Family Coach, Elizabeth Badejo Highlights Three Ways Living Together Separately Can Save Your Marriage
In recent years, the institution of marriage has undergone many transformations, bringing new perspectives into the traditional concept of marriage as more couples make the decision to live together but separately in their marriage.
In this part of the world, couples are expected to coexist together especially those who have made the vow of commitment to their relationship and living separately can be considered a contradiction and breach of the promise made to each other by the wider society.
Just like the world is changing and things that were once regarded as abnormal are gradually becoming normal, some couples have also redefined the meaning of commitment in their marriages by choosing to live and love each other from a distance as the only way to save their marriages from crashing.
In this piece written for Punch, family and life coach, Elizabeth Badejo highlights three ways living together separately can be rewarding for you and your spouse.
Separately loving from a distance
Many couples struggle in their marriages due to unrealistic expectations held by one or both individuals. When your spouse constantly puts you under pressure to give in to certain illogical demands because he/she knows that you really care about them, it can put your relationship under tremendous strain.
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As impractical as this may also seem, loving your spouse from a distance may be a reasonable way to safeguard your relationship if you are both willing to salvage what is left from your marriage. When living together is doing more harm than good, perhaps living separately, and loving each other from a distance can make your hearts grow fonder and appreciate each other more.
Living separately for protection
Living separately can be a sensible way to give yourselves a break from each other if you have tried many failed attempts to make your marriage work; instead of staying in a miserable marriage and continue to make yourselves unhappy in your efforts to conceal the truth from families and friends. When love is being misinterpreted in marriage, it can become frustrating, leading to a feeling of fear and anxiety resulting in exploitation and cohesive control in both men and women.
Living separately can protect you from an abusive and toxic spouse who makes you feel vulnerable and uncertain about your future together. When you have a space to think aloud alone, it can also create the choice you need to change the course of your marital commitment in your solitary space without intimidation or guilt.
Living separately to compromise
Sometimes, it is the small habits that a spouse presents in the marriage that gradually builds up to bigger tensions especially if it is not addressed from the beginning. When your spouse is set in his/her own way, they may find it difficult to cooperate and compromise with you and getting through to them can become a hard nut to crack leading to disagreements and conflicts.
Living separately during this period can alleviate further disruptions as staying in the same space with a spouse who is not ready to negotiate will only aggravate the situation. You have no choice at this stage than to change your own approach since she is not willing to change her behaviour while you are only left with the option to change your own reaction too.
Living separately can improve on your relationship and make your spouse realise how his/her behaviour is affecting your relationship and this may prompt them to make the necessary changes too.