Dear MIMsters: My Husband Was Sterile And This Is How It All Ended

In response to the Mimster who discovered that her fiance is sterile and doesn’t know what to do, I hope my story helps.

I have always wanted to share this but I am not sure I am good at putting words together especially when it has to do with the story of my life.

I got married to a man I loved and who loved me too. From the word go, we both wanted kids as I had the intention to travel out of the country after having one kid. We never had intercourse before marriage and no test was done to prove anyone’s fertility. Marriage was peaceful but reality struck 7 months after being married without pregnancy.

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We both work as Healthcare professionals and we needed no one to tell us the next thing to do. Initially, I felt I was the one with the problem and urged him to check himself first before I proceeded to see my doctor. I was even on some supplements. After many persuasions, he went for the test(SFA) to check his sperm count and motility. Unfortunately, he came back with a result that clearly indicated AZOOSPERMIA.

I took it in good faith, consoled him as he was heartbroken, and reassured him all will be fine. I finally spoke to a family doctor who kept asking for the cause of delay and he referred us to a consultant Urologist.

He was asked to repeat the test and the result was the same. He was recommended for surgery with the assurance that I would conceive in 3 months but that never happened. He used some boosters too and we kept our hopes alive.

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Pressure from families and friends kept mounting up but we couldn’t divulge what the problem was or who has it. My mum pressured me to seek herbal remedies but I kept refusing till she showed up in my house one day while hubby was at work. In tears, I divulged our little secret to her, we both wept and she consoled me all will be well and she supported us from then on.

After waiting for several months without luck, we sought spiritual help. We fasted and prayed and kept hoping for a miracle.

In our third year of marriage, we were advised to go for IVF as that seemed to be the last chance. He was quite reluctant and I practically talked him into agreeing. We were both government workers, so we saved and took loans, visited one of the best IVF centers, and commenced treatment as they also promised to see the end of our inability to conceive.

He was placed on medications to help boost his sperm cells and I was placed on daily injections for 5 weeks in preparation for the procedure. With prayer, fasting, and support from very close friends and families, we went for the treatment but unfortunately, no sperm cell was found on the supposed day of embryo transfer. And this was despite doing a fine needle aspiration on his testicles to get at least one sperm cell to fertilize my already collected eggs.

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Oh what a day, talk about raw devastation, I felt my heart broke a million times. I was still under mild sedation when I heard them say that they were sorry.

Are you sorry that the pains and the money spent have come to a waste? I couldn’t process it. We left the hospital in a state of all the feelings you can imagine. I was later called back to consent to donor sperm or have my eggs frozen as they were already matured but I declined as they meant more money to have it frozen till whenever, so I instructed them to discard them. Only God knows if they truly did.

As for donor sperm, we both didn’t consent as it is totally against our faith.

The following week, hubby called me and said I am free to leave the marriage if I want to as it will be selfish on his part to keep me. I cried my eyes out and discarded the idea.

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After 5 years of futile efforts, I got tired and was becoming a shadow of my self coupled with my families urging me to leave. I was still in my 20s while hubby was in his 40s. I sought his permission and left the marriage, and returned to my parents’ house.

Let me not continue to bore you. Today, I am remarried with a son and I have God to thank for how it went as I can’t put everything into words. Would I have proceeded if I knew he was sterile? Not sure. The same way he may not have married me if he knew I will never be able to bear his kids. While some cases of Azoospermia can be treated, others can’t.