3 Signs You are Over-indulging Your Children & How to Fix It

Are you over-indulging your child? Basically, when parents give children too many costly material things, do things for children that they can do for themselves, do not expect children to do chores, do not have good rules and let children boss the family around, and other similar actions, etc.

To remedy the effects of overindulgence, you weill need to teach your children the difference between a need and a want, and then make them work for their wants. For instance, rather than buying that new video game for your son, give him two options: He can place it on a wish list for a birthday or Christmas present, or do extra duties to earn the money to buy it. If your children are willing to work for their heart’s desires, they’ll take better care of the purchased items, and be more grateful for it. They will also think long and hard before turning a “want” into a “need” in the future.

Here are a few common examples of being overindulgent:

1. Giving them things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age or their interests

• Allowing a 5-year-old to dress as she wants
• Allowing a 12-year-old to watch an R-rated movie
• No curfew for a 16-year-old

2. Giving things to meet the adult’s needs, not the child’s

• A mom buying her daughter the trendiest clothes, because Mom believes it’s a reflection of her own style
• A dad giving his son a very expensive phone at 9, because he wants his son to be seen as a cool kid
• A parent giving his or her children the best of the best in order to make the parent look successful

3. Neglecting to teach children the life skills they need to survive in the “real” world beyond their home

• Doing the laundry for teenagers who are more than capable and need to learn to do it for themselves.
• Allowing the housemaid to clean a teenager’s room, wash their dishes or even or even prepare a meal for them

Repairing the damage of overindulgence

Parents, you can begin to remedy the damage done by overindulgence by doing these two things:

1. Helping your kids cultivate patience. It is easy to get so caught up in every day life activities, that we forget that real life problems aren’t solved in 15 minutes or even in a day. It takes time to find solutions to everyday struggles. Parents try to speed things up for their kids, all in good intentions. But, don’t be so quick to solve your children’s problems for them. Help them to endure a bit of struggle and encourage them to be patient.

2. Giving children opportunities to develop responsibility and to feel valuable.  Give them regular chores or duties and hold them accountable for taking care of those duties. By doing so, you will help your children become adults, not just grown-ups. All children, especially teenagers will at times engage in a power struggle when it comes to carrying out chores or duties. But if parents don’t assign age-appropriate duties for their children, they may grow up to be irresponsible.