Writer, Nike Adexa Who Ignored Her Family’s Advice To Marry A Man She Earns More Than Shares Lessons From Her Failed Marriage
A Nigerian woman who ignored her relatives’ advice and warnings and went ahead to marry a man she earns more than has told of how her relationship crashed.
According to the lady identified as Nike Adexa, she met a man whom she earned like 5-10 times as much as he did and chose to date him because she loved him.
The guy had wanted them to get married which she agreed to because she really loved him. They finally got married amid objections from the ladies family.
Adexa said everyone warned her but she wouldn’t listen because she wondered what earning power had to do with marriage when there was love.
But, only 6 months in, she said the man began asking her to fund his projects and give him loans which she was not willing to do. She also said he took offense because she wanted him to double his career steps rather than live off her.
She added that abuse started then and when she chose she couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave, he employed emotional blackmail.
She claimed she was emotionally blackmailed and insulted which made her realize that money is the number 1 reason for most divorces and who brings in more changes the dynamics of the relationship.
The writer then shared tips on how couples can navigate in marriages where the woman earns more than the man. She went on to advice fellow ladies about the dangers of marrying down, especially to men who wants to lead the family in a traditional way, using herself as an example.
Read her post below:
“I was young and free. Just before clocking 30 and dating this guy I thought the world of. I earned like 5-10 times as much as he did. He wanted us to be married. It felt great and right only that some older people said No. Reason? I earned way higher.
It made no sense at the time. What did earning capacity have to do with love. Dad said you are even more ambitious and driven with more at your disposal. Don’t do it!. I thought it was just cheap talk.
I stuck to my guns. It was going to be him or nothing else. Love was enough. It didn’t take 6 months before all they said came to life before my eyes. He wanted me to give money for his projects. He wanted loans. I wasn’t willing to do so and it became war.
Verbal and emotional abuse ensued. He cursed me to no end. I was acting too big or thought I was. I wasn’t a supportive lover etc. It went on until I couldn’t take it anymore. Then it got worse. How dare I walk away from the relationship and his love?
The emotional blackmail and insults. It took a while to get over such a person and all because I wanted him to double his own career goals and steps rather than live off me.
Over the years after, I learnt a lesson. Money is the no 1 reason for divorces and who brings in more changes the dynamics of relationships. If a woman does, this has to be discussed headlong and not assume the relationship will be like any or every other.
It won’t be like every other relationship and it’s even different if the woman starts to earn more in a marriage than before marriage. The male ego is very fragile and the freedom money gives a woman may come off as a threat even if unintended.
A gentleman must understand this and be prepared to navigate the relationship away from a basic traditional one where the man brings in the bacon. It is often dangerous when a woman marries down because the man’s once-hidden insecurities come up and fight .
That is when you see unabridged verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. Then the guilt tripping, blackmail, manipulation etc. Only mature and secure men thrive well when a woman brings more into a relationship from the outset. This cuts across races.
A man expected to lead a family in a traditional sense must understand that his leadership isn’t only from money but support, care, direction and guidance he brings as long as he’s not lazy. He only earns less which isn’t a crime.
Most women want their men to step up in all areas especially once married.
ALSO SEE: ‘Leave your wife’s money alone’ – Perfumer Adewale Aladejana Shares Words of Wisdom to Husbands
It helps the woman respect him and view him as a leader for real. If your woman earns more, no problem but don’t be docile or abusive to her. That marks doomsday to your relationship. Step up. Take another course. Seek more openings. Help more domestically.
But don’t be stagnant neither ignore the power dynamics and shifts that come with a non- traditional, non-binary romantic relationship. Things will be different for you.”
View her twitter thread below:
