Dear MIMsters: I Have Resolved to Do One of Two Things in This Violent and Abusive Marriage

I got married 11 years ago and it has been hell for me. I am in a violent and abusive marriage.

Initially, I was a full time housewife who suffered financial lack because my husband is highly stingy. After our first baby, he gave me peanuts for feeding every week as he was always traveling to work and never cared for my upkeep.

Later, I got a government job with the help of my father and I started working. Initially it was not easy with the kids but I needed the job. When my husband saw that I had started earning some cash, he reduced the weekly feeding money.

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His job also began to shake and contracts were no longer coming like before. So, he was always at home. He then totally stopped giving me the weekly paychecks and when I asked, he would flare up, asking me what I do with my own salary.

He gives me little money to cook when we need to eat, maybe when soup or stew is finished. Sometimes, I use my cash to cook or else my kids would end up eating tea and bread or noodles.

When I saw that he was getting broke, I started using my salary to take care of the kids and buy some food stuff just to make my children happy and comfortable. I began to notice that if I don’t buy, he would resort to buying small sachets.

I also supported to pay one of our children’s school fees when he was down financially. Did I mention that we live in our own house with 3 tenants? He has never collected rent and given me anything from it. When I ask, it resorts to quarrel.

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The quarrels lead him to hitting me and shouting that he wants me out of his house, that marriage is not by force. He always wants all the house expenses shared and whenever I do not cooperate with that, he gets bitter and starts a quarrel, which always bring me and my kids to tears. I am the best wife whenever I have money to spend.

Now he is not working and almost everything gets him angry. I have spoken to him to start a small business of his own so as to ease our financial situation but he is very adamant. With any little argument, he violently pushes me out of the house and locks up the doors even if I am half naked.

He nags from night till morning and with each of these instances, he always tells me to go back to my father’s house, even insulting my parents in the process, without fear or regard.

Now he’s told me that if I don’t continue paying my daughter’s school fees, I should leave his house because he cannot feed me anymore. I won’t be able to eat comfortably if he provides food as he would taunt me for not contributing.

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I have endured so much that I cannot pen down and I can’t bear it anymore. I have resolved to do any of these two. If I can raise good cash, I want to start a daycare/nursery school and move out with my kids, or use the money to relocate abroad with my kids. We have 3 kids now aged 11, 9, and 3 years respectively.