Dear MIMsters: How Do I Stop My Husband From Blackmailing Me With This Shameful Secret Of Mine?

How do I stop prevent my husband from blackmailing me with this secret only he and I share?

I met my husband when I came back from Germany in 2000. We dated for three years and got married in year 2003.

We never talked about age until we both realized the relationship was getting serious. He was the first to tell me his age and I told him mine too. We both realized that I am one year nine months older. When he knew I was older, he cried like a baby that day. I patiently waited for him to decide. The third day, I checked on him, we talked things over and he claimed he loves me.

After two years, his family met mine and we fixed a date for the wedding – we got married a year after the introduction and the battle started – no child for eleven years.

Within these years, life was miserable for me. We did series of laboratory tests and it was discovered that he had low sperm count and that I had a small fibroid. He was placed on some drugs that boosted his sperm. He was going for check up regularly. The sperm was boosted to some extent, but we tried to get pregnant naturally to no avail.

The music changed because I couldn’t get pregnant. He was treating me like a piece of rag. Along the line, somehow, he impregnated a lady. I was emotionally tortured. His sister then came to me, saying that if I don’t get pregnant within a year, his brother would marry another woman. I had not found out someone was already pregnant for him then. They wanted me out of the marriage at all cost. Despite all, I stood my ground until I got to know someone else was having his baby.

After said and done, I tried to forget what had happened and God kept my home. Still, no pregnancy. I decided to go for surgery, even when the Doctor said where the fibroid was can’t hinder conception, I went ahead to do the surgery. It was then the Doctor discovered it was adenomyosis, that I can’t be pregnant naturally.

We tried IVF but it failed. My husband then suggested adoption. He said I should pretend for that nine months that I am pregnant, not knowing he had reason for suggesting adoption. Reluctantly, I agreed with him. I started packing myself like a pregnant woman. When it was eight months, I relocated to northern part of Nigeria. We went to an orphanage home and we were able to adopt a two day old baby boy that was dumped. After three months, I came back to where we live.

Meanwhile, for five years, before this adoption issue, my husband has been living in Plateau State and coming home on weekends. When the baby was six weeks, I decided to visit him at his place of work, because he was avoiding me during the so-called pregnancy, no intimacy whatsoever. I got to his station around 9 pm, and the security at the gate didn’t let me in with the 6 weeks old baby. The security man at the gate said he was not in town, and his car was parked in the compound.

I called him on phone several times before he finally picked to tell me he was not in town. The security man later told me he was inside, that if he should allow me in, he would be putting his job at stake, that I should find somewhere to sleep with my baby. He begged me and I left.

After some months, my husband made his plan known that he wants to marry another woman. He did but separated from her. Few months after, we had an argument that resulted to physical combat, and he said he would expose me, that he would tell people how I got the baby.

He also complained about my nephew and niece that live with me (I have been responsible for these children before I got married), saying I should send them away. Their father is late and their mother is not mentally sound. There’s nowhere to send them to, their father’s family don’t even know if they exist. These children don’t owe my husband a kobo. I’m just tired of the marriage, no intimacy for almost a year now. Should I just quit the marriage? What if he spills my secret?

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