Nigerian Women Who Got Pregnant, Had Kids In Their 40s Tell Their Bittersweet Stories
For some women, having children at old age is better than not having children at all.
Motherhood experience, while it differs from woman to woman, the end result is the joy children bring to us, no matter the age they were conceived and delivered.
At 45, Joy Emem said she wished that she had children earlier. According to the mother of twins, having children at over 40 wasn’t deliberate because she needed help to conceive. Emem, an event manager, revealed that her journey to motherhood was a tough one laced with many disappointments, heartbreaks and constant tears.
Emem told Saturday Sun that due to endometriosis and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, she didn’t have children for 12 years after she got married. She shared:
“I went from one hospital to another. I knew a lot of doctors because of my challenge to have children. At one time, a family friend told my husband and me that it was a spiritual attack and we needed to visit a powerful herbalist in Ijebu Ode to break the spell of childlessness. It was very tough but I am happy that we now have two children after so much stress.”
Emem stated that having children at her age meant a lot of running around. She added that since her twins arrived two years ago, she is always tired because she can’t keep up with them.
She noted that even though she is grateful for being a mother, it breaks her heart that she can’t be the hands-on mother she thought she would be.
While gushing about some of the things her twins do to keep her on her toes daily, Emem stated that even though they test her patience daily, she won’t trade them for anything in the world. Emem continued:
“I feel like God gave me these children to test my level of patience because I am far more tolerant of things that may have sent me into a rage earlier in my life. I appreciate being a mother and even though it is not easy being a mother at almost 50, I am happy I can tell my own motherhood experience when other mothers are talking.”
At 42, Irene Olatunji said that she had her first child last year. She revealed that she became pregnant two years after she got married because her husband already had three children with his first wife before she died. She shared:
“I wasn’t under any pressure to give my husband children. As a matter of fact, we decided that if we didn’t our own children, it wasn’t a big deal. We moved from Lagos to Abuja two years ago to enjoy each other’s company more and I got pregnant soon after.”
Olatunji stated that while she was pregnant, she was being constantly watched by her doctor to make sure she and the baby were okay. She added that even though she was irritated by being told what to do and what not to do, the doctor assured her that it was for her own good. She recounted:
“I was deprived of some things while pregnant. My doctor kept telling me that it was better for him to monitor my baby and me all the time than for me to encounter problems because of my age.
I was also very tired. For the first three months of my pregnancy, I was on bed rest because my doctor recommended it. He said as soon as my baby got stronger, I could start living my life but still with supervision.”
According to Olatunji, giving birth to her son was tough because she had a caesarean section. She recalled that labour was short but painful and she had to be operated upon. She continued:
“After I gave birth to my son, I understood why some women insist they don’t want to have many children. Recovering from the caesarean section was hard and painful. I was lucky to have help from my husband and his children.”
The mom-of-one said that even though there were concerns about her baby being healthy in all aspects, she loved the experience of being a mother. She added that it is better late than never when it comes to motherhood. She stated:
“Having a child at over 40 completely changed me. My whole world revolves around my son and husband right now. I’m grateful that God found me worthy to be a mother when people had given up on getting married and having a child of my own.”
Nneka Florence Ogunbiyi was 40 when she got pregnant through in vitro-fertilisation four years ago. She said she suffered from endometriosis for years and that made it difficult for her to have children earlier.
Ogunbiyi revealed that one of the challenges she faced having a child at her age was people asking her if she had the energy to push when the time comes.
“I had to cut off one of my friends who kept calling me an old woman because I didn’t get pregnant early. This woman kept taunting me about having a child late. I kept warning her to stop telling me that I won’t have the energy to deliver my child but she persisted and I had to block her from having access to me.”
Ogunbiyi said she was already going through so much stress with her pregnancy that she didn’t need anybody to add to it by being pessimistic.
Even though she was anxious about how her delivery would go, Ogunbiyi revealed that she had faith that everything would go well because there were some supportive people in her life who kept encouraging her. She said:
“My family members and some friends didn’t mock me for being too old to get pregnant. They even encouraged me to exercise, and go out to socialise with people.
They also advised me to eat right. The only place I felt age-conscious was at the hospital. Some young expectant mothers would look at me strangely and mutter some things.”
According to her, her biggest worry was that her child might have Down Syndrome because the risks of that happening are greater when a woman gets pregnant when she is older.
“I’m happy that my child is healthy and we are doing well. Even though I can’t keep up with my daughter’s energy, she keeps me busy. I don’t bother about people who ask me why I had a child late. They don’t know my story and I don’t owe them an explanation.”
Linda Omorodion said she met her husband when she was 38 and they got married when she was 40. She added that some people kept asking her husband if she could have children at her age but he didn’t pay them any attention.
She added:
“I had my baby boy in 2020, one year after we got married and my husband was the happiest man on earth when that happened. He bought me a car as a push gift. Even though some people mocked me about getting married late, they ate their words when my baby was born.”
Omorodion, who is currently pregnant with her second child, revealed that it is not easy being a mother in one’s forties but noted that it is better than not having children at all.
Talking about getting pregnant at her age, Omorodion stated that her pregnancy experiences are not the same.
“My experience with being pregnant with my first baby is so different from the pregnancy with my second baby. For the first 12 weeks, I was filled with constant anxiety and feared miscarriage during my first pregnancy but with this one, I am at peace. I love the feeling of being pregnant and I can’t wait to hold my second child in my arms.”
Nwanneka Okoh who chose to be a single mother revealed that getting pregnant at her age wasn’t a walk in the park because she was ill for the first six months of her pregnancy.
According to the mother of one, when a woman gets pregnant at over 40, there is a higher risk of something going wrong with the baby. She added that this makes your doctor monitor you constantly so that you can be taken care of.
Okoh said:
“I was fortunate to have good doctors who took care of me and my baby until I gave birth to her last year. I was in and out of the hospital until my pregnancy went past six months.
I only enjoyed the last three months of my pregnancy. Being a first-time mum at my age is not easy but I am taking things one day at a time. I also have the support of my family because I am a single mum.”
Okoh revealed that she had her first child at 43 but noted that one of the things she wouldn’t forget was how some women kept asking her if she wasn’t too old to be a first-time mother whenever she attended antenatal appointments at the hospital.
The businesswoman based in Lagos recalled that one day, one woman in her twenties asked her what she was doing when her mates were getting married and having children. Okoh said that she was so hurt by that question that she insulted the woman in question and they had a heated exchange of words before the nurses came and separated them.
Okoh said that the first time she saw her baby girl, she was happy she made the decision to have a child instead of waiting to get married.
“Even though I had my baby through caesarean section, I am glad we are both doing fine. I love my girl and she makes my world complete. I chose to bring her into this world and I will do everything possible to give her a good life,”
Okoh added.