Dear MIM Readers: I want to divorce my husband, but my parents say I will bring disgrace upon them
I have been married for 3 years to a man who abuses me physically (even in public), emotionally and verbally. A man who pays little or no attention to me, a man who even lies to me and against me. He calls me anuofia, goat, fool etc even in public.
Sometimes, he even speaks ill of my family in my presence and I keep mute. Recently, the whole thing got worse and I became defensive. I would curse him back whenever he curses me as I was almost losing my self esteem. The worst part of it is that he abandons me all alone at home almost every night and goes clubbing with his friends while I stay at home, praying and crying my eyes out yet to no avail.
We’ve been trying to conceive since we got married as he has issues with his sperm count and motility. We opted for IVF, after which God finally answered my prayers and it worked on second trial. I thought this pregnancy would change our marriage and love life for the better, but no, I was wrong! When morning sickness kicks, he will start asking me if I am the first woman to get pregnant, when I beg him for a little help, he’ll ask me if I’m paralyzed. His night escapades has gotten worse that I had to pick few of my things last night including his ATM cards and left the house to a place unknown to him or anybody.
He reported me to my parents and his elder sister and throughout today, my dad and mum have been calling to rain abuses on me. My mum said I am possessed and I need deliverance. She also said I am suppose to endure. For how long am I going to endure and keep living in misery all in the name of staying married? I am 24 and very beautiful. I am good in the kitchen, in bed and in domestic chores. I pray and work like a maid in my home just to make sure I keep my man but I keep getting betrayed by this same man. As the days go by, I am becoming bitter and bitter! I am almost turning into a sadist, but when I try to explain to my parents they don’t seem to understand. Little did I know I’ll end up in a marriage like this, he claimed he was a born again Christian when we met, he deceived me.
I want to divorce him, but my parents keep saying I want to bring disgrace upon them. Right now, I’m so confused on what to do. I now hate him so much, and to be honest, I have totally lost respect for him.
It is your happiness that matters my dear. Only you knows where it bites so leave if u want to and don’t let your parents dictate to you afterall they don’t live with him. You are too young for all this nonsense. My 2cents.
Imagine a man they helped to remove shame from jis face instead of being grateful, he is making mouth.mtcheww as for the physical beating my dear, I haven no strength to talk.simply goggle Dr Hestiana Thomas, she’s a paediatrician& mother of 2 small kids who was murdered by the darling husband.my only grouse wt u is y should u take his ATMs.that is stealing no matter what dont condescend to his level. The ball is in ur court.dont listen to ur parents bc they are not in ur shoes
Hmmm I understand how you feel but as your mum said patients is the key in marriage. If you scratch your body the way it inches you dear, blood will gush out. So divorce is not the answer here since he is not abusive physical. Like you said when he is bad mouthing you, you also go defensive and that will at least put him to check. Also don’t allow his constant outing give you sleepless night or HBP instead just snob him when he does it cos the more he know such things pains you, he will keep doing it to taunt you. Keep praying and look for something doing to keep you busy. Its well with you.
Did u read where she said he physical abuses her? @ Angel Henry
Lord have mercy
Hmmm, just short of words.
He’s engrossed with strange woman. He will come begging you. But come to think of it did you pray before marrying him? Endtime husband s.
I wonder why some men behave like these, after a successful IVF instead of him to be thanking God that he’s not put to shame he stil have the gut to make u go thru all these, my dear he who wear d shoe knows where it pains most cos u re d only one who knows wat u are going through just make a wise decision and never give in to physical violence
Marriage this days tire me, people will ask u to endure,but wont understand what u are going thr.
Na Wao!
From your post you are not working(that explains why you took his debit cards.Get urself something doing no matter how small.You will not only gain his respect but will have something to keep you busy n u won’t even pay attention to his shakara
i dnt advice any one to endure physical violence
U alone knows what ur going through.dont try to pls anybody before u end up 6 feet
Please remain anywhere you are, away from the man and your family.
