Dear Mimsters: “My brother has become a huge burden to us. How should he be handled?”

I’m from a family of 5 children. I’m the first daughter but the second child. My brother who is the only male and first child has been a thorn in our flesh. At 27, he has refused to do anything tangible with his life.

Right from when we were little, he refused to go to school. Every morning, he would dress up in his school uniform and go watch football until we caught him. He said he wants to be a footballer, meanwhile, the local village league he plays in is nothing to write home about and he had health issues because he sometimes bled from his nose when he bumps into someone.(Igbos call it eze imi).

My parents changed his school and he sat for his WEAC and NECO exams. I believe someone wrote his exams for him, that’s why he got credit in all his papers. My family was keen on sending him to the University and he got admission through the help of people we know.

At Uni, he never attended lectures such that people in his department of study didn’t even know him. But he would request for money. Even the Teaching Practice he was sent to do by his school, he just went to the school once and didn’t show up again but kept collecting transport morning from my mum everyday until we found his TP assessment book and saw nothing was written in it.

My uncle called him one day to ask him what he wants to do with his life instead of wandering around the village like a sheep without a shepherd. He said he wanted to learn how to tile houses and was taken to Abuja to learn from Togo tilers working in my Uncle’s house. Problem again, he was no where to be found and my uncle bundled him back to us and said he didn’t want to be blamed if something happened to my brother.

Again, our uncle helped with N1.3 million and my parents added the rest to buy a vehicle for him because he said he wanted to go into transportation business. But he failed again as he gave his business to someone else to handle and my mum knew. One day, my dad caught them and collected the key from him. Also said he wanted to go into timber business and was given 35,000 to register but didn’t.

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Next, he said he wanted to marry. My parents with the help of our uncle married a wife for him. The problem now is he doesn’t do anything in the house and his wife is just like him, and they both depend on my parents. Every morning, he would wake up and leave the house, doesn’t respect my parents and and the wife expects my younger sister to be doing practically everything in the house.

I know all these are my mum’s fault as she gives my brother practically everything he asks for. I told her her to let him fend for himself. He always threatens to kill himself whenever his request is denied. Now, my mum wants to get an apartment for him and he asked for a 3-bedroom flat, for someone who can’t hold his own.

He’s become such a huge burden to us. What will you do if you were in my shoes?