Should Couples Operate Timetable For Sex? Hear What Experts, Married Men & Women Have To Say
According to an online report, in a relationship, sex is associated with stability because it increases bonding, especially when each other’s sexual desires are fulfilled. It further states that sex is important in a committed relationship because it increases the level of intimacy that the married couples need to deepen their union.
It is believed that aside from reproduction, sexual intercourse has many positive intellectual, physical, emotional, psychological and social benefits.
A lecturer at the Niger Delta University, Amassoma, Bayelsa State, and a family man, Dr. Ekiyor Welson, says one of the most difficult things to do is theorise and speculate on the best practices for married couples.
Dr Welson, notes that there are no two marriages that are the same, stressing that as people’s fingerprints are different, so are their experiences. The don states,
“On whether couples should have a timetable for sex depends on them. Ordinarily, sex is a spontaneous feelings and emotions and as such, couples are supposed to go with the flow. However, there are situations where sex becomes a problem for couples.
It is either the man or the woman is no longer excited. In this situation, the couples need help. Whatever can make couples not to look forward to having sex again should be looked into.
The issue of timetable for sex is definitely a matter for concern. Couples who love one another and spend time together would always have sex without any timetable.
In summary, when couples resort to timetable for sex, the marriage needs healing. Sex is a pleasurable experience that a couple can enjoy anytime, anywhere and anyway.”
On her part, a married woman, who identified herself only as Funmi, told PUNCH that sex timetable doesn’t work for all couples.
She says for married couples trying for babies, operating a sex timetable is misnomer, misplaced, unthinkable and unimaginable. Funmi, however, says she might opt for such sex option if she has finished with childbearing, adding that for now, such idea is not for her. Funmi notes,
“I am young in marriage and I do not see the desirability of scheduling sex. We have to enjoy it whenever it comes. As we speak, I am trying for a baby and I cannot begin to practise sex timetable with my husband.
“We will have sex anytime we desire, may be God will crown our efforts with success. If at this moment of trying for a baby, we begin to operate a timetable; that will be the peak of foolishness and idiocy. Right now, we have no cause to schedule sex in our marriage and so we have to enjoy it to the fullest.”
A married woman, Veracruz Odahiekwu, faults the idea of couples operating sex timetable, saying such case marks imminent collapse of the union. She argues that if the marriage is in good shape, scheduling sex is absurd and unthinkable. Odahiekwu adds,
“Unless there is a frosty relationship in a marriage, that is when sex timetable can be contemplated to enable the couple to achieve bonding and intimacy in order to bounce back to their once bubbling relationship.
But if they are already in good terms, such development can even affect the relationship to the extent that a partner, who cannot keep faith with the timetable, may decide to go outside to help themselves on their free days.
The situation is more common in a polygamous setting where the husband, in order to avoid friction, may decide to operate a timetable to accommodate his wives. But when it is not in that kind of situation, I believe that sexual intercourse should take place whenever the couples are in the mood to do so.”
Another married woman, Preye Danielson, says lovemaking in marriage should be a spontaneous thing, arguing that having a timetable for sex suggests an admission that sex life between the couples is either dead or about to die.
She states that that endless, spontaneous sex is the dream of most couples, adding that the truth is that it is not really sustainable in the long run because of some life exigencies which couples have to battle with.
Danielson submits that most married couples nowadays are too busy and engrossed with how to make ends meet that they do not have the time to spontaneously have sex with their partners. She adds,
“For many couples, scheduling sex is the only way to ensure that they actually have sex. Once they both agree, they try their best to make sure the experiment works. Yes, I agree that it may not work 100 per cent; it will, at least, impose a sense of responsibility on them to prepare their mind and soul to making the D-day a reality.
Such a timetable will make the couple to refrain from making excuses and strive to perform their conjugal obligations. Sex is a serious matter in marriage and if it is not carefully handled, it can affect the relationship disastrously. Both partners must figure out the best acceptable way they can deal with the matter to avoid any problems.”
Also, a married man, Famous Okonkwo, says there is no justifiable reason to subject oneself to sex slavery by scheduling the time to make love to one’s wife.
Okonkwo, who is a mechanic, says he is the master of his business and anytime he feels exhausted and there is nothing to do, he is free to go home.
He says he will not accept any proposal from his wife to operate a timetable for sex, noting that his wife should be ready for him any time he feels they should have a nice time together. Okonkwo states,
“I cannot speak for other people but for me, I do not subscribe to sex timetable. I did not marry to start drawing sex timetable. I married so as not to mess around. Of what benefit is it that after marrying, I will now be relying on timetable before I can have sex with my wife. It sounds absurd to me and it will not work with me.”
A relationship expert, Olabisi Soetan, states that there is nothing wrong with scheduling sex provided it works for the couples. She says such a timetable indicates that they are prioritising sex and that they know the importance of sex in marriage. Soetan states,
“Scheduling sex is better than no sex at all. If it works for the couple, it is fine and good. It shows that they are prioritising it. It is not a bad idea. It is better than no sex. If couples are busy and there appears to be no time for continuous sex, there is absolute need to schedule it.”
She further says couples are inclined to operating timetable because of their busy work schedule. Soetan adds,
“There is always a situation whereby before the other partner wakes up, one has gone out. The couples, because of their tight work schedule, may decide to adopt sex timetable. For them to have come to that decision, I do not think it is a bad idea. If they have it on their timetable, it may just lead them to have continuous sex again.”
However, a psychologist, Val Eze, asserts that couples operating timetable for sex have proved that they do not have genuine love existing between them. He states,
“When it comes to sex, couples should not fix a time. It is something that should be spontaneous. If a man or woman feels like having sex with a partner and suddenly realises that day is not the day to do so, it can be hurtful and disappointing.
“Couples, who fix timetable for sex, are showing that there is something wrong with the marriage. Since sex is not basically for procreation alone, it has many psychological effects when it happens.”
He adds that there are many psychological and emotional attachments to sex, saying that it is fired naturally and when such happens, it is advisable to satisfy it.
He urged couples to avoid situations where their partners would seek sexual satisfaction outside the marital home. He notes,
“Such a situation may lead to marital conflict because the partners may now seek satisfaction elsewhere until may be the day he will be accepted based on the timetable.
Once partners start seeking sexual satisfaction outside, there will be myriad of psychological problems in the family. Such a situation will engender dissatisfaction in the marriage and there will be anger, frustration and a host of other psychological problems.”