My dear pls leave the idiot and start a fresh you are too young for this rubbish…some men are so stupid! don’t wait till he kills you, you have a baby to look after, marriage is not by force…only nigerians tell a women to endure in a useless marriage, while the man goes about doin all sorts of rubbish…hiss
Put your happiness and your parents selfishness on a scale of preference and choose for yourself.
Is ur mum going thru same from her husband? Cos I’m wondering why they’ll say u want to disgrace them. Sounds like they get a lot of goodies from ur hubby, for them to be so stupid to say u want to disgrace them. I know some ladies will ask u to pray and ignore as if its that easy. I beg, run as fast as u can and as long as ur legs can carry u b4 u end up like Doctor Thomas. Its so annoying when some pple will still open their mouth to say u should pray and be patient, in this kind of situation.
Pls do not go back. Protect urself and your unborn child. Pls find something to do, engage in a business that will help u keep body and soul together. Stay with family and friends who truly care about your welfare, until you are physically, emotionally, spirutually, mentally and financially stable enough to stand on your own.. if you have none, pls Google the net in search of organisations that help battered women in Nigeria.
my dear,withdraw all the money in that account before he blocks it….. use the money to take care of ur child while u get something doing. if u start enduring at 24,how long will u continue to endure?
pls madam ignore your parents and fight for your happiness. dont stay in an abusive marriag because anyone says so
my dear u r 2 young 2 b battered by a man. if d man kills u b at fault o. so pls run 4 ur dear life .its beta u bring shame 2 ur parents and live a happy life, cos 2 me ur parents r selfish.
Nawoooo
If he can stil treat u bad while pregnant den ma dear u have to giv him some space fr him to feel ur absence ad knw hw important u are to him,if he doesn’t change den u have to do wat makes u happy.Cos I won’t advise u to giv birth while in dis kind of situation,cos it’s nt healthy fr u ad ur baby.Ur parents don’t feel wat u feel in ur house,i knw a woman has to b patient bt wen it’s too much as dey say too much of evrytin is bad,I pray God helps u so u don’t lose dis baby frm stress ad tinking,ad u need a relaxed environment cos Hypertension is bad in ur condition
Your life. …your rules……
My dear,pls take a break frm dat marriage,take as much moni as u can frm dose atm cards n set up urself,if ur marriage was destined 2 be,he ll change n beg u 2 come back,,,i guess ur parents r gaining a lot frm him,dats y they r letting deir selfishness control dem.aboveall give ur life 2 christ.its well.
Hmm. Third partism I hate to admit but here is my concern. Marriage is about order and this order is along reevant principles. And as a social organism protected by the bible, law of state and conscience, you’re legible to protect yourself from any form of domestic abuse be it physical etc. You made a marital mistake that can be undone only on the grounds of phyical abuse or threat to life which is what’s takng in place in your situation. Your parents, me, everyone here with their opinions constitutte a third party to you. The only third party a marriage needs is the word of God. Every other is a violation to that relationship. Your parents have a limit to their hold on you because they let you go when you got married relinquishing all rights to you which is now borne by your husband. Divorce is not advisable as a Christian but it could take place under the liberty of the spirit where there is threat to life or physical abuse which are the two exemptions. By all means, you and your husband have failed each other but this in no wise constitute a reason for divorce except for threat to life or physical abuse. You did nothing wrong by escaping with his ATM card or whatever as you have a right to him and especially under such circumstance. Marriage is not an end to a means but only a means to an end. Prayers, forgiveness, repentance and hope aren’t strayed possibilities at this juncture but where there is a threat to life, God, the state and conscience will terminate any such union. Marriage is not a death sentence or a contact sport or gossip, maligning forum. Well said contributors but your priority now is your life and if terminatingyour union will preserve that, then go for it. Parents, what I think or what anyone else here thinks isn’t important but what you decide to do onhearing the principles I just shared with you. God grant you the wisdom. God bless.