CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: Ways to Prevent Your Child From Falling Victim

Ololade Hector-Fowobaje

The home is the first solution centre to curbing child sexual abuse, including incest, and mothers, especially, should be at the helm of affairs.

Adopting these tips will minimize chances your child ever falls prey:

1. Basic sexuality education for every child in the home

This should start from age 2, and, for older children, must include the meaning of incest (especially preteens and teens) and its consequences. It is not one big, one time discussion, but entails lots of little conversation.

Show them their private parts – the penis, vagina, breasts, thighs, bottom and anus, and tell them:

• Their breasts, vagina and penis are private parts. These parts, because they are private to them, should only be seen by them, and never to be shown to anybody for any reason. Please don’t call the private parts funny names, tell it as it is. Vagina is “vagina”, penis is “penis”. This is important to avoid confusion.
• That no child (whether sister, brother, cousin or friend) or adult (whether dad, uncle, aunt, other relative, driver, guardian or teacher) should touch their private parts for any reason. Even if they are given sweets or money, they should say ‘No!’ Teach assertiveness.
• They in turn should not touch any child or adult’s private part because that is private to them too.
• You can also put up quick-education posters on child sexual abuse in their bedrooms to serve as a reminder.
• Instruct the girls, never to sit on a man’s laps. Why? Abusers press their privates into little girls’ bottom and that’s usually how the abuse commences.

2. Perpetual Vigilance, even around spouses and close/favourite relatives

While it is not easy to identify an abuser, you can watch out for clues. Be suspicious about people who always want to be alone with your children, people who encourage children to break your rules and those you feel uncomfortable with. If you smell a rat, separate your child immediately from the suspect and investigate. Generally, watch out for people’s body language; anything that makes you feel uncomfortable should be checked. If your children suddenly starts avoiding a particular person or place, or are uncomfortable, you should notice and investigate discreetly.

3. Encourage your children to tell you their dreams! Sometimes, through their dreams you can unearth the hidden and negative things on their mind, so that you can quickly correct all misinformation and put things in the right perspective.

4. Shun Carelessness

Allowing your male houseboy or male relative to bathe your daughters is carelessness. Allowing your daughters to go around the house naked or half-naked is wrong. Even when bathing, the bathroom door should be closed, as well as when getting dressed in their bedrooms. This rule applies particularly to preteens and teenagers.

Emphasize the importance of body privacy to your children from a very early age. Tell them not to allow anybody take nude pictures of them. It is also in the best interest of the budding and maturing girl child not to be seen naked by even her father and brothers.

If it can be avoided, fathers should not bathe their daughters. Particularly, men should not wash their daughter’s private parts so that it would be clear to the child that those parts are out of bounds to even daddy.

5. Avoid Exposing Your Children to Sexual Scenes

Ensure the door is locked when you are ‘busy’ and avoid leaving pornographic materials where children can find them. Pornography is a poor sex educator, it’s addictive and can be damaging to anyone, young or old.

6. Set Boundaries

Don’t let your children just wander around in the neighborhood. Don’t allow your kids go over for sleepovers if there will be other males in that house. Many adults report that they were abused as kids when they went on holidays alone at their friend or relative’s homes. Also, it’s very important that boys should not sleep in the same room as the girls and should never share the same bed.

7. Give Positive Affirmation Regularly

Children with low self esteem sometimes look for love in the wrong places and accept ‘perverted’ love from paedophiles. Children raised on constant criticism and blame, neglected children, physically and emotionally abused children are prone to sexual abuse. ‘I love you…,’ these three words should not be scarce in your home.

8. Presents Are No Perfect Substitute for Your Presence

Spend quality time and develop close communication with your kids. Have an approachable demeanour. Dad, join in with mum on this! Structure weekly meetings with them, find out what’s going on in their lives and teach them something new. It is important to let them know that they are priority in our schedules and life in general. Let them know that keeping a secret from you is dangerous. This is to encourage them to speak up if they ever get abused.