Married to a Man With Other Kids? See 7 Ways to Be a Better Stepmum

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Often times, the ‘stepmum’ description leaves people imagining the worst of their bearers, even without really knowing them. It’s typical to think, “They live with their stepmum? Poor kids. She must make them very miserable.” However, this definitely does not ring true in all cases, and yours too should be one of the exceptions.

See 7 things you should do to be a better mum to your stepkids…

1. Give them enough alone time with your spouse. Don’t try to dictate or change how your husband treats, spends time or supports them. Allow them quality time to be together and develop their daddy-child bond. This will keep them reassured of his love and make them happy, even though their mum is no longer home.

2. Realize you can’t replace their mum. Even if they are very fond of you, they will always have that special spot for their mum and likely still prefer their mum to you. So, it’s wise to know your place right from the start and just do as much as you can to develop a cool relationship with them. If you’ve grown quite fond of them also, it helps you feel less hurt when they treat you as a second fiddle.

3. Try to be cordial with their mum. Most women like to see the new woman has the devil that stole their man, however, if your husband’s ex is amiable, it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit friendly with her. Her kids will likely accept and like you more if they see you’re quite cool with their dear mum.

4. Try to earn their trust. Being approachable, patient and there for them as much as possible, like you are for your own kids, will make them see you as someone they can also talk to and depend on. This will ultimately foster a healthy and admirable relationship. Your husband will love you the more for it.

5. Set clear boundaries and be fair. Create rules to enforce discipline, be fair and calm while executing consequences, and praise good behaviour. You’ll know if you’re fair enough to them if the same rules and consequences apply to your own kids. They’ll equally spot that too and be less likely to rebel.

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6. Create lots of family bonding time. Plan regular fun activities for you all – your husband, children and stepkids – to spend quality time together and create memories. Take vacations together if possible.

7. Your best is enough. If they see you as a threat no matter how nicely you treat them and constantly act up to get their dad’s attention, try to keep your cool. Things may change over time as they realize you care about them too but while at it, don’t let their rejection ruin your happiness or cause friction between you and your husband.

Finally, in all you do, think that your kids could also have been in those kids’ shoes and commit to treating them in a manner that leaves your conscience at peace. Don’t join the bandwagon of infamous stepmums!

Photo credit: blackbluedog.com