Dear MIMsters: I Thought MIL Came to Help Me With My Triplets But How Dead Wrong I Was
I thought MIL came here to help me but how dead wrong I was.
I have 5 kids under 5. My boys are 4 and 2 years old and my triplets are 11 weeks old. My husband works from 9 a.m to 5 p.m. I have zero help around the house and so rarely get 2 hours of sleep during the night.
Before my triplets were born, my husband decided to bring his mother from Nigeria. It was a welcome idea, since my own Mom is late and I didn’t have anyone to care for me post delivery. I was ecstatic that at least, I won’t be alone.
Mama arrived 2 weeks before my delivery date and she started a daycare in my garage a week later. Church folks would drop their kids with mama, and pick them up after work. She charges $10/child. There are about an average of 8 kids, minus my babies, in my home everyday. Mama doesn’t help me with my kids but goes to the garage every morning to wait for the kids to arrive. The last kid usually leaves around 5 p.m. After that, she goes back to the basement where her room is till hubby is home. We renovated the basement for Mama, so she could have her own space away from the kid’s noise and all.
After I dress and feed my boys in the morning, they go to the garage to play with the other kids. Then I start the laundry and make breakfast for Mama and I. Sometimes we have leftovers from the previous nights dinner. I usually pack my hubby’s lunch a night before and refrigerate. Hubby helps bathe the babies at night, but sometimes, we can’t keep up. I don’t bathe the babies everyday due to the stress.
When Mama brought up the daycare idea, I tried to get my hubby to talk her out of it but it caused a fight because in the heat of the moment, I blurted out that his mother came here to make money not to look after her grandkids. Since then, he sees pitching in on anything as too much work. After all, he’s been at work all day and I should stop complaining about having to do too many chores. I didn’t set out to have 5 children. Infact, I was on the implant when I conceived my girls.
Now, my neighbours have complained about the smell of urine oozing from the garage and have asked politely that it be cleaned. Most of the kids at Mama’s daycare are not potty trained. They sometimes go on themselves.
We live in a 3 bedroom with 2 toilets. I work all day. No rest. Am I supposed to clean the garage too? I clean the whole house plus mama’s space too. I cook meals, take care of my 5 kids, make dinner for hubby, everyday. Showers for me are a luxury these days. I’m overworked as it is. Hubby comes home tired and exhausted and we can’t afford to hire any help as he’s the only source of income for now. I thought I’d be returning to work after the triplets were born but the cost of childcare for all 5 is almost 80% of my paycheck minus the stress. I love how my boys have kids their own age to play with and all but the cleaning up after they are all gone thing is just another chore for me.
Please what do I do?
Mama was supposed to return to Nigeria in December but she decided to extend her stay for a while. Till when and why, she didn’t say. We don’t fight or argue. I’ve never been rude to her cos I know how much she means to my husband.
Sorry dear, the stress is only for a while, the lord will continue to strengthen you, just leave your mom in law, sooner or later she Will come back to Nigeria, just Keep enduring it for the time being. But truth be told even without your mom in law there with you, you still need help, try and get somebody to be coming in probably three times a week to help in doing some cleaning and some other chores while you only focus on the children. May God send help to you. I have experience something related to this, though my is twins., so I understand what it’s like when you don’t have any helping hand in that situation.