Dear MIMsters: How I Went From Heartbreak To Self-Love After Being Chased And Dumped

About 3 years ago, I met this guy through a friend, he didn’t really catch my eye and it was not love at first sight. After meeting twice, this guy chased me, but I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in any relationship when he asked for my number but I gave it to him later.

About two months later, he called me to ask for a date but I turned him down on 3 different times.

One day, we bumped into each other on my way to the market, and he gave me a lift. We chatted throughout the journey and I enjoyed talking to him. I love intelligent and humble guys. After that day, he didn’t give me breathing space. He told me that he had tried to stay away but he couldn’t fight his feelings anymore. I told him that I still wasn’t ready and he said that he will be patient.

This guy would come to my hostel almost every day. When I had a class, he waited until I was done. During my exams, he would personally make and bring me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As time went by, I began to feel something for him. Like a year after we met, we started dating. I decided to forget my horrible past experience and give this guy a chance.

In the beginning, it was magical, he would call me often, invite me on all his trips, both national and international (though I never followed him on any because I had my boundaries), he would always take me out with him when going for occasions with his friends, siblings, his Dad, and even my mum knew about us. He openly bragged about me to anyone who cared to listen. Sometimes, I felt embarrassed but he tells me not to be that he is proud to have me as his lover.

He talked me up when I was down and always advised me always on how to be a better person.

As time went by, things started to change. He started calling less, texting less, rarely replying to my messages and calling me back. I didn’t make much of it because I know how demanding his job is, but I was already hurting at the level of neglect I was getting. It went on for months until I decided to address the issue.

He apologised and said he’ll change, but he didn’t. I spoke to him again for like 4 more times but the situation became worse. His younger brother told me to be patient and to understand that this is how he can sometimes be, even with members of his own family. I was going to try and manage the situation until I paid him a surprise visit.

I traveled overnight and arrived in the morning. I called him from his gate to see if he was home and he said yes. I said, “come and open the gate, you have a visitor.”

He was happy to see me and so were his two friends who came to spend the holidays with him. But then, the nightmare started. I got into his room, dropped my bag, he had prepared a warm bath for me. Immediately, I got into his bathroom, I saw a lady’s panty. My heart sank into my chest but I didn’t say a word.

When Oga realized that I had seen it, he explained that it belonged to his friend and his girlfriend who used his room when he traveled, I swallowed it.

The next day I decided to clean the house. While cleaning, I saw empty papers and packs of condoms under Oga’s bed, his bedside cupboard and his bathroom window. When I asked him, he told me the same story about his friends using them. I then asked him, “this is a 3 bedroom flat, why na your own room sweet pass?” I let it slide as well.

Then I began to notice more strange things during my stay there. He didn’t for once give me money to cook but when I cooked, he and his friends will all eat and he won’t wonder, “how come?” I noticed more strange characteristics I didn’t know he possessed, but I decided to keep calm.

The climax was the day he lied to me that he wanted to travel and he doesn’t want me alone in the house with his friends. I said ok and went to my hostel. On the day I was supposed to return, he called me and said he had visitors and the house would be occupied so I should extend my stay by two days but unfortunately, I had already arrived at his place.

His friend opened the door for me. I headed straight to his room but it was closed from the inside. I didn’t bother, I sat down in the living room. After about 2 hours, a lady opened the door and left the house. I went to his room and saw that the bed was really messed up. It was obvious the duration of banging that must have taken place on that bed, I almost collapsed. I stormed the wardrobe to retrieve my things so I could leave, but I didn’t see any of my belongings.

I sat in the living room quietly. An hour later, a lady came in and sat down in the living room and Oga followed some minutes later, hugged this lady chatted with her then went to his room with her. It was late so I couldn’t leave, I decided to just calm down and watch from my corner. When he came back to the living room with the lady and saw me, he was surprised, but tried to act cool then left for the balcony.

I just played along. His friends were shocked because they were expecting a tornado. I texted him to bring my things as I couldn’t find them. Minutes later, I heard him entering the visitor’s room then I followed and realized that he had brought my things there, I didn’t mind. I went to his room to collect my charger just to discover that the lady was wearing his clothes and was changing the bedspread. She was also using my charger, so, I didn’t collect it. I just greeted her, exchanged a word or two with her then left for the visitor’s room.

He came in, closed the door, hugged me, and started explaining some bullshit which I didn’t even hear because my head was far. After his drama, I just said ok to whatever he said and he went to his room to spend the night there. I cried the whole night feeling stupid but I still didn’t react.

The next morning, I stayed in bed till noon. The shock was too much, yet, he didn’t even bother to pass by the room or anything. When I finally woke up, the lady had left. His friends looked at me and were speechless. They asked if I was ok and with a smile, I said yes. I spent two more days in his visitor’s room before I went back to my hostel.

He never acted like he had done something wrong, so, I didn’t react. I had all these horrible thoughts in my head, so, I reached out to him a few times more but nothing changed. I almost cried myself to death. I decided to vent off to my friends, and they helped pull me up and made me realize how I was digging my own grave by staying with a guy who lacks respect for me and one who doesn’t know how to keep his zippers up.

I made my decision to move on. I called him and told him that if he didn’t change, it was over. He didn’t know I was serious until he didn’t hear from me. He called and I told him I meant what I said the last time.

A few days later, his cousin, his brother and a few of his friends called me on his behalf, but this time around I had had enough and wasn’t going to go back to being someone’s idiot. This is a guy I gave my heart to despite all his flaws. I stayed thinking he will change, but he was busy taking me for a fool. Thank God I now have a clear head.

The journey has not been easy, it still hurts like crazy but every day is progress and I’m happy I made this choice. So whoever you are, where ever you are, no matter what you are going through, please talk to someone about it.

You might not feel it’s helping but there will come a time when you will be happy you did and above all, always remember this, you are bold, you are beautiful and you deserve the best, so grow up and own your happiness because you deserve it, yes you can do it cos you are strong. Go ahead and get out of whatever toxic relationship you are in before it drains your sanity. Thanks for reading, hope this helps you and/or someone close to you.