Dear MIMsters: Should I Marry This Man I Don’t Love Or Just Go Back To My Ex?

While I was in my second year in school, I started dating a guy who was in his final year. He kept a lot of things from me about his family which I later discovered was because he’s from a humble background. We dated for almost two years before he finally opened up. Although I was hurt, we made up.

He sometimes forced me when I decline sex but for some reason, I didn’t think much of it. We were always together until he left school. I even had an abortion for him, after which we became more careful. We had issues but we always found a way around it until he went for his youth service.

Our issues were always because of the pictures of girls on his phone. My point was that if he had nothing to do with them as he claims, then he shouldn’t have so many pictures of them. Eventually, (I wasn’t snooping, the phone was in my hand when the message came in) I stumbled on a text from a girl and at the end of the message was “love you much”. I was mad, but he insisted that she was the one coming onto him and promised to get her to stop.

He went back to the state where he was serving and our communication went down the drain. He hardly called and when he did, our conversation was mechanical for months. I was in my final year at the time.

I didn’t have a lot of friends, so I was mostly alone in my apartment. Sometimes I would call and his phone would be switched off or he won’t answer the call. I got fed up and decided to get another guy just for company but we started having sex even though he knew I had a boyfriend somewhere.

The main boyfriend kept detaching himself and at a time, we talked once in two days. The new guy playfully introduced me to his family and we have been close ever since. The main boyfriend found out I was cheating on him but said he forgives me but I should let the intruder go and let’s continue with our relationship but I didn’t have feelings for him anymore. I agreed to do so eventually and but he somehow got the new guy’s number and started calling and threatening him.

Eventually, my mum found out and spoke to both of them, but the main boyfriend said some nasty things about me to my mum and she told me she doesn’t want to hear his name from my mouth anymore because of the things he said. We subsequently broke up.

I’ve never been in love with the new guy, yet he talks about getting married and I know I don’t want to. I just don’t know how to call it quits. He has a lot of issues, I sometimes think he’s not serious with life. He still lives with his mum but he’s a good guy, very caring and has a fantastic family too.

I recently ran into the first guy, and he’s doing very well. I keep thinking that I was with him when he had nothing, I helped build the man that he is and should be a part of his life. He’s tried to persuade me to come back to him but I’m scared after all I went through with him. I also have a job now and the next thing should be to settle down but I’m confused. I need help fast. Thanks for your positive advice.