he was busy with work. Work without pay. I installed the air conditioners during this period. When I was at work, hubby’s sister called him to tell him that I installed the AC. He rushed home and sent me a message that did I not take permission from him before buying the air condition and that he would destroy it. This was something himself, mum and sister had thanked me for.

I got home to see that my husband had destroyed a brand new air conditioning I purchased for the house with the little money my parents gave me. I saw AC parts strewn at different corners of the yard. I stepped in and he said, did I see my property outside then, I responded, “did that make you a man?” He looked at me and left in anger.

Monday was supposed to be our appointment at the hospital for the commencement of drugs but he called to cancel. I went ahead to tell them my husband was having a cold feet about.

The next day, my mum called me to say that my father in law has requested to meet with my dad on Saturday because my husband has told them that he wants to dissolve the marriage. My mum said that I should make sure I beg him. I asked my mum why I should beg him since I have not offended him. I called his mum and aunt to beg but she his mum told me that her son has made up his mind. The aunt has been trying to reach him but he is not picking.

I called him and begged him yesterday and he said he had made up his mind that he would be paid handsomely for leaving me. Then I told him about his disability and how much I had spent at the hospital to get a child he then said the secret is between us that I should not mention it at the meeting on Saturday. What do I do next? At home, I am not welcomed and my marriage which I have been packaging is falling down before my very own eyes. I have also been managing my depression. Please advice me.