TY Bello Recounts How The Culture Of Silence Killed Her Slowly After She Was Sexually Abused As A Child
Award-winning singer and ace photographer, Toyin Sokefun-Bello, better known as TY Bello has joined the “rape conversation” on social media.
Reacting to Busola Dakolo’s explosive interview where she revealed she was raped by COZA pastor, Biodun Fatoyinbo, the mom-of-twin boys, recounted how she was sexually abused at age 7 and how being silent after the abuse killed her slowly.
TY who admitted that it was quite hard to talk about her sexual abuse after so many years, added that it was such a big relief after she did. She however stated that shortly after she went public with her story, she “faintly began tasting the shame again”.
She went on to say too many Children are being abused and its time to teach them how to use their voices.
Read her post blow…
”I remember how the silence I had to keep after the abuse slowly killed me .. I also remember the relief I found in my relationship God so early. That really was my rescue ..yet for decades I could never find my voice on the matter .. I was still afraid ..Mostly because I felt it may have been the fault of my seven year old self ..somehow..
Fast forward .. almost thirty years later ..I knew better .. and was ‘big’ enough .. I understood the importance of stepping up when it was time to share my story .. and ..I did in my @kemiadetiba ‘s #kingwomen
interview .. it surprised me however,how hard it was to talk about sexual abuse after so many years .. but it was such a relief ..But soon after came the resistance .. In sharing ..I faintly began tasting the shame again .. that same feeling of naked ‘dirtiness ‘’ I had as a child .. it hadn’t completely gone away .It also became clear .. that real stories of sexual abuse still sounded like NOVELTY..
I saw headline after headline .. even in broken English .. this my ‘confession ‘.that ‘ Dem ‘SPOIL ‘ me when I be small pikin’.. It didn’t feel good that it was so ‘sensational’ as I was aware of how massive a plague this was ..WE CLEARLY ARE NOT TALKING ENOUGH ..too many children sexually abused .. too many sex crimes ..especially now .. right under our noses .
I had to push past the inner conflict that talking about it was ‘unnecessary’ … it was too long ago ..too ‘Oyinboish ‘to discuss publicly .. ‘. ‘Then of course ..that talking about it now would make it seem like my family failed me as a child .. but they didn’t .. and could never have known .. I had mastered SILENCE !they were victims too.
Every abuse story is different but it is SHAME that makes them complicated..Sadly , the shame hardly lies with the perpetrators .. So I’ve learnt that it’s time to nail shame right where it belongs ..Far away from the wronged .. Bringing them instead to healing ,justice and freedom.
We must teach ever child the power of their voices ,,Apparently ,we must teach adults too … and more importantly we must learn to listen .. understand and know that Sex is not a dirty word .. but DENIAL is ..”
