Dear MIMsters: Been Married for Six Years and Never Been Happy Because of this

My marriage is going to be six years this October and it has been a really rough one. The problem started seven months into our marriage when my hubby was transfered to another branch of their office where he met a lady. They got so close and started doing so many things together, from going to work together, eating together, coming back together, to discussing things he is suppose to be discussing with me with her. Most times, I get to know some of things he plans to do from their conversation on WhatsApp.

The lady calls first thing in the morning and late at night. After a while, I summoned the courage to confront him. I asked who she is to him and he said she is only a colleague, when I tried to probe further,  he turns it into a fight and might not talk to me nor eat for days.

He later made us live in separate rooms and would chat late into the night and receive calls. He does not give me the freedom to express myself at anytime because he always turns it into a fight so I’m always scared. He never tells me how good I look but he does tell her.

Anytime I report him to his parents, mostly his father, they tell me, he is a man and I can’t tell him what and what not to do. I have asked him to choose between me and her several times but this hasn’t stopped him. instead he starts to fight, refuses to eat, and abuses me verbally. I would just cry until I have no more tears coming out and he would make jest of me. All these continued for almost five years until something terrible happened and he lost his job. The lady still didn’t leave him alone as I was always reading their chats where hubby intimates her of his moves that are unknown to me.

I didn’t get any attention and affection from him all those years, but when he lost his job he came back to me. I had no money and I wasn’t working as well. We decided to relocate which was sponsored by my parents; the rent, furnishing the apartment and even setting me a business for me. Hubby started with his attitude again. He wanted the money for himself. Initially, I refused and war started. Eventually, I gave in but told him he has to be giving me some money at the end of the month for my personal upkeep and he started a fight again saying I want to control him like I’m the boss, not minding I own the money.

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I later left the money for him but that business failed. He is always nagging, shouting and fighting with me except when he wants sex and money. He never sees me as someone who is important to him as he doesn’t discuss his decisions or affairs with me while I am still the sole person responsible for our family’s upkeep, rents, school fees, feeding and anything you could think of.

The major problem now is that he is always threatening with a separation to abandon me and the kids anytime a refuse to give him anything he asks for. I have been sad all through this marriage, and he doesn’t respect my feelings at all. He believes he is the man and I shouldn’t say anything as a woman. I am very unhappy and lonely. Please mothers I need your advice on what to do.